Sky Full of Stars

Chapter 12: Exploring Memories

    I was changed quickly and seated on the bed beside her, ignoring her stares as she watched my back while I was undressing. Once I was seated beside her, she moved from her position to sit cross-legged in front of me, watching my face carefully.

    "I don't like this plan..." She whispered softly, her voice cracking slightly.

    I smiled gently, trying to encourage her. "Miznia, I've got you on my side. We'll be together the entire time, remember?" I kept my voice gentle, reaching for her hand slowly. She placed her hand in mine, and I squeezed her hand gently. "If anything goes wrong, I know you have my back." This felt weird. I shouldn't have been this comfortable with her, but something in my soul told me this was where I was meant to be.

    She looked up at me, and I could see she was fighting back tears. "Promise me you'll be okay... I just found you, I can't lose you already..."

    I cradled her face in my hands carefully, looking into her eyes and mustering as much intensity as I could. A strange anger overcame me at the thought of anything hurting her, including my own death, and I felt my body grow hot. "I swear to you, Miznia, nothing will take me away from you now" I murmured softly.

    Her eyes were wide, staring into mine. She reached up and cupped my cheek, running her thumb along the bone beneath my right eye. "Your eyes..." She whispered.

    This was the second time now that she had mentioned my eyes, and both times were when I was angry. Something wasn't right...

    "Miznia, what is it? What about my eyes?" Fear replaced anger once more, and I was left once again with a chill where the heat previously was.

    Miznia blinked and shook her head slowly. "I... I don't know. For a second they seemed to be... Glowing. But I guess that's not so unusual for aasimar, right...?" Her voice was hesitant again, and I got the strange feeling that she was afraid... Of me.

    I slowly dropped my hands into my lap and stared down at the ground. "I'm sorry, I don't know what happened..."

    There was a long moment of silence, then Miznia took my hands back into hers. "I want to show you something..." She whispered carefully. "Something... Strange... But I want to show you before tomorrow... Just in case, you know...?"

    I wanted to tell her there was no 'just in case', that we would all make it out okay and she could show me then. I wanted to comfort her and show her that whatever future the gods had planned for us would happen and we would be happy. But it was much too early for that kind of talk, let alone thoughts. Instead, I squeezed her hands and nodded.

    "Okay. What do you want to show me?"

    She hesitated slightly. "My... First memory of you..." She murmured, almost inaudibly.

    I raised a brow. "How do you intend to do that?" I asked.

    "Do you trust me?" She asked, looking up into my eyes.

    "With my life." And it was the truth. More than just in combat, I found I trusted her in every possible way. But I couldn't let her know that, could I?

    "Okay..." She breathed. "Open your mind... I'm going to share it with you..."

    She leaned forward until her forehead was pressed lightly against mine, her lips mere centimeters from mine. I closed my eyes and tried not to focus on the sweetness of her breath on my face or the warmth of her hands in mine.

    And then, it was all too easy as I felt a slight tug on my mind. I followed it's direction and was suddenly viewing an entirely different room.

~

    Who is this? A paladin? I heard the thoughts before the vision was fully formed, and I recognized Miznia's voice immediately, though she'd said nothing.

    And then the vision followed the sound, and I was shocked to see myself, standing in the Defiant Plate, streams of sunlight filtering in through a high window that bathed me in golden light as I spoke to Evangeline. A strand of dark hair fell in front of the right side of the vision, and when this version of me turned to look at what I could only assume was Miznia, the gazes locked for an instant before she dropped her gaze to the floor. This was how she experienced our first meeting...

    s**t s**t s**t, it's her! Gods damn it all, I'm meant to be with a paladin!? That's my future wife...

    I watched as the perspective shifted slightly as Miznia turned to look at Cylqis. "Cylqis, that the paladin we've been waiting for?"

    Cylqis turned to look at me, then muttered something to Emdrom. Ulneak and Alben looked to me at the same time as Emdrom, then I heard Alben's voice in Miznia's head.

    Go find out. She's staring at you.    I felt the heat of Miznia's blush, invisible against her dark skin. Then she was approaching me, this time from her perspective.

    Don't be stupid, or weird, Miznia. Just say hello and tell her your name.

    "I expect you're our new member. The changeling is Cylqis, the twins are Ulneak and Alben, and the dwarf is Emdrom. Who're you?" i***t, you didn't even mention your own name  or say hello!

    I saw the fake smile I had plastered to my face and cringed internally. To me, at least, it was obviously fake. "Nimue. And you are?"

    Miznia's eyes searched my face again, just like when we first met, but this time I knew what she was thinking.

    Gods she's beautiful... Let me be wrong and she's not a paladin of some god of good.

    "I am Miznia."

    The memory sped up a bit to me standing in front of the party and speaking to Emdrom for the first time. Miznia was back against the wall, watching the encounter and giving me a strange new view.

    "Huh, so you're our newest fighter? And ya heal too, aye?"

    "Aye, that's true, sir. I am Nimue, daughter of Rhalta and Tearlar, paladin of Kareem, the goddess of light..."

    Blast it all, of course she follows a goddess of good...

    The rest of my introduction and guessing game with my companions was mere background noise as Miznia got lost in her thoughts.

    How kind of the gods to pair me with someone so beautiful and so unattainable. She would never go for someone like me... A thief, an assassin, a..."

    "... rogue" I heard myself say, Miznia's gaze meeting mine again.

    I felt the shrug as if I had done it myself and felt the smirk like it was on my own face. "Got it in one."

~

    I was taken aback by how quickly Miznia seemed to realize our bond was made by the gods themselves. It reminded me so much of Mother, and I felt myself overcome with sadness at the memory of her passing again. Father had told us the story again of how he and Mother had met, but it never felt the same after her death.

    I pulled back from Miznia, tears stinging my eyes. "You knew... So soon..."

    Miznia was clearly confused by my reaction. "Nimue...? What is it?"

    I was on my feet and heading for the window before I even registered her question, but she had already beaten me there, reaching up to cup my face in her hands.

    "Stop, what is it?"

    "We can't do this... We can't..." I shook my head and stepped back from her. I knew consciously it was illogical to see it this way, but I firmly believed if I let myself be happy again that it would be taken away, just like before... Just like Mother... And it was all my fault.

    "Nimue..." Her voice broke, and I knew I'd struck a nerve. She didn't try to hide the hurt on her face, and I felt that unexplainable anger once more, the heat rising up quickly.

    "We can't be together, Miznia... You'll get hurt..."

    Miznia stared at me, no longer in pain but now in fear. Despite that, she didn't hesitate when she rushed forward and wrapped her arms tightly around my waist. I stared out the window, watching the clouds as the covered the stars.

    "Calm down... Please... Your eyes again..."

    Every time. Every time I got angry, she said something about my eyes. I looked down at her to find her face buried in my chest, and the image was oddly soothing to me.

    Slowly, trying not to startle her, I raised my arms and wrapped them around her slim form, feeling the heat slowly dissipate once more, leaving an odd chill in its place once more.

    Her head snapped up when the heat was gone, her eyes searching mine.

    "Now... Please, tell me what you mean... You're not making any sense."

    I could feel the shaking beginning as I struggled to fight back to overwhelming sadness, the tears I knew were coming. I didn't manage to get in under control fast enough, and Miznia's hands were cupping my face again, her eyes searching mine.

    "Nimue...?"

    "Does... Does that... Work both ways...?" I gasped, feeling my chest tighten and my throat close up at the sobs I held back.

    I don't know how she knew, but Miznia knew exactly what I meant. She nodded and pulled me back to the bed, pushing me down to sit, but she didn't sit beside me. Instead, she stood in front of me and pressed her forehead to mine again, taking deep breaths.

    "Think about what you want me to see, focus on it, and then don't let go of me."

    I wasn't entirely sure what she meant by the last part, but I wrapped my arms tight around her waist and thought about the day Mother died, about the dream I'd had the first night after we'd met.

~

    The room we shared in the tavern faded away and suddenly I was back at the farm, watching myself from a totally different perspective, one that shouldn't have existed as the memory of me leaned over Mother's dying body in her final moments.

    Then I felt a hand link with mine, and looked to see Miznia standing beside me, her fingers laced with mine.

    Don't let go of my hand, or the vision will fade for me and I won't be able to see... I heard her voice though her lips didn't move.

    How can you do this...? I thought, not entirely sure she could hear me.

    This is the little bit of magic I can do. I'm able to see others memories, and share my own, on top of focusing and hearing thoughts. But the trick here is you have to hold on to me the entire time, or else I'll be gone and you'll have to face this alone again. I don't want that for you. Her voice was so soothing, I found myself leaning closer to her, gripping her hand like it was my lifeline.

    Okay. I trust you, Miznia.

    I won't let you down. Now, let the memory continue. Her grip on my hand tightened ever so slightly, and I looked back to mine and Mother's still forms, only just realizing that I'd subconsciously paused the memory.

    I took a shaky breath and willed the memory to continue.

    "Mother, please don't go..." From this angle, the sound of my voice breaking broke my heart more than ever before.

     "Come now, Great Wolf..." Mother coughed weakly, and I winced back from the sound. It was so much more real, seeing this with someone at my side. "Shed no tears for me... I will always watch over you... Even from Kareem's sweet embrace... Remember that..."

    Miznia's hand squeezed mine, but I barely registered it.

     "Mother... Please... I can't even bring the others in to say their goodbyes... They won't even be able to kiss you goodbye after you've gone..."

    Your family didn't get to say goodbye even after she had gone...?

    No... The plague could still be passed even from the dead if they touched her.

     "And they shouldn't... It will only make them ill, and I won't have any one of my beautiful children follow me because of this sickness... You have to protect them, my Great Wolf, my Nimue... You are the firstborn, the strongest of your siblings... I am so proud of who you are and who you will become... Please know that... I love you, my sweet girl..."

    I found my body shaking as I failed to fight back the sobs that finally escaped, watching this all happen again. I felt an arm wrap tightly around my shoulders, and looked down, causing the memory to freeze once more, to find Miznia, still clutching my hand, hugging me tight. As much as I wanted to return the gesture, I had to see this through to the end. I had to focus on my mission. 

    After a moment, she pulled back and used her free hand to wipe my tears away gently.

    Are you ready? Can you continue?

    I have to... I have to finish this... I set my jaw in determination and willed the memory to continue. Miznia returned to my side, but I felt her free hand loop around my arm as her hand that held mine tightened.

    I heard the sniffle and watched the memory of me wipe her own tears away. "I love you too, Mother..."

     "Watch over them... Ensure they're safe and cared for... But don't neglect your own happiness in the process... You all deserve happiness... And I will see you again, someday soon... Take care of them... Take care of you... I love you..." I heard her breath go with her final goodbye again, and the memory fell apart as my body refused to go through it anymore.