Recreational Love

Prologue- Michael-2

“I’m afraid.” I said before turning onto Spencer’s street. Instead of letting him off at his house, I drove past it. We had a special place, a field surrounded by woods two blocks over. His neighborhood association held bonfires and gatherings there throughout the year. It was usually deserted, and we’d spent many nights talking underneath the stars, and, of course, other things.

“Me too.” Spencer murmured. Moments later I swung onto the dirt lane leading to the field. Once there I switched off the ignition and faced him.

“What’s going on?” I asked, and reached out my hand for his. This was a new thing for us. Holding hands, hugs, touching each other. Having this affair, or whatever we wanted to call it. When it began six months ago it was a simple thing, a matter of s*x. Lately, it had transformed into something I recognized from television and movies, but couldn’t put into words.

“I, s**t, I don’t know how to say this. You’re joining the marines in a few days, and I’ll be in Florida all summer before heading to Harvard.” Spencer’s hand grasped the door handle and opened it. He stepped out of the car and sat on the hood. When I got out, he spun toward me before I could take another step. His words stopped me in my tracks.

“I love you. That’s what I had to say. I should have said it a long time ago, but I was afraid you’d…” He looked away and kicked a rock into the grass.

He loved me? Oh my God. Didn’t he know?

“Well, what makes you think I don’t love you too?” I walked around the car and sat next to him, holding my hand out. He sniffed, then his fingers wrapped around mine.

“You do?” Spencer whispered, shifting so his eyes could focus on mine. Whenever he faced me dead on I’d get flustered, my head spinning from, hell, I didn’t know why. He drove me crazy, and I should have told him sooner, not waiting until the last minute. But I was terrified. I squeezed his hand and drew him into an embrace.

“Yes, Jesus, of course I do. This is killing me, Spence. But…” My voice trailed off. Dad had my life planned out. Marines for three years, then get my degree. Afterward, I’d join the family real estate business. I had no say so in my future, or at least it seemed that way. Spencer had been accepted to Harvard early, got a full scholarship. His future was planned out too, and he’d be spending the summer with his grandparents in Florida before heading north.

“Nothing we can do, huh?” He murmured, then his lips touched mine. My eyes shut, and when his mouth opened, I felt the first tear escape, sliding down my cheek. Spencer pulled back, and I opened my eyes to see his fingers reaching up and wiping it away.

“So I guess we’ll never know how this story ends, will we?” He asked, then placed his hands on my chest and pushed me back. Spencer glanced away, then crossed his arms over his chest.

What the hell? We wanted so much, but nothing we could say or do would change it. Unless... maybe we could run away together, tell our parents to f**k off. We were adults, over eighteen, in control of our own lives. I pushed myself off the car and faced him.

“Let’s get out of here. We both have a little money saved from our part-time jobs. We could find an apartment downtown…” My voice trailed off as I saw the bitter smile crossing Spencer’s face.

“Yeah. I’ll turn down a full scholarship to Harvard, and you’ll say goodbye to the family business. And our lives will be so, so happy.” His words were bitten off with an anguish I’d never heard from his lips before. He sighed, and once again buried his face in his hands. Finally he looked up, and his mouth said words I’d never forget.

“You know we can’t do that. We’ve just got to face the facts. We can’t be together, not now or ever. The universe is telling us to…”

“f**k that.” I growled, then my fist landed on the hood of the car. Spencer jumped. “This isn’t fair.”

Spencer’s eyes glittered in the moonlight, then he sobbed, his next words cutting through my fantasy.

“It’s not fair, but it’s the truth. If I could change it, I would.” He took my bruised hand in his and kissed it. Placing it on his cheek, he took a deep breath, opened his eyes and waited for me to respond. For the first time in my life I was speechless.

There had to be a loophole, a way out. There was no way we’d be torn apart forever. This wasn’t fair. Seeing his face red and wet, his shoulders shaking while clutching my hand made my heart skip, then sink as our reality sunk into my stubborn brain. There were no words I could speak, nothing to take away his pain, and none for the agony tearing through my gut. When I hadn’t spoken, he whispered words I loved, and hated.

“I love you, Michael, but let’s face it. You will probably meet someone else in the service. Who knows what will happen to me in school. It, well, it just wasn’t meant to be right now. You know, wrong place, wrong time, something like that.” Spencer choked, his voice thick.

He spoke the truth, but the thought of anyone else touching him the way I did, hell I’d kill them. How, I mean, how could he even think about that?

A growl came from my throat unbidden. Spencer put his hand on mine, then his back straightened. When his leg kicked out and hit my knee, I knew I’d scared him.

I stomped away from the car. f**k. All of the angry words dried on my tongue, and instead I spoke desperately, wanting to hang on to a shred of hope. When our parents were long gone, and we had everything we could ever want, we could be together. Nothing would stop us.

“Fine, but... if you’re still single and I’m still single by, I don’t know, twenty years from now… I can’t even think of you with anyone else. I will never love anyone but you Spence, I swear. If I have to wait another twenty years, so be it. I’ll wait. Promise me…” I felt my lips curl, but not in a smile. My throat closed, and for a moment I couldn’t breathe. I stared at the ground, praying my tears would dry, and hoping Spence would return my words. Why was I so embarrassed to cry in front of Spencer?

“Damn it, Michael, don’t do this.” Spencer whispered. “Yes, I will. I promise.” He closed the distance between us and his arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me close. Spencer laid his head on my shoulder, and I laid mine on his, our hearts beating together.

“I’ll wait for you, Spence, I promise.” I whispered, tears flowing down my cheeks.

“We’ll be together one day Michael. s**t, I promise. Just please, please don’t cry.” Spencer pulled me even closer. I stiffened, unable to give in to his warmth, to the inevitable parting. His hands slid up and down my back, and finally I gave in, my torso falling into his as my sobs grew in strength.

“I love you Spencer Talbot. Never forget that.”