End of days

Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"Lord, break my spirit. Break my willfulness. Conform my will to Yours. You alone are worthy of my obedience. You alone are holy. I rededicate my life to You. I ask that Your will be done in my life as it is in heaven. All this I pray in Jesus' name, amen." Feeling as if he had just climbed an enormous mountain, he leaned his head back

and rested in the chair. Peace pervaded his soul-a peace such as he had never known.

Rayford looked at his mother. "I thought about what you said yesterday, Mother. You were right. I have been like a willful, selfish child. I have asked for God's forgiveness and I have asked Him to change me."

"Oh, Rayford." Margaret clasped his hand in both of hers. "I am so my prayer for a long time that you would seek the Lord's guidance and that you v trust in Him and not rely solely upon yourself." glad. 'Tis beet would to point out

"Tis hard. I did not want to admit how arrogant I am. I needed you my failings to me."

"Pride and the desire to be God is the oldest sin. "Tis the sin Satan used to tempt Adam and Eve. We, all of us, are beset by the old Adam. We need to daily submit our will to God's. It does get easier the more we do so, the more God changes our hearts."

Rayford nodded. "Now

that you have humbled yourself before God, the next step is to humble yourself before others. The Lord calls upon us to love others as we love ourselves. That means putting the needs of others before our own selfish wants and desires." Raking his free hand across his mouth, Rayford reflected on her words. Humility would be even more difficult for him than submission. He was used to being in

command, having others serve him. How would he be able to serve others?

"You can do none of this on your own," Margaret said. "Pray and rely upon the

Holy Spirit to continue to change you." "Mother..." It shamed him to admit this to her, but he knew that if he did not unburden himself of his guilt, it would continue to tear him apart and might eventually destroy him. "...I am still haunted by the deaths of my men. In my arrogance, thinking I could conquer anything, I deliberately put my men in danger. I caused their deaths." "Rayford, have you asked the Lord for forgiveness for your part in their deaths?"

"Aye."

"Do you not believe Him when He says that when you confess your sins, He removes them from you, as far as the east is from the west? That if you confess your sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive your sins and cleanse you from all unrighteousness? You must trust Him and rely on His promises."

"Mother, please continue to pray for me." "I always will, Rayford, I always will."

While Margaret stayed with Rayford, Leah Rose took a walk on the allure with Wyham. Every time she left the confines of the bedchamber the sadness that pervaded the whole of Merclif, from the great hall to the inner bailey and the lists, oppressed her and made her feel guilty. Everyone had been extremely solicitous of her supposed state of mourning, treating her with gentle sympathy as if she, in her fragile state, would shatter with the least provocation.

"I am so sorry we are putting everyone through this suffering," she remarked to Wyham when they were out of earshot of the guard.

"Tis an unfortunate result of your plan, my dear. Wyham commiserated with her. "The people's grief will soon turn to joy, when this is all over." Raising her face to the sky, Leah Rose breathed deeply of the fresh spring air. Life had

become even more precious to her since Rayford's near fatal injuries. She rejoiced in the light breeze caressing her cheeks, the warmth of the sun on her skin, and even in the faint scent of manure from the livestock stabled below. Leah Rose returned her gaze to Wyham's face. "When do you think my father will come?"

"Belwick sent out spies to Cardel's estate in the north. Cardel left Narhex two days ago with a large force. We believe he will be here in a few days. I have proposed to Belwick, and he has agreed with me, that I should leave Merclif with the king's men while Margaret remains here with you. Twould be natural for her to remain behind to comfort you. After making a public departure, we will surreptitiously return to Merclif and remain hidden. The soldiers will camp out, concealed in the woods, while I sneak back into the castle. They will provide support and backup for Merclif's troops when Cardel strikes."

"How soon will you leave?"

"Tomorrow."

"We need to tell Rayford about our plan soon. It is getting harder and harder to keep him in our bedchamber. Thankfully, he has almost regained his full strength."

"Aye," Wyham agreed. "Belwick and I will come to your chamber this afternoon to explain to him our course of action."

"Good. I think he will accept the idea better if it comes from both of you instead just myself."

"My dear, your plan is brilliant. You have an excellent tactical mind." Leah Rose smiled. "Thank you for your kind words, milord."

"Rayford, where are you going?"

He paused with his hand on the latch of the door and looked over his shoulder at her. Leah Rose rushed over and inserted her body between Rayford and the door.

"I am heartily sick of these four walls. I am strong enough to go downstairs."

"Nay, you must not."

"Why not? You can walk by my side, if you think I am likely to keel over." Leah Rose pressed her hands lightly to his chest. "Rayford, please. You must not leave

this chamber. Lord Wyham and Sir Hugh will be here soon to explain everything."

"What is going on?"

"Please, Rayford, will you just wait until they can explain?"

"All right."

Leah Rose breathed a sigh of relief that he had yielded to her wishes so easily. There has been a marked change in Rayford lately. Not so much his physical condition, but his mood had improved tremendously. It seemed to have stemmed from that time she had left him on his own three days ago. He was less demanding, less dictatorial, more appreciative of her efforts.

"Have I told you lately how grateful I am for your care of me?"