Chapter 5: Gave in
1019 Words
Shane
Hindi ako sigurado kung ang sensasyon na ito ay lust, infatuation, o pag-ibig. I find it unbelievable that I would feel this way about an asshole. Hindi ko pa itinuturing ang isang tao sa ganoong paraan.
My thoughts spin out of control with worry. You have to be kidding me, right? He is not deserving of it. All the resentment and suffering I feel toward him is his fault. This is wrong. My body is no longer trembling, and my breathing is becoming more relaxed. Even though I start to feel faint, I don't want to leave his arms just yet.
His eyes are dark with something I can't quite put my finger on when he pulls away, shattering the moment we were sharing. May kakaibang ekspresyon ang titig niya. Pinagsanib ng passion at pagnanasa, since he obviously desires me. Hunger because I was certain he wanted me now and there was no longer any uncertainty in my mind.
He now knows that I want him too, therefore I'm lusting too. This appears to be that. This appears to be lust. And while I'm aware that it probably doesn't mean anything positive for me, it still means something. Because I don't have the same feelings for him.
Pero ayos lang. Hinalikan ko siya pabalik dahil dito. Nasasabi ko ito dahil ayokong makalimutan niya ako. O baka naman ginagawa niya lang iyon para ipagpatuloy ang paghawak sa akin. Nawalan ako ng kakayahang malaman kung ano ang paniniwalaan dahil wala akong tiwala sa sarili ko. At sa ngayon, kailangan ko talaga siya. Kailangan niya rin ako.
Alam kong pagsisisihan ko sa huli ang ginawa ko. But right now, I want this feeling. I want to feel wanted, safe, and cherished.
And adored.
He must have noticed the bewilderment on my face because he asks right away. "What?" after I've remained silent. He continued what he was doing. and I let him.
Hinayaan ko siyang ituloy ang ginagawa niya sa akin. At mukha namang ikinatuwa niya iyon. Dahil mas naging mapusok siya.
"I will make sure that after this you won't be wanting to leave me," he says again. Then he kissed me again.
And I respond to his kisses with the same intensity.
He continue to roam all over my body.
At hindi ko mapigilan ang mapaungol sa sensasyon na nararamdam ko dahil sa ginagawa ni Stefan sa aking katawan.
I have really lost control of myself.
Kaya naman hinayaan ko lang siya nang simulan niya ng isa-isahing tanggalin ang mga saplot ko sa katawan.
"Undress me, my wife," he whispered to me after and I'm obliged to follow him.
Napatitig ako sa matipuno niyang katawan.
"Like what you're seeing?" Nakangisi na tanong niya sa akin.
Pakiramdam ko tuloy ang pula-pula ng mukha ko. Kaya napaiwas ako ng tingin sa kaniya.
I heard him chuckle.
"Your blushing... And it's turning me on even more," he whispered to my ears. Pakiramdam ko nagtayuan ang lahat ng balihibo ko sa katawan ng dumikit ang labi niya sa tenga ko.
"This is it, my wife." We are going to do it now. We are going to consummate our marriage, and there's no turning back," he hoarsely said to me, then started to claim me.
I cried in pain.
"Hush, sweetie. I'll be gentle. I'm sorry if it hurts at first," he says, trying to soothe me with his words and kisses.
And I arched my back when he started to do wonders to my body while slowly stroking my femininity.
Maya-maya pa ay wala na akong maramdamang sakit.
Only pleasure. And I'm moaning now.
I heard him curse.
It seems na nagpipigil siya para hindi ako masaktan.
And I smiled with that thought. So, this mafia man can be a gentleman, huh?
I don't know how long we do it. But I felt so tired and draining after.
Kaya naman, hindi ko na napigilan ang pagpikit ng aking mga mata.
"Sleep, my wife. I'm sorry if I drain your energy. The thing is, I want to claim you again and again. But you have to rest for now. I love you, Shane." I heard him whisper to me, Bago ako tuluyang makatulog.
*****
Nagising ako sa pakiramdam na may nakatitig sa akin.
Nang magmulat ako ng aking mga mata ay nakita ko na nakatitig sa akin si Stefan.
He look so fresh with his white sando and gray pants.
He looks so fresh in his white sando and gray pants.
I was about to smile when I suddenly realized what had happened to us.
Napatingin ako sa bintana. Maliwanag na sa labas.
It means I just woke up after what happened last night.
Ganoon ako napagod?
Well, it was my first. And...
Pakiramdam ko namumula na naman ang mukha ko.
I was about to speak ng bigla niya kong siilin ng halik sa labi.
"I already told you to stop blushing, my wife. You're turning me on," he said after the kiss. "But you have to recover first."
I gasped, and my eyes widened.
Now that it's sinking in...
Hindi ito maaari!
Pero, wala na. May nangyari na sa amin. At hinayaan ko na mangyari 'yon. Nagpadala ako sa tukso.
I already gave myself to him. and I can't turn it back now.
What did you do, Shane?
Kastigo ko sa sarili ko sa isip ko.
He is my husband; there's nothing wrong with that but I hate him. I despise him. and I was about to escape from him.
Hindi ko dapat hinayaan na mangyari ito.
Pero, nangyari na.
What now?
"Let's have breakfast. But I know you won't be able to stand up because of last night. Kaya dadalhan na lang kita rito ng pagkain." Then he left the room.
Wala akong lakas para makipagtalo sa kaniya ngayon.
I have to fix myself, eat, and then rest again to regain my energy.
Nahirapan akong bumangon nang subukan ko na tumayo.
Kakain na lang siguro muna ako.
I never thought that it would be this painful.
At mas lalong, hindi ko inaasahan na isusuko ko ang sarili ko sa taong kinasusuklaman ko.
- Writer
