Luna Awakening

Chapter One

Allegany Highlands Forest

Cattaraugus County, New York

Present Day

The sound of the tires of her ten-year-old hatchback gliding along the pavement brought her more and more peace with each passing mile. Her small car brought her farther from town and closer to the forest; farther from him and closer to her safe place; closer to the one place he couldn’t reach her; closer to the one place he couldn’t ruin. A misty dense fog was quickly rising from the surrounding streams and lakes, quickly swallowing up the road ahead. Aubrey rolled down her windows slightly, allowing the crisp Fall evening air to flow into the car ruffling and whipping her long wavy blonde hair and cooling her warm face. Her cheeks felt red and hot, and she welcomed the bite of the cold air on her tear-streaked face. She’d been crying since the minute she had pulled away from her two young daughters and the home they used to call their “forever home.” The plan for this drive and really anytime she drove alone, whether she welcomed it or not, was to let out all of her grief while no one was around. Put on her “Break up” playlist and purge her despair before it consumed her completely.

When Aubrey turned 30 years old, the last thing she planned on doing was starting over. She had invested 10 years into a relationship that was built on lies and deceit. She went from being married to her best friend to being married to a complete stranger; a stranger she couldn’t seem to escape from. Not only did she share two young daughters with him, he was also in the same graduate program. Having grown up together, they also shared nearly all of the same friends, classmates, and acquaintances. After their separation, everyone had chosen their “side” for the most part. There were those few that nobly declared they wouldn’t choose a side and would remain neutral parties. Aubrey was quickly discovering that neutral party more accurately acted as a cover for someone looking to collect information and report back to each side, reliably tending to the fire of drama and conflict between Aubrey and her STB ex-husband. Despite sharing many aspects of their lives together, Aubrey discovered that her STB ex-husband had been hiding a great deal from her.

She first noticed something was amiss when he had changed his passwords on his computer and smartphone. Then he started turning his phone facedown when he wasn’t using it claiming “it was less likely to break that way.” She started to wonder about when he got “stuck in traffic” for over an hour, or when he spent more and more time at the gym. Next came the question of where all of their money was going? Aubrey found she was paying for everything: rent, grocery costs, utility bills, and even the daycare costs. Once she began seeing through the gaslighting, she started to investigate and question him more. However, when she tried to confront him about where his money was going, the master manipulator that he was masterfully turned the tables, accusing her of “distrust” or “not making his needs a priority.” He would then take it a step further by claiming her behavior was evidence for her “not caring about him.” The mental games were the most exhausting part. Even when she discovered evidence of him cheating on his phone, he promptly became upset and turned things back to her, “How dare you go through my phone?! You invaded my privacy?!” It seemed that each time Aubrey had a concern or something that warranted her feeling upset, she was the one left crying herself to sleep and feeling guilty and remorseful.

The toll that the constant psychological abuse took on her was the hardest part to escape from him, and she feared it would always be with her. It was as if her brain had been rewired. She struggled with all of her relationships. Always trying to please everyone and absolutely terrified to upset anyone. This wasn’t her. She wasn’t always this way. People used to refer to her as the “firecracker;” quick witted and wouldn’t put up with any sh*t from anyone. Now, she was the shell of who she once was; a paranoid mess trapped within her own mind. If there wasn’t anything to be suspicious or guilty about, her brain would find something to be suspicious of or feel remorseful about. So, even though he was physically gone, it was as if he was still always there in her head. At times, her inner voice even sounded like him.

“Are you sure you want to wear that?”

“You’re selfish.”

“You’re crazy.”

“You’re judgmental.”

Aubrey used to be so carefree and free spirited. Now, she rode what she liked to call “the depression and anxiety rollercoaster.” If she wasn’t a nervous mess, she was a miserable blank slate. She desperately wanted even just a taste of who she used to be, and she was hoping a weekend away in the forest would do just that.

Aubrey had been looking forward to this weekend since she had starting planning it with her friends. Gwen, Izzie, Cass, and Alex had already made it to the cabin and were awaiting her arrival. A weekend of the GGG’s (good food, glamping and girlfriends) is just what she needed. Although, to be completely honest with herself, Aubrey was feeling a little apprehensive. All four of her friends are currently in relationships. Alex has been very happily married to Devin for the last five years. Cass is engaged to Mitchell, and they are preparing for her wedding next year. Gwen has been dating her boyfriend for three years now. She was starting to get anxious that Ryan hadn’t proposed yet since, in her words, she wasn’t getting any younger. Izzie was currently in a relationship, but Aubrey couldn’t recall Izzie’s boyfriend’s name. It was difficult to keep track of who Izz was dating. Izzie tended to gravitate toward brief intense relationships. Once she felt things getting comfortable, she bolted like a gazelle running for its life from a lion. Aubrey was truly happy for her friends and their relationships, but she found that whenever they talked about their men, she felt a sense of emptiness and the claws of grief scraping at her core. The pain stealing her breath away like a cold northernly wind. Guilt would quickly follow reminding her that she should be focusing on her friends’ happiness, not sulking and perseverating on her own sorrow.

As Aubrey drove, the fog became thicker and thicker. She turned the music down in hopes that it would help her concentrate. Although, who was she kidding? It wasn’t the music impacting her concentration. It was thoughts of him. As much as she was happy to be out of a fake and abusive relationship, her heart still yearned for him. The fact that she still had feelings for him made her feel sick. She knew in her mind that leaving him was for the best, but her heart and her mind weren’t seeing eye to eye. Since she left, her mind battled the will of her heart to run back to him. Her heart at times even found ways to convince her to go back. The main argument centering around being a thirty-year-old student with two kids. What guy would want a woman with that kind of baggage? He was also all she knew. She didn’t even know how to actually date having spent her late teens and all of her twenties with him. Maybe she should try to make things work? Her mind wouldn’t relent though reminding her that she had been trying to make things work for years now and where did it get her? Cheated on and emotionally and psychologically tortured. No, she could not go back. She would never go back. This was her opportunity to find the woman she lost to him and bring herself back to life. She had two little girls watching her, and she needed to show them what a strong woman looked like.

“Come on, Aubrey. This isn’t the end, it’s just the beginning,” she said quietly to herself.

           She repeated the mantra two more times as recommended by her therapist. As she said the words, she could feel the power of them ricochet through her body. Aubrey had to work hard to rewrite her narrative. She used repetition as a way to convince herself of things she did not yet believe; kind of like an advertisement: the more she heard it or was exposed to it, the more she would come to believe it. She had been seeing her therapist, Jackie, for over a year now. Her STB ex-husband actually was the one to suggest she see a therapist to help her deal with her low self-esteem that he had convinced her was the real problem in their relationship. Little did he know it was the best thing he could have suggested for her. Jackie helped open Aubrey’s eyes to the abuse and mistreatment she had become completely blind to overtime. Aubrey shuttered thinking about where she might be had she not made that tearful phone call to Jackie that sunny afternoon after she had discovered the text messages and photos on her STB ex-husband’s phone.

As Aubrey drew her full attention back to the road, her reflexes quickly took over. A doe and two fawns suddenly appeared within the fog running across the road directly in front of her car. Aubrey tried to hit her brakes but soon realized she had to choose between hitting the deer or swerving to miss them. Her choice was instant and she quickly jerked her steering wheel to the right nearly hitting the fawn bringing up the rear. Before she could jerk her car back towards the road, she was careening down the steep hill on the roadside. She could hear the branches and small trees breaking and snapping as her car slid down and down farther from the road and deeper into the forest. Her car finally came to a stop and slammed into a thick tree abruptly deploying her airbags. Aubrey felt like she couldn’t breathe. The airbag had knocked the wind out of her lungs and she could feel a warm liquid running down from her nose. Blood.

“Oh god, it’s blood. It’s blood,” she thought as she felt herself getting dizzy. She continued to hyperventilate, her lungs burning with each inhale. It was then that she became aware that she was stuck in a ravine alone at night in the middle of nowhere.

“Oh no. No. no. no. no. no…” she said to herself.  The blood was still seeping down her face and pooling in her lap, and her vision was starting to blur. She could feel herself losing the fight to remain conscious. As she felt herself falling, succumbing to the pull from reality, she thought she saw the shadow of a large figure quickly making its way through the brush and trees towards her. As the figure reached out for the handle of her driver side door, everything went black.