Lost

Verge of Insanity ☘ Jeremiah

I will categorize myself as insane. I have developed two personas or some might say. There is a part of me that is gloomy, suicidal as f**k and bad but then there is another part of me that seeks light and help, that feel guilt and dream about exotic red lips, that even react when Magenta touches me. Insanity is a fickle topic. As soon as we put something in the list of insanity people start judging them and the society divides them and put them in a different category, in a different dimension like we don't deserve a hand of support.

And I guess I come in that category. Because after losing a reason to live I should not find someone to protect.

But my insane part said Magenta needs protection and I placed myself in such situation that only I was there to provide it or rather I was hoping that only I was there. That was not entirely true. The meeting we set up that day didn't happen to it was happening today. Magenta, Jack, Sam and I was sitting in the charity hospital cafeteria.

Jack looked at me with hatred in his eyes because he knew I was the one that made him lose his first fight, he knew I was the face of Satan and I didn't blame him but he was having trust issues.

Sam, on the other hand, had the only reaction that made sense, she was star struck.

Magenta was busy eating a burger not caring how we all gathered just because of her.

Her eyes lifted and even before she could mutter a word Jack gave her glass of water and my insane part was alive again. I was envious of a person living on the street with not even a home to live in but he had spent half his life with Magenta and I unintelligently started f*****g comparing us in my head.

I wanted to ask him why Magenta is in such a state and why she keeps fainting and million other things but I didn't want to place my ego on the line just then.

"How does this work?" Surprisingly Jack spoke up.

I reminded myself that I had an upper hand on Jack, he doesn't know that Magenta's evil foster brother was back, I did, only I did. And as much as I didn't want to attach myself with Magenta I was now her only source of protection against that jerk of a human being.

"I am talking to you movie star." He said and I sighed as he was boring me.

"Your sister needs out and I will hire her for my boutique, problem solved."

"It is not that simple. The man who keeps his eyes on street kids works for a mob boss who has high connections. He can easily reach Sam if she tries to run away." Jack stated.

I didn't want Magenta to know this way but I guess I had to share it then.

"Don't assume the industry I work in is a walk in the holy water. Maybe you don't know and I might be friends with the mob boss." I said with an air of arrogance.

I exaggerated alright because I met the guy once and I would not call him friends because I did kill one of the directors from his hand but I didn't share that piece of information.

The horror on Jack and Sam's face was evident but my eyes trailed to Magenta who calmly munched on french fries not bothered in the slightest. And that scared me, what will it take it scare her away. What will it take for her to run away from me because my feet couldn't seem to move on my own now?

"I will keep her safe," I said in a bored tone trying to convince Jack and God knows why.

"It's done so can we all go now. My lunch time is over." Magenta said and got up surprising us both.

Since her brother came back she has been avoiding looking at me or talking. And I have tried to ignore the fact that it bothered me.

"I will be here after Magenta's shift ends and show you the workplace," I said and got up.

"Magenta?" Sam said with an amused smile.

I just rolled my eyes and realised that actually, it was weird when others might hear it.

***

"I need you to look into someone," I asked Ash as he was happy about the completed photoshoot.

"What now?"

"Someone name Reginald," I answered vaguely.

"And where did you meet him?" He asked and I had to think up a legitimate answer.

"At the bar down the town where I killed the director."

"You don't go down there."

"But I did now."

"Or maybe you met him in some underground fighting ring."

It was not daily when I was left speechless but today I was at loss for words.

"What?" Was all the response I could manage.

"The fighting ring you go to."

I inhaled sharply.

"Since when?" I asked.

"Since you started."

"Why didn't you stop me?" I asked the obvious question.

"Because I know that a part of you is...." He stopped and I realised he also considered me insane.

"Insane?" I prompted.

"I meant broken."

"What is that supposed to mean?" I said in a defensive tone.

"You know what it means."

"Find about this Reginald if you get time from stalking me."

"I am your manager Jeremy, it is my job to stalk to you."

And I wondered how many times did he notice when I tried or even thought about killing myself.

***

Sam and Jack got out of the car waiting for me to step down outside the boutique. I was facing another nightmare here. This was Charlotte's invention, her design and it might haunt me if I entered.

"If I kissed you right now, how will you react?" Magenta's word shocked me enough to make me forget about the trauma.

"What?" I asked looking straight at her.

"Just saying to get you out of you super depressed state." And I have her a deadpanned look.

But there was no denying it that my eyes flickered to her lips for a second.

We stepped out of the car and without even warning me, Magenta gripped my hand as we walked inside. I should have forced her hand away or should have at least protested but like a coward, It was her hand that was holding me in place.

I introduced Sam to everyone and unlike Magenta, she was talkative and easy going. She made quick friends. Jack stood there like a protective brother carefully observing everyone.

But I kept my eyes on Magenta because that was actually helping me. She didn't leave my side but her eyes glowed with amazement as she looked at the pretty dresses. It was clear that she had never worn one but I ignored the insane part of me pushing me to buy one for her. That will be crossing a line which I could not come back from.

"Time to answer some questions." She said and I raised my eyebrows daring her.

"Fighting your demons. Elaborate." She said.

It was her turn to ask questions and I can't refuse because she answered all of mine.

"Let me help you. I know you lost someone and I know that someone's memories are haunting you. I know that you have created a hardened shield around you and project pain in an unhealthy way, I know that you think you lost a part of you which is probably true and I know you try to survive with pain."

She knew me like a page from a book, a book she had read too many times, a book she hated and yet read it because it kept her anchored to the reality. She knew me like she knew herself.

"My sister Charlotte," I said it and a heavy weight lifted from my chest.

"Your sister?" Her eyes glowed and she actually wanted to know more.

"You must have loved her a lot." A ghost of a smile played on her lips.

"I still love her." I corrected her and she nodded.

She didn't ask me question after that and I was relieved.

"She owned this place?" She made other correct assumption.

I nodded.

"This place is wonderful." Sam came gushing in happily, "I even got this to wear for work. They said it was Charlotte's original design for the uniform."

"This is pretty Sam." Magenta said with a happy smile for her friend and I saw even Jack lost his grump ass look.

"Try this out." She said and I sucked in my breath sharply.

Seeing Magenta in my sister's original design was kind of an intriguing and overwhelming idea and I was not ready for this.

"We need to go now," I said pulling Magenta with me who didn't seem surprised even a bit.

Jack face hardened and I came to realise that he liked her.

The drive back was silent and I felt kind of bad for suddenly dragging her away when she could have tried a dress or something. But then again I shouldn't feel bad that was not like me.

She had more questions to go and I was scared that by the time she was done I will be undone.

"It might sound shameless but I can I request something?" She asked and my duel persona which recently came into being felt glad that she needed me for something.

"Sure."

"Teach me to fight." She said.

And that is when I realised why my insane part never scared her because she herself was on verge of insanity.

☘ ☘ ☘