In His Eyes

Chapter 15

Axel's POV

Sometimes all we can do is move on and forward. There's no sense in trying to get stuck in the past if it's the only thing holding you back.

I looked at my phone, the message that I sent to him.

Axel: I'd rather not, I still need space and time to think Max.

It's the most appropriate thing to send at this time. I won't hold on to anything that won't be worth fighting anymore. I can't lose Max. As much as I want to admit it, I want to have him as a friend than to have him gone in my life.

Max: Okay, but I really am sorry Axe. I hope you can forgive me.

I fight back the tears threatening to fall as I looked at his reply. No, I've already wasted so many tears on this problem.

Axel: It's okay, I'll always forgive you, Max.

I typed and sent my reply, letting the tears fall down. I watched the screen of my phone turn black and placed it on the bedside table.

Nothing's going to be the same anymore. But that's life, it isn't supposed to be easy, but the point is to get through it.

Max, you were never a lesson I wanted to learn but I had to. I had to learn from you to protect my fragile heart from future heartbreaks.

Weeks flew by and school already started. I still see Max at the university cafeteria, but the moment I do, I walk away. I still don't have the guts to face him yet. I still need time.

"How are you doing pal?" Philip asked quietly, it was more of a whisper. I looked at him and flashed a smile. Is this a real smile in any way?

"I'm doing fine, Phil," not really sure if I'm reassuring him or myself. I looked at my phone to see if there's any notification. Why am I waiting for one, anyway?

I'm really glad that he did give me my time and space, I really need to move on from this one. This first heartbreak of mine hits harder than I would have thought.

Maybe the reason it hurts this much is because we started as friends. But hey, we ended still as friends. Guess I don't have the right to feel this way.

"You can't ignore him forever," Philip said, patting my back. I smiled at him and looked at my phone. I heaved out a sigh and nodded.

I still need time.

"You have the time in the world, Axe," he said, as if hearing my thoughts. I looked at him, waiting for him to continue what he started to say. "Just make sure you don't regret this one."

I nodded at his words, not really in the mood to continue this topic so I said nothing. I looked at my best friend and he was looking at me with sad eyes and pity. I hate feeling this way.

"Let's go and eat, I'm starving," he said excitedly, trying to change the mood of the atmosphere. He stood up and grabbed my arm, pulling me to his way. I laughed at his action and decided to clear my head of the thoughts about Max.

It's been months and I can say that I'm doing better than before. I guess time really do heal wounds. Maybe not fully heal them, but it helped. I looked at my phone and back on the sidewalk

There I saw him walking like something was bothering him. I guess now's the time to face reality.

"Hey, Max!" I exclaimed, walking towards him. He looked taken aback by my action but I just smiled at him as if nothing happened in the past. Nothing should have happened.

"Hey Axel," he said, scratching the back of his head, not looking at me.

"How are you doing, haven't seen you these past few months," I said lightly, trying to brighten up the mood lingering in the atmosphere. I looked at him with a smile plaster on my face.

As much as I was hurt before, Max is still my friend and he did nothing wrong. It was just my assuming ass that got us in this mess.

"Axe, I'm really sorry–"

"Max, don't," I cut him off. I'm not really sure anymore what there is to be sorry about. So, I did the sensible thing to not talk about that. "It's okay I have forgotten about it."

And it was true. I rather have it forgotten to save this friendship of ours.

"Oh."

"Besides," I started, closing my eyes for a brief moment. "I have moved on."

I never knew I would hear myself say that out loud. And it was a relief too.

"That's cool," that's all he said, taking an interest on the ground.

I have to go, maybe I still need a bit more time.

"Anyway," I said, pretending to look at my phone. "I have to go; class is about to start."

"Okay, bye," he waved goodbye, but before he could turn around, I grabbed his arm.

"If ever you need anything, you can always come to me," I said, not really sure where I was going with what I'm about to say. "We're friends, right?"

He just nodded and waved goodbye. He was never the talkative type so I let it slide and leave. I didn't look back because I don't know what I would have done.

~*~

"Time to get drunk!" Philip shouted among the crowd. I laughed at his actions and danced along the music.

I was jumping around with a drink in my hand, looking at the drunk people around me. I felt myself smile. This is my crowd, I said to myself.

The semester has ended today and summer vacation starts tomorrow. Philip decided to party tonight to celebrate the hardship we endured the whole semester. The partygoer that I am of course accepted the invite.

I felt myself bumped into someone and accidentally spilled my drink on my shoes. I looked at the person I bumped into.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry," she looked at me with apologetic eyes.

"It's not a problem, I can just wipe it off," I said, reassuring her that it was nothing.

"Come with me, I'll help you with that," she said, grabbing my hand, not giving me the time to argue that it's really no big deal.

"So, who are you with?" she asked, leading me out of the crowd.

"I'm with my friend," I looked back and saw Philip giving me a teasing look. I flipped him off with my finger, showing him the middle one. "What about you?"

"I'm with my boyfriend and friends," she answered, and we came to a stop at her table.

"Oh, hey Axel," a voice from her booth suddenly called me. I searched for the voice that called my name and smiled at the familiar face.

"Hey Dani, didn't know you would be here," I smiled at her and at Tim. Their group was missing one person, Max.

"I missed you," I said, and it was true. She smiled at me and said she missed me too.

The girl I bumped into grabbed a handful of tissues and gave it to me.

"Here," she said, handing me the tissues. "I'm really sorry, I wasn't looking," she kept on apologizing.

"I swear it's really no big deal," I said, taking the tissues from her hands and wiping off the stain from my shoes. "Oh hey, is your boyfriend Tim, by any chance?"

She looked at me and was about to laugh when a familiar voice suddenly rang in my ear.

"Hey babe, I think I left my lighter," the voice said, still not seeing me, looking at the girl I bumped into. What a small world.

I looked at Dani and Tim and they were sending me apologetic and worried looks but I just smiled at them.

"It's here," the girl said, grabbing the lighter from the table and handing it to Max.

"Max," I called him, and that's when he finally saw me. I looked at him and I still felt my heart flutter. It's not as strong as before but it was still there.

"Axe," he looked at me, suddenly stopping from grabbing the lighter from the girl.

"Oh, this is my boyfriend, guess you knew each other," the girl said, looking at me with glee. I just nodded and smiled at the familiar face.

"I'm off to smoke," he said, still looking at me. I smiled at him and nodded.

"Let me come with you," I said throwing the used tissues to the nearby bin. "Thank you for that," I said to his girlfriend which she returned with a smile.

"I thought you don't smoke?" he said, taking out a cigarette from his shirt pocket. I smiled that he remembered that.

"I still don't," I answered. We went outside as he lit his cigarette. He still reeks of cigarettes, alcohol, and strawberries. I guess what they said is true. You familiarize people with their smell.

"So," he said, taking a hit of his stick.

"You got yourself a girlfriend," we were still walking when we stopped to a nearby person playing his guitar with a girl singing.

"I thought that I didn't care," the girl sang with a beautiful voice.

"Yeah, we just started dating," he said, looking at the people playing. I focused my attention to them as well, not wanting to look at his face. But even if I do so, I still have his face memorized in my head.

"I thought I was love impaired," the girl continued singing.

"That's good for you," I said. It was true. But why do I feel tears tempting to fall?

"But baby, baby."

I looked at him while he's smoking. He caught me looking so I gave him a smile.

"What about you? How are you?" he asked.

"I'm crying," the singer prepared to belt out.

"I'm doing good."

"'Cause I love you," the girl belted out.

He nodded and let silence enveloped us as we returned back to the front of the bar. I sat on the floor as he kept smoking his lungs out. I sighed silently, not wanting him to hear it.

There are millions of things I wanted to say but there's no point. I looked up at the person in front of me as he threw his stick away. He sat down beside me and did not utter a word, and so did I.

It was a familiar silence, a comfortable one. Even without saying a single word, I still feel comfortable. I didn't confess to him that he was my first love and he didn't explain why we can't be more than just friends. And it was okay.

Some people are meant to be just there to be your friends and nothing more, and that's okay. I smiled at the thought, of me assuring myself.

I looked at the person beside me and smiled at him.

"Why are you smiling like that?"

"I'm just happy," I said, and I truly was.

Maybe this is it. Even if I couldn't have him in ways that I want, I can still be happy for him. As his friend, I was truly happy for him, even without saying I hope he can see it.

Thank you for the love and the pain Max, I hope you see that.

~END~