Touch This Fire

7. Anthony

AnthonyI lay there until I knew Shawn was asleep and carefully untangled myself. I had no idea how to handle what I was feeling. I knew I was falling in love with him but that’s not what I “did” was it? I was very confused and I knew how late it was but I had to call Taylor. We were extremely close and I had always trusted his opinion about everything and I knew he wouldn’t blow smoke up my ass if I was being a dickhead.

I quietly went back out to the living room and dialed Taylor and Mike’s house.

After a few seconds one of them picked up. “This better be fuckin good and you’d better be fuckin dying.” It was Mike. “Mike, its Anthony. Listen wake Taylor up please. I need to talk with him.” Mike must have heard something in my voice because he woke Taylor immediately.

“Hmm? Anthony is that you? What is it? Are you ok?” God bless him. No matter what, I could always count on Taylor.

Before I could utter a word I burst into tears. I was mortified! Now I could picture Taylor sitting up in bed, worry all over his face.

“Anthony baby... please tell me... What’s going on?” I could hear the panic and I felt like a total s**t. Trying to compose myself. “ Taylor there’s a guy here... .. actually it’s “the” guy. You know Mr. Hero? I just had the most amazing s*x in my entire life and even saying that doesn’t do it justice. Taylor, I think I’m falling for this guy.” Saying it out loud almost made me vomit. I started to tear up again. “Sorry I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” I sniffled.

I heard Taylor’s exasperated sigh. “It’s called having emotions you fool. Ok now you listen to me! I know you’re freaked out and I know you don’t “do” relationships but it seems like this time you aren’t going to get a say. The decision is up to you but just think about this first. Nothing is random. There are no coincidences. He needs you just as badly as you need him and you have just got to give up trying to control everything. If you let this guy go and don’t give you two a chance you’re an i***t!”

See, told you he wouldn’t beat around the bush. I knew what Taylor was saying was true and I also knew that he would still love me even if I did something stupid but I didn’t want to let him or myself down.

“Ok darlin. Thanks for the advice and I love you guys! I’ll let you know what happens tomorrow ok?”

“Night handsome.”

Scrubbing my hands across my face I padded quietly into our bedroom. Stopping short I just realized I thought of it as “our” bedroom. Ok. Ok! I raised my eyes to the heavens. I give up... enough already!

I stood for a minute to watch the beautiful man in my bed. His arm was thrown back over his head, his chest and torso only just being covered by the sheet. Yep. I loved him!

I got back into bed trying hard not to move too much. Shawn sensed me there and snuggled back into my chest. Once again tears came to my eyes. Arrg! Emotions were a pain in the ass! I let myself drift off, praying that I wouldn’t screw it up. Please, I whispered. Please let me not be an i***t. I need him to stay.

Even though I wasn’t totally confident in our future together I was going to do my best to make sure we had one.