fae-ted

Lies

Hazel couldn't help but gasp as she walked inside. It was a well sized room, with plush white carpet and two large windows, framed by chiffon curtains. Through the glass Hazel could see the swaying leaves of the trees at the property line, a gentle dance of variegated greens.

In the middle of the room stood a four-post, ornate bed, complete with its own canopy. Against the far corner wall a generous mahogany desk, with accompanying leather chair, waited for her to take a seat.

Placing her bag on the bed, Hazel approached the desk. On the corkboard above she could see that her mother had pinned pictures of all her old friends, as well as the flags of the universities she had been considering applying to.

"Do you like it?" Her mother sounded almost breathless. "We thought, what with your exams and all, that you could do with a little privacy..."

"Is this supposed to be some kind of trick? Do you think I'm an i***t?" Hazel felt her hands ball themselves into fists. "I told you what I needed and you ignored me! Do you reall think some photos are going to make up for that? They only remind me of what I've lost!"

She pounded her fist on the table which made a dull, muffled sound. She could feel the sting of fresh tears pricking at her eyes but she shook her head violently, unwilling to resign herself to them. Her mother, who had sat still through Hazel's tirade got up, gently closed the door and walked over to the bed. "I don't consider you an i***t Hazel." Her words, when they came, were eerily calm, her mass of curls partially obscuring her features. "But you sure are acting like one."

Hazel froze for a second, shocked. Her mother had never insulted her before. "Do you really think I would have uprooted us all, to here of all places, if I had a choice?" Her mother's words were clipped, as if pulled unwillingly through gritted teeth. She glanced up, fire burning in her hazel eyes. The only feature they truly shared. "I had no choice!" Her mother's anger was growing. She glared at Hazel as if, by forcing her to admit the truth, she had somehow caused it to happen.

"The bank was going to take our house. I couldn't make enough to feed us all and keep a roof over our heads. Alan had agreed to move in and take over some of the financial burden, but for obvious reasons," she shot Hazel another look, "that didn't work. Really, if he had not come through at the eleventh hour and offered us this place, basically for free, we would be on the street right now." Hazel felt her mouth open but no words seemed to be forthcoming.

"You want to know what the real kicker is?" Hazel's mother kicked the bed with the heel of her boot for added effect. "Now that we're out here in this godforsaken place I can't even find work which means I can't repay him and I can't find us somewhere else to go. We're trapped, just as I knew we always would be." She shook her head, quelling the angry tears in her eyes, and took a couple of deep breaths. Her face crumpled for a moment and Hazel was reminded of how young she was, despite having an almost fully grown daughter and six more besides.

"I'm sorry Hazel." When she spoke again her voice was tight and controlled. "You understand I didn't have a choice, don't you?" Hazel nodded slowly. She felt thoroughly ashamed of her behaviour but also thoroughly confused. Why did her mother talk about this place with such vehemence? What did she mean by trapped.

Her mother sighed again, wiping her nose and eyes, her dainty bracelets dancing against her jawline. "Lord knows you've had enough responsibility placed on your shoulders over the years Hazel." She smiled wanly. "They were your responsibility as they are mine and even though that wasn't really fair, you never complained. You were always my littlest helper." Her mother smiled, giving up and letting her tears flow. "You were always my best friend."

"If you had told me any of this I would have helped!" Hazel sat down next to her mother and put her arm around her. "Why didn't you tell me?" Her mother shook her head. "You don't know how many times I wished I could tell you Hazel!" Her mother opened her mouth, as though she was about to launch into a tirade of her own but she quickly closed it. "I just didn't want to worry you," She finished lamely, "but I can see now that maybe I have been unfair, expecting you to act as if you knew everything." She grabbed Hazel's hand and squeezed tightly. "Will you help me now?"

Hazel nodded numbly. Her mother smiled, more widely this time, stroking her face. "Thank you baby. After all, the other girls have lost a lot too and I want to make the most of this fresh start," she looked around and Hazel was surprised to see disdain in her eyes, "no matter the circumstances."

"Mum?" Hazel caught her mother as she stood to return to the living room. Her mother hummed in response. "What do you mean 'the circumstances,' what's so bad about this place?'" Her mother paused for a second, as if in thought but then shook her head, her long curls bouncing off to top of her light denim jeans. "Nothing in particular. It's just sort of...a drag, you know?" She laughed a loud string of pearly laughs, dropping one after another. "Middle of nowhere, if the deer aren't funny I'm afraid we might die of boredom.

Hazel tried to smile as she stood to follow but something felt off. Her mother was lying again.