A Trip Abroad

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**Lisa Jonas**

The annoying sound of the ringtone caused me to jump out of the couch.

“f**k!” I mutter.

I look around and I'm still outside. Yolanda left me a note that she went back to campus to finish an assignment and didn't want to wake me up. I rub my stiff neck… this is why I hate napping on the outside couch. s**t, that weed was strong. My brain finally registers where the annoying sound is coming from. The sun has caused an orange colour as it is setting over the mountain.

I walk back in the apartment with the plates and lock the balcony door. I close the curtains and turn on the lights. Solange is still playing on the speaker but on a low volume creating a nice mood.

I'm feeling extremely tired. The phone shuts itself before I could get to it. I can finally breathe.

I drink water and finish the rest of the pizza while feeling dazed. The call comes in again and I answer the phone with a mouthful.

“I've been trying to call you for the past five minutes!” Her voice is full of anger.

“What!?”

“Can you open the gate please!” She says. I grab my keys and hit her button

“Is it open?”

“Yes, I'm driving in.” Ahh what the f*ck! Why is she mad?

“You're here?” I ask.

“What do you think?”

“Uh-uh Ma, you can't talk to me like I'm some b***h you f**k on the daily. Why are you mad??”

She sighs and ends the call. I sit on the bar stool and chew the rest of the pizza. I warm the noodles and finish them off. I pull the packet of chips and she walks in as the microwave dings.

“What's up with you?” I ask her. And before she can answer, I notice her eyes are red. Her face is puffy like she's been crying.

“I need to drive to Pretoria tonight. A friend I haven't seen for years… well I had convinced myself that she died and I grieved for her for years. And now she just called me and it turns out she isn't really dead but alive and she's in Pretoria.” She sighs and throws herself on the couch. I chew the rest of the fries on my mouth, grab a glass of iced water and walk to sit with her on the couch.

“So, you're driving to her?”

She looks at and nods.

“You stink of weed!” She says.

“I smoked it. Wasn't feeling good.”

“Lisa, you're high right now? Why did I even come here!” She abruptly gets up from the couch and walks around the space.

“I know what you're think Shy, but I'm not high and Yols was here, she came with it.”

“And you didn't say no? Weren't you the one almost dying yesterday?? I had to carry you from that dungeon you call a club and nurse you back just so you can turn back and smoke weed!? Weed Lisa!? Are you for real?” She's shouting. I ignore her and gulp down the glass, take off the hoodie then throw it to the otherside of the space leaving only my bra and tights.

“And now you're ignoring me!”

“I'm not starting a fight with you Sydney. That's what you want right? For you and I to fight so you don't feel guilty about whatever will take place in Pretoria! Look, we don't owe each other loyalty. Do what you have to do in that reunion…”

I walk to pull another hoodie from the closet. It's grey but it has a zip and yes, it's hers too. It still smells like her.

I walk out and she's leaning on the counter. The apartment is an open plan with two bedrooms and a bath. My bedroom has an ensuite and I don't pay rent… at least not from my pocket. The abuser's trust covers it. I don't have a roommate. I never wanted one and my biological mother uses the second bedroom whenever she visits.

“You're still here. I'm really not fighting with you. I'm tired…”

She looks at me briefly. The veins in her forehead are popping out and it has turned red along with her nose. She sniffs and breathes out loud.

“I don't want to fight with you too, Lisa,”

“Then why are you here Shy? Why?”

“Because I want you to tell me it's impulsive to drive to Pretoria at this hour. I want you to stop me and convince me not to go, hell— guilt trip me to not drive that car to Pretoria, Lisa. Prepare rooibos tea, hold me in your arms and let me fall asleep with you near me and then I'll wake up in the morning and drive with a clear head. I didn't come here to fight.. I just… I want you to stop me…” her voice trembles and she looks up as a way to stop the flowing tears. She's hurt, confused and is having mixed feelings. I didn't catch that.

“Oh! Mama.. come here…”

I pull her in so we can sit together on the couch and I hold her in my arms.

We sit as a soft tune from Solange plays in the background. The place is warm and the lights are dim. It has created a cosy ambiance on its own.

“Baby, can you lock the door please,” she says. I meet her eyes and nod. She shifts to the side and I get up to lock the door.

I return to her and she pulls me in her lap and I straddle her. She buries her head on my chest as I brush her red hair back.

“Do you have an extra hair tie?” she asks and unzips my hoodie. Her warm hands glide from the back and unclasp a bra I'm wearing, freeing my t**s. I exhale out loud feeling a strange sense of heat overcome me.

I tie her hair with the one in my wrist.

“I got over her. I moved on from her and had partners before I married Richard. I mean, Richard and I; we were both single and good friends, he was hiding his other side of him from his family and I needed permanent citizenship. We learnt to love each other and we've had an open marriage for a while. I've talked about my past partners in the open relationship with him and he did the same. But I never told anyone about you. I never even told my friend Beth about you because I felt like you were someone made for me. Someone I loved and cared for, for the first time since her…”

“She's the girl from Saudi isn't she?”

She nods. I've known about a princess she fell in love with but was killed because their relationship was found out. She shared it with me the first night we spent together, it took a lot for her to open up about it.

“What's her name again?” I ask.

“Zakhira,” she answers.

“I grieved for her Lisa. The rest of my late 20s are a blur because all I did was cry my life away for her. Being eaten up by guilt for someone who never died. I don't know how to feel. I'm mad and angry and relieved and sad and confused. I have mixed feelings about her but what I am sure of is that I'm no longer in love with her. I let her go Lisa, I closed that chapter….” She sniffs again.

“And you came here because you needed to be sure of your decision.”

She nods

“Yes and no. I came here because I love you. Deeply. I'm scared of a lot of things Lisa, your career, mine. I don't care much about what people will say but I care because I'm someone who needs friends and families around. I don't want to pull you away from your people too, promising you something that'll probably never happen. I'm unsure about a lot but you know what I'm most sure about?”

I shake my head.

“I'm sure about you. I'm sure that I want to be with you and love you if that's possible. I'm sure that I want to have New York with you and everything beyond that. I have a lot of fears and doubts but not when it comes to my love for you. Lisa. And before you ask, no, I didn't drink. I'm sober as a judge…”

I exhale a breath I didn't know I was holding. I cup her face and wipe the tears away. I have a lot of doubts and fears too but I know I don't want to be away from her. I want her and all of her.

“I don't want to hide you. I don't want to hide us. I don't want to run away, I want the cold nights and days of EastBay with you, I want hot summers with you. I want the cabin to be our place of rest and not hiding from the people. I want a lot in life that I am not sure about but I'm sure about the future that has you in it. I want you and all of you Shy. To wear all your hoodies and t-shirts….”

We both release a soft laugh. I dip my head and we share a kiss. I helped her take off her hoodie along with the t-shirt, leaving only her black lace bra.

“This is me, giving myself over to you.” She says as she carries me to the bedroom. She places me at the centre of the bed and takes off my tights with the panties. She takes off her own jeans and throws them across the room. They land on the chair near the study table.

She climbs on top and parts my legs.

“Are you sure about this, Shy?” I ask.

She smiles at me.

“I should be the one asking that question. I'm sure baby, I want to do this.”

Okay.

“You're beautiful,” she whispers and kisses me. Low moans escape my mouth as her fingers begin to glaze down my navel. The minute her palm comes in contact with my c**t, my insides begin to clench in response to the pleasure.

“You've been yearning for me?” She teases

“All year!” I confess.

“You won't have to wait any longer, baby. I'll take care of you.”

And she does. Her hands travel down all over my body, leaving a trail of kisses as she moves down my navel. Her lips kiss my inner thighs before making contact with my c**t and she devours it up and down while making sure I'm comfortable and at ease. It quickly sends me to nirvana and I scream and screech loudly as the intense orgasm comes over me. She inserts her two middle fingers in my wetness and my legs part even further as I welcome her in and clench my walls. She moans and whispers, “You're so tight. Don't hold in baby let go, let me have it.” She moans again and places my right leg on her shoulder and moves her fingers inside me in upward motion. I keep arching and screaming her name as she hits my spots perfectly.

“Syd… wait… uhhh” I construct incoherent sentences as she fastens the pace. She holds me down with one hand to stop me from moving.

The wave of orgasm comes strongly one more time and I release a squirt which causes excitement in her. My body vibrates uncontrollably, I cry as she lets go of me. I hug myself feeling embarrassed.

She pulls a clean towel from the closet, wipes me first and then places it on the bed. Under me.

“Hey baby.” She spoons me from behind and pulls me in closer.

She turns to face me and she's smiling.

“That was beautiful.”

It truly was but I don't know why I'm now crying. Oh, yes, I know. It's jealousy that other women before me felt her like I just did. They also screamed as they came continuously under her. I'm feeling angry that I wasn't her first. It was easier knowing that she had died but now, there's an extremely high possibility that they could fall into the trap of reunion again and I'm jealous. We don't owe each other loyalty, I had screamed earlier but I don't think that's still the case anymore. I think we owe each other so much loyalty.

“Don't go. At Least not today. You can drive tomorrow or anytime during the Day, Pretoria is not that far from EastBay but please don't leave me now!” I sound like a little b***h baby but I don't care. I need her here. I need to feel her next to me. I want her to only be mine this evening. I don't care what she'll do from today but now, in this space, I want her all to me.

“I'm not going baby.”