A WHIRLWIND OF COLOR

8

I could still hear her screams as the door closed behind them. Or was it my own screams? Because I sounded just like her. Yelling for my parents. Begging for them to fix this.

“Take me home.” I was choking on my tears.

My parents were just sitting there, staring at me like I truly had lost my mind. I had. I knew that I had.

James wrapped his arms around me and started whispering in my ear to calm me down. But his breath wasn’t calming. It made my heart race faster. God, I was going to throw up.

“Penny,” he said in the soothing tone you’d use for a distraught child. “It’s going to be okay. You’re going to remember everything soon. Us. Your children.”

Children plural? “Get off of me.” I tried to wiggle out of his grip. People in the waiting room that I didn’t recognize were staring at us. Judging my insanity. “There is no us.” I said the word “us” with disgust. “And I don’t have any children with you. I don’t have any children at all.”

James shook his head. “You must have seen the similarities…”

I pushed him off of me. “That was not my daughter. I’m the daughter.” I pointed to my chest. “Mom, tell him. Tell him none of this is real.” I was barely getting the words out, I was crying so hard.

A doctor rushed in. “Mrs. Hunter, if you would just take a deep breath.”

“What’s happened to me?” I choked.

James tried to reach for me.

“Mr. Hunter, that’s enough,” the doctor said, stepping in front of him.

“She’s upset, I’m trying to calm her down,” James said.

“You’re the one upsetting her. Can’t you see that? Just give her some space.”

I wanted to hug the doctor. But all my fears came bubbling to the surface. “Am I sick? Am I dying? I’m delirious. I’m imagining things. I’m imagining him.” I pointed to James, hoping that the doctor couldn’t actually see him. Hoping that I was as confused as I believed I was. Hoping that everything was a dream.

“Mrs. Hunter, I need you to take a deep breath.”

“That’s not my name.”

“Okay, Penny, just take a breath. We’re going to get you back to your room.”

“Make him stay out,” I said and pointed to James. “He slept in my bed last night. I woke up and his arms were around me.” I started to scratch my skin, trying to rid myself of the feeling of his touch.

The doctor frowned. “Mr. Hunter, how many times do we have to talk about visiting hours? You’re not allowed…”

“She needs me,” James said, trying to sidestep the doctor. “How can she remember if I stay away from her?”

I started sobbing harder. “I don’t need you. I need to get out of here. I need to go home. Let me go home! Mom, Dad, please. Please.”

A nurse rushed in carrying a needle.

“Don’t hurt her!” James yelled.

But the needle was already being pierced into my arm. The room slowly blurred in front of me. And I entered the dreamlike state I thought I was already in.

Thursday

No matter what I did, I couldn’t wake up from this dream.

“Today’s the day you get out of here,” my doctor said cheerily as he strolled into my room. He sighed when he saw me. “You need to stop pinching yourself, Penny. This isn’t a dream that you can wake up from. He put his hand on top of mine to stop me from pinching my skin.

“I know it’s not a dream. It’s a freaking nightmare.”

He lifted his hand. “We’ve talked about this. You’re suffering from amnesia. Your memory should come back.”

“My memory is fine.”

“You fighting it isn’t helping.”

“I’m trying to hold on to my life.” I felt like I was drowning.

“Getting back into your normal routine is going to help you remember,” he said, ignoring me. “Your husband is filling out the discharge forms as we speak. And he left a change of clothes for you in the restroom.”

“Please don’t make me leave with him.”

“From everything I’ve heard and seen, you two are very much in love.”

A forced laugh came from my lips.

“You’re one of the lucky ones.”

I certainly didn’t feel lucky. Everything I knew and loved had been stripped from me. I was transported into this world I didn’t understand. With a brooding fake husband and a daughter? I didn’t know what was real anymore. Maybe I had imagined the little girl. I probably had. She’d never come to visit me in my room. Maybe I was imagining James. Please let me have imagined James too.

“Are you ever going to tell me about my scars?” I had brought it up yesterday after I came out of my forced sleep. But the doctor had insisted that I needed more rest.

He sat down in the chair next to my bed. “You’ve been having a hard time accepting things as it is. How about we make an appointment for you to come talk next week?”

“So it’s bad, huh?”

“You need to take it easy. You were unconscious for two weeks. You can’t resume normal activity for at least another two.”

“Is it my liver?” God, I just knew it was my liver. I could feel it.He smiled. “No. Your liver is functioning properly. There’s nothing to worry about there.”

“So there is something to worry about?”

“No, no. You’ll live a full happy life. Come see me in a week.” He stood up.

Now that I was about to leave the hospital, everything suddenly felt real. It was slowly sinking in that I was stuck in whatever joke of a life this was. With a man I didn’t know.