Lost

Realistic Nightmare [ Jeremiah]

The nightmares began again and I had no idea why. The clock on my side stand read three in the morning and my palm was cold and sweaty. I wipe off my tears and sit up leaning on one hand. The surroundings were same, the lights were still on since the dark scared me. After Char died, darkness was haunting for some reason so I slept with lights on.

It has been three months since I last had a nightmare. I press my temples with my thumb and the middle finger trying to ease the sudden pain.

Standing up, my feet dragged me to my balcony. I was choking inside and needed fresh air. Even at this hour of the night, the city was blaring. Resting my hands on the railing I tried to count the stars in the sky. A ritual that Char and I followed when she wanted to calm me down. It was a task too useless and yet mind distracting.

And for some absurd reason when I looked at the stars and started counting them, the girl's laughter rang in my head.

She must have seen me somewhere. Even the thought made me chuckle. It was not always you go around being a superstar and people not recognizing you.

But what made me think that? She was not pretty or even neat. It was just her laugh that made me rethink about her. Charlotte's laughter was aching, she laughed for me even when she was dying, kept it together for the sake of his younger brother.

Was Magenta a nurse there? Helper or patient?

She can't be a patient. Most of the people in that medicinal torture zone were dying and no one dying can be that happy.

Jeremy, why do you give a s**t?

Right, I don't give a s**t.

I walk back in the room, my nose and fingertips cold and pulled out an album of me and Char. This was the last thing, last memory I had of my sister.

As I opened it after three months, a sharp pain hit my chest as my fingers curled around the front of my tee with a gasp. Seeing her smiling at me was painful and I wanted to pull her out of that photo album somehow but I can't. I felt so helpless that it was killing me from within.

And then it hit me as I stared at my smiling sister as to why I give a s**t?

Magenta had the same smile, same dark chocolate brown eyes that almost seem black just like Charlotte did.

***

As soon as the clock struck six, I called up Ash.

His lethargic tone told me that he was still sleeping, "I need some information, Ash."

"Okay, and who is it?" He asked yawning unabashedly.

"Um- that girl who spray painted my face."

There was a silence on the other end.

"Are you dead Ash?" I asked a little agitated.

"Why?" He asked in a serious tone.

"because you are not answering me."

"no, why do you want her details?" He asked clarifying his why.

"Just because," I had no clear reason to offer.

"Fine, I will get you her details." He said and another yawn followed.

And then he hung up on me. I should have told him about the nightmares but I couldn't, it would another failure added to my list of failures in life.

***

Her name was Sasha Toroise and Shawn said she was hired as a helping staff. So, she was not a patient and for some reason, it was relieving.

It took a whole week of nightmares to convince me that I should not meet Sasha no matter how much alluring her eyes were. The thing was I can't even remember her face properly.

And one dream to drag me back to that f*****g awful place.

Charlotte was in the dream, she is in every single one of them. But this time, it was mom and dad. My parents were not in the scene since I was four so I don't even remember much except their faces that adorn my walls in mini wooden frames watching at me destroying my life.

But that was not all, we all are playing with water guns, laughing happily. The dream was so pleasant that I didn't want it to end, my brain was alert enough to realise this could not be a reality but my heart felt otherwise. I was barely clutching onto this thread of hope when all my family splattered water over me.

The dream ended when I realized it was not water but a distinct shade of magenta.

And that day, late afternoon, after the shoot I was in that charity hospital.

I was clueless what I would do, what I would say but I was there anyway. The drinking was not helping me and neither did my one night stands. And for some reason, I was here for hope.

"Jeremy, what a pleasant surprise," Shawn said sounding not pleasant at all.

Our pleasantries were cut short when a nurse came rushing in his clinic.

"Kathleen is missing again sir."

And Shawn offered me an apologetic smile before he dashed out of the room. Obviously, I followed. On reaching a certain point I saw the girl in the discussion, Kathleen sitting on the lobby floor with another girl who I couldn't see.

And nurses and junior doctors started making excuses blaming the other girl.

It was when she asked to be excused in a shocked manner, my eyes found her dark chocolate ones. Anger, pain, ecstasy everything surged through me like a shot of some drug I have never tried.

Her hair was in a neat ponytail but that is where neat ended. Her attire was shabby and torn in many places. Her shoes were from different century altogether.

"Fire her then." I intone casually a sudden idea in my head.

"No, she stays here," Shawn said with a tone of authority and I saw the imminent relief on her face.

What was going on here? Was Shawn her boyfriend or something?

My plan just went into the drain.

There was a voice telling me to walk away from this because this was dangerous. Nothing in this world comes for free, not even hope.

I looked up and she was glaring at me with absolute anger. She had the aura of kitten fury, like a harmless fur ball trying to use the claws that are not sharp enough to hurt. Innocence around her was uncanny and unnerving.

She was so wrong whoever she was.

And I will combust her like everyone around me. I turned away to walk out of this crazy deal I was just about to make. One stupid dream and I am here, why? I don't believe in dreams, I had a f*****g reality to live through.

"Everything is resolved Jeremy, I think we should get back to my office and talk." Shawn reminded me where I was and I nodded in a hurry to walk out as well.

"Mr. Filmstar." This time she called out and without even helping it I turned immediately.

"If you can't help, don't mess it up for people when they are not at fault." She was not angry, not mad just reproachful in a way that made me feel guilty.

Does she know I killed a person? Of course, she doesn't. No one does.

Her brown eyes stare back at me. I was leaving, didn't I? I tried but she had to challenge me with that look like I didn't know about pain in life like I had it all.

"I am helping, this hospital runs on my money." Real mature, Jeremy.

She gave me a dry smile, "And these patients don't have to spend a dime to get treated?"

Shawn was now looking a little wary, he knew like the rest of the world about my shattered image. Everyone except this little ball of fury apparently.

"Yes, they do." I snap at her.

"Get out of the dream bubble Filmstar, nothing in this world comes for free."

And with that remark, she shut me up and walked away.

I just decided, Sasha Toroise was too intriguing and a new piece of distraction.

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