Roses and Flames

Chapter 30

“So I am no longer doctor Hastings to you?”

She had spoken out of habit, forgetting her plan of the previous evening. “Whatever might I call you, you owe me an explanation for this intrusion.”

He eased himself into the light from the carriage laughed and shrugged. “I saw your carriage and asked Murdock the coachman, if he might drop me at the inn on your way home. There is nothing more than that.”

The carriage has gone and come once already tonight. “Why did you not ride with my father?”

He shrugged again. “I prefer to ride with you.”

“And so you waited outside in the dark for the better part of an hour?” He leaned forward, hands on knees to look at her, his apathy dissipating under her skepticism.

“Very well, then. The truth. I wish to talk to you about dinner.”

“The Duke has already lectured me,” she said, “if that’s what you mean to do, you needn’t bother.”

“He has kissed you as well,” Patrick said. “I suppose you do not wish me to do that, either.”

“Certainly not,” she said. “And what makes you think such horrid things about me?”

“You find kissing him to be horrid?” He said, cheered. “Then I shan’t fear a comparison between us.”

“I do not,” she said.

The recent interlude had been more forgettable than horrid. “I mean, why must you assume that we kissed?”

“Because he had all to himself for some time. A little dining room drama would not prevent him from seizing the moment.” He smiled in a knowing way that made her body tingle. “And because I know what you look like when you have been kissed.”

“Then you will lead me to remind me of something that I would prefer to forget.” She thought a minute. “And by that, I mean your kisses. Do not think of to attempt it again, or I’ll scream for the coachman.”

“That is what Lady Ambrosia would do,” he said. “But the woman I love would be more likely to hit me then cry for help.”

“Striking a gentleman is probably another thing Samuel would not approve of,” she said. “If you are a gentleman, that is. Of late, you do not behave like one. He ignored the insightful stuff so does the Saint not approve of you?”

“He said no such thing,” she replied. “He merely wishes that I’m being more circumspect.”

But that was not how it seemed. Samuel had tried to put a muzzle on her and then try to kiss away her feelings or confinement. Patrick noticed her silence. “For what it is worth, I saw nothing wrong with you speaking out. Your argument was well reasoned. The bishop’s was not. Then he turned serious you are an intelligent woman, Ambrose. You have strong feelings about many things. Never be afraid to voice them. Those of us who truly love you do not want that to change.”

“Thank you,” she said. That, at least, had not altered between them. He understood her, even if she did not understand her own feelings. But such understanding would be useless, if you withdrew from her life and let her husband take that place. It was as it should be. But that did not mean she could not grieve that loss.

“I was wrong to tell you to marry him,” Patrick said. “You two do not suit.”

 He was right, but she had known that when she had made her promise to Patrick. “You were saying this to trick me into your arms.”

 He shook his head. “I’m saying it because it is true. You will not make each other happy.”

“We will not make each other unhappy.”

 Not intentionally, at least.

“That is not enough, he said. You deserve so much more.”

“Than to marry a saint?” She said.

“You deserve your freedom. And you will be forced to give that up if you marry the duke.”

You can’t know that. But, of course, he could full star wealth and power did not come without responsibilities. She had tricked herself into believing that the deal could be the one to shoulder those. But after tonight, it was clear that he meant her to carry her share.

“If you were mine, you would have equal say in our future.” The very idea was almost as seductive as his kisses.

She must not listen to it. “You say that now. But you have changed your tune before.”

“Not about my chosen profession,” he said. “Believe what about you like about my feelings for you. But when have you heard me lie about that? I’m sorry to admit it, but I loved medicine long before I loved you. It is to me as the Duke’s title is to him, and unchangeable part of myself. If you marry me, you will have my head as well as my heart. And I will teach you anything you ask.”

And what would she use that knowledge for? At dinner, it had just not been the Duke she had upset. The people around her had been horrified. Her father had been ashamed. “After tonight, I think we both have seen where my curiosity has got me. I’m already dancing at the age of polite society. And now you are coming here to with an offer to make me worse.”

“I offered to let you be yourself,” he said. “And that is something that you could never allow. When you are ready to admit the truth, Ambrose, come to me. I’ll be waiting.”

The horses were slowing. Patrick swung easily to his feet before they had stopped and was out the door with a thank you to the coachman and not another word to her.