When the ice melts

Chapter 20

Sam’s P.O.V.

“W-What?” I asked while blinking a few times like that all was a dream and this could wake me up. But unfortunately, nothing of this happened. She just stared blankly at the other side of the room, avoiding my eyes.

I sighed deeply, of all things I could have said I decide to say what... Seriously Sam!? How stupid is that?

“I’ve almost died two times already. First time I let my sister die for me, one person I loved the most. She sacrificed her own life for me! How selfish is that!? It’s my fault she isn’t here now”

“Hey, it’s not your fault”

“It is, Sam. It is,” she whispered. “And second time” she stopped for a moment “Well, I don’t actually know how I survived at all. Just look at all these scars and you would agree there is no chance for someone to survive it. And since that night I get flashbacks now and then. I used not to sleep for nights because I was scared that I am going to go through it all over again. Since then I started having panic attacks. I’m such a mess”

I slowly brought my hand to her chin and gently forced her to face me. I have so many things on my mind that I could tell her. How sorry I am, how she is that strongest person I know, how all that happened is not her fault. But at the moment when her eyes met mine that all left my mind. I opened and closed my mouth looking for the right words but there was nothing. Silence. I just wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into me. I gently caressed her back until she relaxed and buried her head in the crook of my neck. If my mouth can’t say anything, my body can.

“I am really not expert with words but I know how to hug,” I said and she chuckled. I don’t even know how to hug, to be honest, but it seems fine to her.

“You are helping” she whispered and I suddenly felt myself getting hotter when I felt her breath on my skin.

“You know, you can be a mess. That’s nothing to be ashamed of” I said when I pulled back and put her hair behind her ear. “Messes can be cleaned up, or messes can be left how they are. But they can be beautiful either way. They are like art.” I looked at her eyes and caressed her cheek “Actually no. Scratch that. In fact, they are art and it just takes the right person to see the beauty in them”

“Wow” she breathed out and smiled at me “And this comes from a girl who said she is not good with words huh”

She slowly leaned on my touch and closed her eyes, while with another hand she reached for mine and intertwined our fingers. She smiled shyly and my heartbeat got faster just by looking at her smiling again. And like all our moments this one as well was interrupted when Charlie jumped between us and literally pushed me off of Dušica. He looked at her and started licking her cheek. We both giggled and she kissed him sweetly. “It’s okay, buddy, I’m fine” she patted his head and he curled up at her lap.

“I guess you two don’t need me anymore,” I said an got up, but before I could walk away Dušica grabbed me for elbow, gently though. “Stay” she whispered and looked me directly in eyes.

I was shocked at first but her voice was almost like pleading.

“What?”

“Please. Uh, just” she looked away and scratches her neck “just stay”

I had a big urge to smile but decide not to so I bit my lip and nodded. I laid on the other side of the bed and immediately her scent hit me. The whole bedsheets were covered with it. I had such a big urge to just bury my head in the pillow. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, then exhaled slowly. I could feel her staring at me, but decided to ignore it because if I open my eyes anything could happen and I know it’s not the right time. She was only wearing her oversized T-shirt and panties, without a bra! I mean come on.

And then something I really really didn’t expect happened. She came closer to me and placed her head in the crook of my neck. My heart was beating so fast, I thought it was going to explode. It’s too close, I can’t be that close to people! But it kinda felt nice... Okay, maybe it’s not that bad after all. I slowly wrapped my arms around her and brought her closer to me. Charlie was on the other side of the bed so I didn’t need to worry about him. I could feel her smile against my skin which made me smile as well.

“Good night” I whispered and kissed the top of her head.

“Night,” she said with a sleepy voice and kissed my neck.

Holy crap I thought I was going to die! I felt a shiver running down my body and my heartbeat getting faster than ever. She, of course, noticed this and curled up with me even more.

Soon, we both were slowly falling asleep feeling safer and calmer than ever.

***

I woke up in Dušica’s bed alone. I already missed her warmth. I took my phone that was on the bedside table and saw it’s only 8 am. What the hell? Where is this girl?

I slowly sat up and rubbed my eyes. I was so bored but somehow I didn’t want to left this room. I took tv remote and turned it on. I don’t know what I pressed but cameras showed me every room in this house, except five rooms which were the guest rooms where we were sleeping.

I started looking for Dušica and finally saw her in the gym. She was doing push-ups and she looked so hot. I decide to go there so I got up and walked out of the room.

When I come to the gym she was punching boxing bag, her back facing me. Music was playing but not too loud. She was wearing white Calvin Klein yoga pants and a white bra. Her hair was tightly tied in a high ponytail and there was no makeup on her back. Her every scar was visible. I just couldn’t help myself but stare.

I leaned at the wall and crossed my arms. Of course, soon she sensed someone staring at her so she turned around and smiled when saw that’s me.

“Hey,” she said and walked out of the boxing ring.

“Hi” I replied awkwardly which made her chuckle.

She turned the music off and took a bottle of water. I stared at her scar on stomach and she looked at me and then at her stomach and sighed. “You all know, there is no point in hiding it now. Anyway, I was doing it just because I promised my mom I will. It hurts her more than me when she sees it” she said with shrug.

I just nodded and she took a sip of water and one cap slipped away. I followed it with my gaze down her chin, then her neck. I gulped hard when it comes to her chest and looked away.

“Are you okay?” she asked and smirked.

Did she just figured out what I was doing!?

“Uh-um yeah,” I said, well more like stuttered. “Anyway, I just gonna go now”

“Wait, I’ll go with you,” she said and picked up her things “I really need a shower”

We walked in a comfortable silence the whole time. When we were on the second floor Mia showed up.

“Hey” she greeted us. “Can I talk to you?” she turned towards Dušica.

“Yeah sure,” she answered and gave me one apologetic look.

“I’m just gonna go dress up,” I said and walked away.

I need to go to Dušica’s room and take my phone first. When I was in TV immediately brought my attention. I saw Mia and Dušica in the music room. I know I shouldn’t but something just pushed me to do it, so I took remote and clicked on that camera. Picture of music room showed on the whole screen and I heard them talking something on Serbian.

“Do you have anything new?” Mia suddenly asked when Dušica sat at a big piano.

“Yeah, actually. Wanna hear?” she asked on which Mia nodded.

She took a deep breath and her fingers gently started running down the keyboard.

I know you’ve got the best intentions

Just trying to find the right words to say

I promise I already learned my lesson

But right now, I want to be not okay

I’m so tired, sitting here waiting

If I hear one more just be patient

It’s always gonna stay the same

She started singing and my heart started aching immediately when I heard how vulnerable her voice sounded.

So, let me just give up

So, let me just let go

If this isn’t good for me, well I don’t wanna know

Let me just stop trying

Let me just stop fighting

I don’t want your good advice or reasons why I’m alright

You don’t know what it’s like

You don’t know what it’s like

Can’t stop these feet from sinking

And it’s starting to show on me

You’re staring while I’m blinking

But just don’t tell me what you see

I’m so over all this bad luck

Hearing one more keep your head up

Is it ever gonna change

I sat down on the bed, I know this is bad and I am not respecting someone’s privacy but damn!

Don’t look at me like that

Just like you understand

Don’t try to pull me back

That’s it! I got up and turned the television off. I grabbed my phone and rushed out. I walked into my room and stripped down. I decide to take one relaxing bath before going out.

A lot of thing was running through my mind right now and I need to relax and just don’t think about anything.

I don’t know how long I was underwater, but when I was done with bath and my morning routine I walked out and quickly changed into something more comfortable. I took denim shorts and my favorite black tank top. I was ready to walk out when the door burst open and startled me. Anna, Emili, and Elena rushed into the room.

“Oh good, you are awake,” Anna said.

“Well good morning to you too, anyway why are you entering like someone is chasing you?”

“Anna woke me up,” Emili said and rubbed her eyes.

“And these two woke me up” Elena added and yawned a little.

“And we went to wake Mia but she was showering, so we came here to wake you” Anna added.

“And once again, why?” I asked.

“Smell of food woke me up, I guess Dušica is making something delicious.” she simply said and I nodded and chuckled. “And you decided to wake them all because of that?”

“Yes! Now come on, I’m hungry” she said and pushed the other two who groaned outside.

I shook my head in disbelief and followed them. When we walked into the kitchen indeed we found Dušica cooking something. She was wearing just an oversized shirt (once again) and nothing more. She had big headphones on, and she was singing and dancing. It was really cute though, we all giggled and sat down on the counter, not bothering to tell her we are here.

Yo, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want,

So tell me what you want, what you really really want,

I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want,

So tell me what you want, what you really really want,

I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ha.

Oh my god, I can’t believe she is listening to spice girls! We burst out laughing but she still didn’t notice anything.

If you want my future forget my past,

If you wanna get with me better make it fast

She hummed the rest but this made me think like a looot, but I didn’t have much time to think anything when she kneeled down to get something from the cabinet. Her panties were visible and my mouth was wide opened when I saw black lace. Anna leaned on the counter even more and stared at Dušica’s ass, but I smacked back of her head.

“Ouch,” she said and rubbed her head and sat down.

“Calm your hormones,” I said and glared at her.

Dušica got up and flipped something in a pan. Is that a pancake? But this is much bigger.

At that moment Mia walked in and looked at us then at Dušica and started laughing. “She is having a concert isn’t she?” she asked while holding her stomach and we nodded while laughing.

She walked towards Dušica and smacked her butt.

“Bloody-” Dušica jumped and took off her headphones then saw Mia next to her who was laughing her ass off “Mia!”

“You making pancakes?” she asked and wrapped her arms around Dušica’s waist.

“Duh,” she replied and kissed Mia’s cheek.

She turned her head in our direction and froze when she saw us.

“How long have you been here?” she asked.

“Long enough,” Elena said with a giggle.

“That was embarrassing,” she said and buried her head in the crook of Mia’s neck. Mia stroke her hair while trying to hold back her laughter.

“Don’t you all dare to laugh” she said and glared at us.

And just like she said the opposite thing we all burst out laughing. Mia sat on the counter with us and Dušica shook her head. She took a mug that was next to her and turned toward us, leaning at the cabinet behind her.

“Why are you up so early?” she asked and brought the mug to her mouth.

No one replied, we all just stared at her T-shirt like idiots. Mia laughed while Dušica looked at us with confusion in her eyes.

“Nice shirt babe” Mia finally voiced out.

“Oh,” Dušica said with a smirk when she looked down.

I guess you wanna know what kind of shirt she wore right? Well, I am just going to show you because...

“Dušica is a fan of 69 and Adidas.” Mia said with a giggle “She is such a perverted child”

“Oh come on”

“What’s up with adidas?” Anna asked.

“You don’t know?” she asked with exaggerated shock.

We all shook our heads and she smirked.

“Well according to Little mix Adidas means All day I dream about s*x and I just can’t stop thinking about it when someone says adidas...” she informed and turned around.

Mia laughed when she saw our faces and Dušica chuckled.

“Anyway, I made pancakes,” she said and put a plate full of pancakes in front of us “Those are not your ′American’ pancakes” she added and rolled her eyes.

Indeed those weren’t our normal pancakes, those were bigger and slimmer.

“Do you girls wanna coffee?” she asked before she sat down.

We shook our heads and started eating while chatting with each other and enjoying each other’s company.

Somewhere in the middle of our meal, we heard voices coming from upstairs.

“Honey!?”

“Kitchen!” Dušica yelled.

Not long after that Zoe came in the kitchen wearing a fancy business suit.

“Good morning Mrs. Nikolić” we greeted politely.

“Morning girls,” she said with a big smile and kissed the top of Dušica’s and Mia’s head.

“Mom, this is Elena” Dušica started introducing us.

“Elena Elena?” Zoe asked and looked back and forth between her daughter and Elena.

“Yes, mom, that Elena,” Dušica said and chuckled.

Zoe smiled widely and walked towards Elena who already got up.

“Oh my god! I am so happy to finally meet you in person honey” Zoe said and hugged her.

Elena was taken by surprise first but she giggled and hugged her back. “I am really glad to meet you to Mrs. Nikolić”

“Please, call me Zoe,” she said when they pulled away.

“And these are Anna, Emili, and Sam. You got to meet her last night though” Dušica added.

Anna smiled and offered her hand but Zoe just smiled and shook her head.

“I don’t shake hands,” she said and Anna frowned “I hug” Zoe added with a giggle and hugged her. She did the same with Emili and me and I could see girls really like her.

“Do you wanna join us, mom?” Dušica asked when she was greeting us.

“No, thank you. But you should go and get ready” Dušica nodded and got up from the counter.

“What are you wearing?” Zoe asked while looking at her shirt.

“Mom you know I am cancer, and cancers love sixty-nine. It wasn’t a coincidence that our zodiac sign is 69 just on the other side” Dušica said with a sheepish smile on her face.

Zoe shook her head in disbelief with an amused smile “You know, maybe that is actually the truth. Your dad is cancer as well and he just loooves 69” she said.

“Geez mom, I don’t wanna know,” Dušica said and put her hands over her ears. We all laughed together with her mom.

“Anyway, go get ready,” she said and sat on Dušica’s previous place.

“I just gonna take a shower and dress up, be right back”

“Honey, you just got out of the shower when I called you hour ago” Zoe informed and rolled her eyes.

“Yeah but that was shower after two hours spent in the gym, this one is going to be just to refresh,” she added and ran away.

“Just hurry up, we need to be there in less than one hour” Zoe yelled after her.

“Will do” we heard her yelling back.

We spent about half an hour with Zoe, just talking about some random stuff. She was a really funny person to talk to. She was like a teenager when she talked with us. We walked towards the living room and sat down together.

Soon enough we heard Dušica yelling while walking down the stairs. “I’m ready!”

We looked at the stairs and I swear I almost stopped breathing. She was trying her hand watch right now and didn’t bother to look at us. Anyway, we all were speechless while watching her.

She was wearing a grey business suit with a black shirt under it. The sleeves of the suit were 3/4 long. She also wore black high heels and a black watch and sunglasses. She looked up at us and smiled.

Zoe got up and walked towards her “You look nice, sweetie”

“Thanks, mom. You know once one woman told me that the first impression is very important.”

“God, you have one hell of a mother,” Zoe said which made Dušica laugh.

“Don’t flatter yourself mom” Dušica said and playfully pushed her towards the doors.

“Feel like at your house girls” She waved at us and they both bid their goodbye’s.

It’s been three hours since Dušica and Zoe left. We were just chilling in playroom, bowling. Charlie was running around our legs and we couldn’t play. For now, Elena was leading and everyone was pissed. I laughed like crazy at their reactions.

At once door opened revealing smiling Dušica.

“Hey girls”

“Hi, how was it?” Emili asked.

“It was fine actually. Talk to you after I change” she said and walked away.

“It must have been good,” Anna said “She seems happy”

We all agreed because indeed she does. We kept playing but soon decide it’s time to take a rest so we went to the next room (one with video games and walls full of drinks and snacks) and sit on lazy bags. I put Charlie in my lap and gently caressed him.

Soon Dušica appeared in laziest outfit ever. She was wearing grey sweatpants, showing her underwear and white Nike shirt.

She jumped on lazy bag and sighed. Charlie jumped away from my lap and run towards her and she picked him up.

“Where’s my baby boy?” she asked and kissed him. “Did he listen to you girls?”

“Of course,” Anna said.

“So how was the meeting?” Mia asked.

“Amazing. They all are amazing people and we get along pretty good.” she said and looked at me “Your parents are amazing”

“I know right” I simply said with a smile.

I really love that she likes my parents as much as they like her.

“Anyway, what do you girls want to do today?”

“Let’s just chill here” Elena suggested.

We all agreed and that’s exactly how we spent the whole day. In that room, playing Call of duty, Fifa, GTA and other games. When we were hungry lunch was served here and soon enough it was time for us to leave.

“Do you really have to leave?” Dušica asked when Willy and others were getting our cars.

“Unfortunately,” we said.

Cars were there after a few minutes and she kissed us for goodbye and waved. I was really sad I was leaving this place. Believe it or not, in this place for only two days I felt happier than most of my time home. I sighed deeply and kept driving. I really can’t wait to see her tomorrow at school.

Dušica’s P.O.V.

They just drove away and I sat on stairs outside of the house with Charlie in my lap.

The whole weekend was amazing, I felt so happy with them here especially Sam. I immediately felt empty after she left. I don’t know what is so special about her. Actually, I know, everything is special.

Her eyes. Her smile. Her personality. Her face. Her laugh. Her humor. Her everything. Her!

If only she knew how much I think about her. I looked down at Charlie and his eyes were piercing at me.

“What do you think about this buddy? What’s wrong with me?” I asked him and he just barked and licked my hand. “You know, she is the only person I feel so good with. It’s like when she is around I feel complete. She makes me feel special. When she smiles at me I feel like my whole world is spinning around me. I get weak at my knees every time she touches me. She is the first person I feel so comfortable speaking about my past. I showed her my most vulnerable state and you know what she said? She said I am still perfect for her. She said that all those flaws make me perfect. When she was laying with me last night I felt so safe and protected. I finally get good sleep after so much time. I was just like, just wrap your arms around me and never let me go. She smells like chocolate, did you know that? Her scent is like the best thing on this world and it calms me down, even if I never loved chocolate” I said and chuckled. “Last night when she said that she used to hurt herself I felt tug in my heart. I felt pain all of sudden and I don’t know what’s happening.” I looked up at the sky and sighed “All I know is that I want her near me, always. But, unfortunately, I am not gay.”

I have been talking with Charlie about Sam for a while now. It was already 10 pm and I better get going to bed. Tomorrow is the first day at school and I don’t want to be late.

I wished a good night to maids and went straight to my room. I quickly changed in an oversized shirt and lay on the bed with Charlie next to me. I looked at myself in the mirror on the ceiling and sighed.

“I am not gay,” I said and repeated this like some kind of mantra until I closed my eyes. “I am not gay,” I said once again and fall asleep.