Our Lady of Pain

Chapter Five-1

Chapter Five

“How did you...” she reached for something to cover herself. Everything was on the floor. Corinne grabbed a pillow. “Get out! Get out of here!”

He didn’t flinch. “Do as I say. Take the panties off.”

“I most certainly will not!” Her hands were shaking. She could barely think, let alone react.

Gregory stepped around to the side of the bed, placing himself between her and the door. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”

She jumped off the bed onto the other side, placing it between her and him. Corinne snatched up a blanket, wrapping it around herself. The phone was on this side, too. She pressed the handset to her ear and punched 9-1-1.

No ring. No dial tone.

She tried again, watching him smile.

9-1-1.

Nothing.

“You bastard!” The phone struck him on the right shoulder before rattling to the floor. “You goddamn f*****g bastard! Get out of my house! Get out!”

Instead, Gregory pulled a small sponge about the size of a large walnut from his front pocket with a roll of wide woven medical tape. He set them on the bedside table.

“Gregory, please. What are you doing? Please go. I won’t say anything if you just go. Please, Gregory,” she clutched the blanket tighter around herself.

He only smiled. “You’re so pretty when you beg, Corinne. So pretty,” he reached behind his back with one hand, unhooked something and drew it out. “But, I’m not Gregory,” he tossed the rope on the bed. “You will call me Father Monroe.”

Her lips pressed into a thin white line. Her knuckles paled. Fire burned in her eyes. Corinne threw herself across the bed at him in a rage.

“NOOOooooooo….”

Her head smacked the nightstand leg. Gregory was gone. The hall light was still on. The ice in her glass of water hadn’t even melted all the way. Heidi peeked around the doorway, tail twitching.

“Oooow…” Corinne lay face down on the floor. Grabbing for the blanket, she sat up as fast as she could. She expected to hear his laugh or receding footsteps on the stairs. Silence. There was no tape or rope in sight. The phone buzzed steadily in her ear when she lifted the receiver.

She sat on the edge of the bed. “s**t,” she couldn’t stop herself from trembling.

“Exhausted. I’m just exhausted and letting that man, that man, get to me! And those damn books!” How was she going to sleep the night through with this dream hanging over her head? Corinne aimed the remote at the television, grateful for any noise other than her heart pounding in her ears.

With the TV on, she slipped into an oversized t-shirt that hung to her knees. “And I’m leaving the panties on, by God!” While microwaving a bag of popcorn, she double-checked all the windows and apartment door to make sure they were locked. Corinne felt like she was in a bad horror movie. Popcorn in one hand, iced water in the other and her cat at her heels, Corinne returned to her bedroom.

It was after midnight before Corinne woke again. This time it was because the cat stepped on the half empty popcorn bag that had fallen to the floor and thankfully not because of some God-awful nightmare about Gregory. The television was still on, babbling its mindless drivel into her room. She shut it off.

Corinne squinted her eyes against the Thursday morning sunlight and pulled the blanket over her head with an exasperated groan. It couldn’t be time to get up yet. The alarm clock clicked and the radio began to play again. “…rain. The water ban has been lifted but those in the city are still urged to use resources wisely.” Corinne smacked the snooze button.

Shower. Get up and shower. Her mind told her body but her body ignored it. It did that a lot it seemed as of late. “…it’s five twenty-three with Boston here on WCAM. Good morning.”

“Arrgh,” she hit the snooze button a third time. Corinne pulled herself to an upright position. It was going to be another long day.

“Step into my office a minute, Corinne?” With a heavy sigh, Corinne made her way to the front office. “Close the door.”

“Sure.”

“Have a seat,” her boss looked at her a minute. “This is very difficult for me. You’ve been here a long time and your work is normally exceptional. However, these past couple weeks, some things just aren’t getting done as I would like,” her boss slid a thin file folder across the deck and opened it. “I’m still waiting for last week’s budget meeting notes, for example. And Mr. King says he hasn’t gotten the letter of recommendation yet.”

“I’m sorry, Sue. I’ll get to both of those right away.” Corinne knew she had been falling behind a bit but she hadn’t realized it was becoming noticeable.

Boss Lady nodded. “As of tomorrow, Corinne, you are on a month’s probation.”

“What?” She couldn’t believe Sue was serious. “I’ve been here over ten years. How can you do that?” They both knew that one slip-up on Corinne’s part while on probation would mean Sue could fire her, no questions asked.

“It’s only for a month, thirty-days,” sue shuffled and re-stacked the papers in the folder before snapping it shut. “I need you here one-hundred percent, Ms. Anderson. If you can’t give me that, then I will find someone who can.”

“This isn’t fair and you know it!” Corinne stood up, livid with rage.

“Your accounts have gotten sloppy and your reports later and later. I run a tight ship, Corinne and I must know I have the full support of my staff.”

With her fists clutched at her sides, Corinne stood just a little bit taller. “f**k you, Sue,” she said and it felt wonderful. “f**k you and your accounts and your nit-picking time police and the reports I work my ass off only so you can sign them and take all the credit,” she knew she was going to regret this but she’d had more than enough. “I quit.”

Sue sat there momentarily speechless. “Ms. Anderson…”

“f**k this job and f**k you!” Corinne continued and before Boss Lady could say another word, Corinne yanked the door open and stormed from the office.

Corinne sat in her car in Rose’s parking lot, trembling. Her face was blotchy from the tears she’d shed since leaving the office hours ago. Rose’s was a safe place and though she and Gregory had not set a date to meet this week, for the first time she honestly hoped he’d be there. In the back of her mind, and sometimes even in the front, what he wanted was all that she dreamed of. She wanted him, or someone like him, to take her away, help her to escape, lock her up, treat her as they had been treated in the books. But that was just fiction. It wasn’t real. Even he had said it was outrageous. But still, she wondered what it would be like. Corinne was not looking forward to the days that lie ahead of her. She was without a job and would not, never in a million years, run back to Sue and beg for it back.

Gregory stepped out of Rose’s and waved to her. He must have been watching and now that she’d been spotted there was no escape. Corinne waved back through the windshield, got her purse and climbed out of the car. Gregory was half way across the parking lot by the time she’d locked her door. “You okay?” he asked.

Corinne tried to smile but shook her head. “I quit my job today.”

“I’m sorry,” his palm rested on the small of her back as they walked towards the restaurant.

Corinne shrugged. “It’s all so muddled up in my head.”

He opened the door for her. Their table was ready. “Let’s get our food ordered then maybe, after we eat, we can go someplace a little quieter to talk about this. Would that be alright with you?”

No, no, no. I don’t want to be alone with you. I can’t be alone with you because then I’ll lose all control and I’ll become this horrible s*x-starved slut and you will hate me for being that way. “That would be fine.”

Gregory ordered his meal then looked over at Corinne. The waitress was looking at her, too. “Corinne? What do you want to eat?”

“Oh! Uh…,” she flipped open the menu. “What did you order?” She tried to focus on the pages but it seemed to be written in another language.

“The fish.”

“Oh. I don’t like fish, do I?”

The waitress shifted her weight. “I can come back.”

“No, no…I’ll have the, the Chef’s salad, no onions and Italian dressing.”

She jotted it down.

Corinne looked at Gregory in disbelief. “You didn’t order for me.”

“I have no desire to control everything you eat, say and do, Corinne. You have to have your own mind. You have to make up that mind and decide what you want, not me. Not all the time. But I could have, if I had wanted to. I could have ordered fish for you, knowing you don’t like it. I could have sat here and watched you try to eat it and try to enjoy it knowing I wanted you to have it. Isn’t that right?”

He was right. He was so right. Corinne nodded. “Yes.”

“Why do you suppose that is? Be honest. You’re talking to the Father Superior of Saint Dolores, remember?”

She swallowed her nerves and her pride and looked into his eyes. “I’m afraid of you, Gregory. Not afraid for my life afraid, but afraid. The things I think about since I met you. I can’t sleep. I can’t do anything. You don’t make any sense. I screamed at my boss today for God’s sake,” she was on the brink of tears again. “I quit a job I’ve had for over ten years. I don’t know anything else. I don’t know how I’m going to make it now.”

“You’ll make it. You are a beautiful woman, Corinne. I don’t only mean physically but a mentally strong woman. You may not believe that, but it’s true. I see it. I want it. But I can’t have it unless you give it to me. Do you understand that? I will do nothing to hurt you. I will do nothing to you at all, unless you want me to,” she drew in a breath, listening. “The books are one thing. Reality is very different. You do want what is in the books, don’t you?” She could only nod and brush away the tears that escaped, eyes looking down at her place mat. “Say it so I can hear you. Say it so there is no doubt in my mind or more importantly, your own.”

“I want… Gregory, please. I can’t.”

“Yes, you can. What do you want? Tell me.”

Corinne looked up. “I want... I want you. I want to be with you.”

His smiled broadened, sending a glow throughout his entire face. “I want to be with you also. See, that wasn’t so hard now, was it?”

“No, but… but what about my job, my bills…”

His hand covered hers. “If you are to be mine, you need not worry about any of that. I will bring you into the flock at Saint Dolores and we will take care of you.”

“I can’t ask you…”

He squeezed her hand. “You aren’t asking me anything. I am telling you,” he spread his napkin onto his lap. “And now, we can move on to the next level.”

After dinner, at her suggestion, Gregory followed her home.

“You sure about this?” he asked as she fumbled with the keys in the front door.

“Well, no,” she stammered. “But then I’m never really sure about anything these days,” she smiled. Gregory followed her in silently as she turned on lights and set her briefcase down. He carried himself very straight and tall, shoulders back, head up, taking in everything. “You want a drink or anything? I’ve got water, milk, some iced tea and I think there’s a bottle of soda in the fridge.”

“I’m fine.”

“Sure?”

“Sure.”

“So, anyway. This is my place. Living room, we’re standing in obviously. Dining room and kitchen through there. Den is to the left there. Bedroom and bath down the hall.”

“Very compact.”

“Yeah,” she felt ashamed of the way she lived, knowing how much nicer his place must be.

Gregory nodded looking at the portraits on the walls. “It’s nice. Cozy and quiet,” he wandered over to the bookshelf.

“I like it quiet.”

“You read a lot.”

“Yeah. You do that when you’re alone most of the time. Read.”

“Yes, I know.”

“Sure you don’t want a drink or something?”

Gregory turned around. “There is something you can do, actually.”

She looked hopeful. “Yes?”

“Relax, Corinne. I’m not going to hurt you.”

Her smile was nervous and tight. “No, no, of course you’re not.”

“Unless, of course, you want me to.” The wicked shimmer entered his eyes for a split second. She felt herself grow warm.

“Can we sit?” he asked.

“Oh, yeah, sorry. I’m not used to having company. I’m not very good at being a hostess or anything. It’s just me so often, all the time, ya know? You want something to drink?”

Gregory walked over and placed his palm tenderly on her cheek. Her eyes grew wider, frightened. “I’m not going to do anything, Corinne, that you don’t want to be done to you,” she couldn’t look away from him this time. “Do you understand that?”

“Y-yes.”

“You want me here?”

“Yes.”

“If you don’t want me here all you have to do is say so. Understand?”

Corinne nodded, pressing her lips together.

“Good. Now, let’s sit down and talk.” Corinne started to sit on the sofa, a safe distance from where Gregory was moving to sit. “Not there, Corinne. Over here, with me,” he sat back in the Morris chair.

“But…there’s no room.”

“There’s room on the floor,” he motioned to the footstool. “Bring that footstool over and sit here beside me.”

She moved the footstool over, feeling his eyes watching her, then sat. She felt like a child at her parent’s knee. “This okay?”

He touched her again. His fingers slid through her hair, brushing against her blooming cheek then to her lips that were so serious, almost sad. “Tell me what you are thinking, Corinne. Confess to me,” he felt the hitch in her breath. Her lips trembled, tightened. Her eyes closed and the frown grew.

When her eyes opened again, twin tears slid down her cheeks. “I can’t.”

He leaned forward still touching her with more tenderness than she had felt in years. “Are you still afraid of me?”

Her head shook. More tears slid down her face. “N-no, not you,” she wanted to crumble into his lap and sob. She had held it all in for so long and now here was someone who wanted to listen; someone who would understand everything because he knew. He’d read the book. He’d read her notations. Corinne lifted her chin and took in as deep a breath as she could.

“That’s good. Take your time. Tell me what it is you’re afraid of. I’m not going to laugh at you. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m here to listen and learn but you have to tell me.” His thumb was brushing the tears away from her right cheek. When it seemed she had herself under control again, she took a breath to speak. Nothing but a tiny squeak came out followed by another stream of tears. She couldn’t stop. Corinne leaned forward and rested her head on his lap. He pet her hair and leaned back in the chair. “It’s okay. It can wait.” The mantel clock struck the half hour. When its little metal echo was still Gregory spoke. “Would you like a job that you could look forward to, one that would pay you twice what you were making?”

She looked up at him. “Are you offering me a job?”

“I’m offering you an opportunity to do and be what you want to be, satisfied.”

“I see.”

“There is one catch.”

“There always is and it’s usually a big one.”

He grinned. “The catch, my dear girl, is that you don’t tell anyone what you are really doing for a living.”

“And what, exactly, would I be doing that is so secretive?”

“I am in need of a personal assistant at Saint Dolores. The previous Sister left rather suddenly. It would require that you live there, in the Convent or Rectory. You’d never have to worry about bills again, but you’d have to obey me to the letter.”

“Obey you how?”

“Anything I need you to do. Set up and remind me of appointments, tidy the office, dust the Chapel. A lot of things.”

“s*x?”

He laughed then looked at her soberly. “Maybe. You don’t need to answer now. In fact, I don’t want an answer at all tonight.”

Gregory leaned closer, kissed her forehead then her closed eyes. Corinne tilted her head up. His lips touched hers like a whisper before he pulled away. Her eyes opened, gazing up at him, longing to say something. “You’ll tell me when you’re ready to accept. I’d rather wait and know you are truly ready.”

I am ready, her head yelled. I am ready. Oh God! Why can’t I? He was standing up, taking her hand and pulling her up with him. His hands held her head, firm but gentle. “Corinne, dear Corinne. I’ve waited years for you. I never gave up. If only I could keep track of you long enough, I knew the time would come to approach you,” her eyes were brimming with tears again. “Next week, you fix dinner for us here. Anything you like. I’ll bring some wine. We’ll talk. Until then I want you to do something for me.”

“Anything…” she whispered, not realizing what she had truly said.

Gregory smiled. “Not quite anything just yet. I want you to c*m for me. Any time you need to, you think of me and do it for me,” her cheeks grew warmer under the palms of his hands. “Yes, you blush so beautifully. Do this for me, Corinne?” Were these words coming from the mouth of a priest?

“Yes. I’ll do it for you,” she seemed to hear her voice from far away, like she wasn’t even there anymore but watching a film of herself.

He kissed her again. It lingered longer than before but still he pulled away. “I’ll be back next Thursday.”

She didn’t want him to go. Please stay, her head pleaded. Please don’t leave me in this house all alone. “Gregory?”

“Yes, Corinne?”

She was following him to the door and opening it for him to go. “Drive safely. There are lots of deer out this time of night.”

“I will. Good night, Corinne,” he smiled.

Please don’t go. “Good night.” Corinne closed the front door, listened to his car start and pull away. He was gone. She rested her forehead against the wall by the door and cried one more time.