End of days

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

She raised her eyes to meet his eyes as he knelt before her. Tears ran unheeded down her face. When he reached out toward her, she instinctively recoiled from him. He dropped his hands without touching her.

" Leah Rose, I am sorry for frightening you." His voice was hoarse. She swallowed with difficulty as she stared at him.

"No matter how angry I am, I will never hurt you," Rayford vowed. "You must

believe that."

She nodded, unable to speak.

Rayford reached out to her again, and this time she held herself still and tense as he touched her. He gently curved his hands around her face and rubbed his thumbs under her eyes to wipe away her tears. Leaning forward, he kissed her softly. She offered no resistance but could not respond to his overture. He sighed as he stood. "I will see you at mass," he said quietly. "We will break out fast together as usual."

 Leah Rose stared after Rayford as he left the chamber. She dragged in shattering breath Although she knew in her mind that he would never strike her, her instincts for survival had caused her to react blindly to his threatening posture. What had hurt the mon during their confrontation was his lack of trust in her and in her judgment.

She knew with certainty that Damien was telling the truth and was innocent of attempting to murder Rayford. Rayford had closed his mind to reason and justice. She was powerless to help her friend and feared for his life. Could Damien be right? Was Alate jealous of her friendship with him? Did Rayford think she would break her marriag vows? How could he think she would commit such a sacrilege?

As she stood, her legs were so shaky that she abruptly dropped back into the chair The argument with Rayford had affected her more than she realized. He had lulled her into thinking she could trust him, but for the first time she questioned his actions. He had tried to intimidate her with his superior strength. She realized that he had only taken the time and effort to "train" her to make his own life easier, to have a willing wife in bed. It was obvious to her now that he cared nothing about her as a person, that he cared nothing for her feelings or opinion.

 Leah Rose took a deep breath and stood. She dashed the useless tears from her eyes. If that was the way he wanted their marriage, so be it. The love she had begun to feel for him was stupid and foolish. It only made her more vulnerable to him. She must banish it from her heart.

Rayford silently cursed himself as he stormed down the steps. He strode through the hall ignoring his men as they stirred awake and the servants as they went about their chores. Out of the donjon, past the armory, and through the outer ward he headed toward the southeast turret on the outer curtain. After climbing the spiral steps two at a time to reach the crenellations, he headed north along the allure, ignoring the greetings of the guards he passed. He paused in front of a crenel to watch the sun rise.

 Leah Rose's concern for Langston and her unwavering belief in his innocence sent his temper to the boiling point. How dare she question his orders or his judgment Gradually, as the brilliant pinkish orange color faded from the clouds and the sun r across the valley, he felt his anger dissipate with the retreating darkness, leaving only regret in its wake.

What was it about Leah Rose that roused this rage? Why was he always losing his control with her? He had never hurt a woman, but this morning he had come dangerously close. The realization filled him with shame. He took a deep, calming breath.

 Leah Rose had accused him of being jealous of Langston. That was ridiculous. was his wife, not Langston's Leah Rose

The quiet of the morning was pierced by the clanging of the chapel bell calling everyone to worship. Enough, Rayford chided himself. This morbid introspection was getting him nowhere.

He had work to do.

Rayford was not her father. He had not physically hurt her, Leah Rose reassured herself. He had merely tried to dominate and control her.

Merely, she thought in disgust. Now she was making excuses for his awful behavior. Usually she played her lute when she was upset, but today she could r stand the idea of being in their bedchamber. Dispirited, Leah Rose went downstairs and closeted herself in the herbarium, trying to find peace and order by following the recipes, grinding and mixing the herbs. nor

A firm knock on the door interrupted her. "Who is it?" she called. ""Tis Elizabeth, Leah Rose. May I come in?" "Aye." Leah Rose turned to greet the older woman as she entered the room.

"I am afraid I have come to stick my nose into your business," Elizabeth said with a determined look on her square face.

"What do you mean?"

" Leah Rose, 'tis obvious there is some problem between you and Rayford. You barely spoke to each other yesterday, and today he is in a foul mood and you are moping Margaret made me promise to look after the two of you." The older woman paused briefly. "I hope you consider me a friend."

“Aye, Elizabeth, I do."

"Sometimes it helps to talk about your problems to a friend."

"Aye, that is true," Leah Rose said. It had helped enormously when she had confided in Rayford and told him of her father's abuse.

"You will find I have a very sympathetic ear. And I will hold whatever you tell me in the strictest confidence."

 Leah Rose found herself explaining to Elizabeth her argument with Rayford over Langston, Rayford's anger and threatening manner, and his lack of trust in her. Elizabeth listened attentively, encouraging Leah Rose with gentle murmurs and understanding nods.

"Marriage is complicated," Elizabeth said when Leah Rose had finished. "You and Rayford were two strangers tied together, and now you need to learn how to live in harmony. As you rub together, you will start to shape each other so you fit together more smoothly. Like this." She closed her fingers over her palms and rubbed the knuckles of one hand against the other until it fit securely in the indentations of its partner. She held her hands out for Leah Rose to see. "Unfortunately, the rubbing process can sometimes be very painful." Elizabeth dropped her hands back to her sides.

"Do I not have rights in the marriage?" Leah Rose asked. "Must I submit to whatever Rayford demands of me?"

"Well, first of all you cannot think about your rights or your pride. Marriage was ordained by God for the mutual joy of husband and wife, for the help and comfort each gives to the other. If you focus only on yourself, then resentment and anger builds. So the key is for both of you to be humble and submit to each other in the marriage."

"How can I get Rayford to humble himself?" Leah Rose asked.

"You cannot, my dear. You can only change your own behavior and attitude." "But if I do not stand up for myself, Rayford will just ride roughshod over my feelings. I am afraid I will simply cease to exist."

"My dear, that is your pride speaking. We are all selfish and self-centered creatures, but Jesus calls upon us to love each other and to be humble in heart. Love is a choice, an action, not merely a feeling. Being humble means that we think more about the needs of others than of our own wants and desires. Humility does not mean we do nothing and allow others to mistreat us.

"You cannot coerce Rayford to do what you want by making demands or criticizing him. If you avoid making demands, and try not to become angry or disrespectful when you discuss your feelings with Rayford, most likely he will respond in kind. If you are humble and considerate in the midst of an argument, usually the other person will calm down and respond in kind. Tis a very hard thing to do becau our natural instinct is

to be selfish and to consider our own feelings before anyone else's." "What if he becomes angry with me again?" Leah Rose asked. "What if he physically threatens me like he did yesterday?"

"Then you just stop talking to him and come back to the discussion some another time," Elizabeth advised. "That will give him a chance to cool down." "What you say seems reasonable."

"Just remember that Jesus tells us to do unto others as we would have them do unto us. He tells us, 'Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap.