Hidden River

Tick Tock

Michael Outside The Book

---

What time is it?

Such a strange thought

That a tick tock

The digital block or chiming bell

could define so many of our interactions.

The mother, the daughter, the hopeful lover

That must bend to friend

So as not to lose the closeness that a heart can lend.

---

Freddy continues his tender care, and Alisa keeps her distance. Eleanor, the mother, looks at the child of hers. She doesn't know the girl in front of her; Alisa's heart is numb. She spends each day remembering what her daughter used to be and only sees a shell with no peace. I spin around seasons as they change, and very soon, a baby girl is gained.

Freddy

I rise before the morning light and step outside onto my balcony. I look down to see Alisa's mom sitting outside, so I go around the outside of the house to greet her.

"Good morning," I say.

"Good morning," she replies.

"You're well today, I hope."

She smiles and sighs. "You're a good man, Freddy Black" I don't know what to say to that, so I just sit.

"Could you tell Alisa that?" I laugh at the words that fall out of my mouth.

"She's been through a lot. I'm surprised to see her as well as she is."

I start to speak, but she stops me. "Freddy, just don't give up."

"Never" I can't help but sigh.

Alisa

It's the c***k of dawn, and oddly enough, the baby isn't crying. I drag myself out of bed and look in the crib on the other side of the room. She isn't there, so I walk out to the living room and see Phoenix slowly turning the infant around, a light tear running down her cheek.

"Phoenix?" She hides her reaction and swallows, so I choose not to comment.

"Sorry, I..." She starts to say; I wave her off.

"It's okay; thanks for taking care of her."

She shrugs, "of course."

Just then, my mom and Freddy walk through the patio door. Freddy gives Phoenix a soft look.

"Here let me take her" Freddy takes the baby from Phoenix's reluctant arms.

Michael Outside The Book

---

What's the name for all I'm feeling?

I don't have a single answer.

I am silent; you are reeling

Let's go dance along this river

---

Alisa

Freddy drives Phoenix to the performance center, and my mom decides to go for a walk around the lake with the baby. I have to confess I don't know what to do with myself now that I'm done carrying another life around inside of me. I guess I could get back to work, I have a feeling Freddy would put a damper on that thought, but I could. It's not like I'd be the first dancer to return after pregnancy. But then, who would look after the baby? There is nothing stopping me from getting a nanny. Lots of people do, and I know my mom needs to get home soon. After deliberating, I decide to walk down to the performance center and talk to Brook. I arrive a few hours later, absolutely drenched in sweat and completely exhausted. I head through the practice hall and to Brook's office at the back. I knock on the door.

"Who is it?" I hear a shuffling noise.

"It's Alisa, may I come in?" I hear some more shuffling. Then there is a pause.

"Yes, come in." Brook opens the door.

"Alisa! Hi!"

"Sorry, oh hello, Mr. Spencer" They look flustered, both of them like they were just making out, and I am equally sure that they both know that I know. I bite my lip both figuratively and literally.

"It's good you're here. I can talk to both of you. Unless...I can come back later."

Mr. Spencer jumps in. "No, that's fine... Brook?"

"That's fine; come in." She agrees we all sit down.

"So how's it going? How's the baby?" Rowan asks.

"She's good, she hardly cries, amazingly enough. My mom is walking her around the lake right now."

"Must be nice having her around," Brook says. I shrug and nod.

"I've been thinking, I want to talk about coming back to work soon." They both look surprised.

Rowan speaks up first, "Of course, if you're ready, I'm more than glad to have you back but don't feel any pressure from me at all, do whatever you need to."

"I, of course need to get back into shape and that'll take a while, but yeah, I want to start coming back."

Freddy

When I return to the house, I'm surprised that Elenor is with the baby and Alisa is nowhere to be found. Elenor looks up at me, a grin on her face. I join her on the floor, where she is playing with the baby. Not long after, Alisa walks through the door, clearly spent. I rush to her side and wrap my arm around her waist. I know she's exhausted by the fact that she does absolutely nothing to stop me.

"Come on" I pick her up and carry her to her room.

"How far did you walk?" She looks at me and rolls her eyes.

"Don't look at me with that tone of voice. You look like you just ran a marathon."

"To the performance center and back, and don't say a word. I know your spoiling to lecture me but don't"

It takes everything in me not to say anything, but I manage to keep a lid on it. I leave, letting Alisa change. A little while later, I come back down after I've changed myself. I climb into bed next to her and fall asleep.

Alisa

Freddy has his arms wrapped around me. When did that happen? He must have come back down after I fell asleep. He's been doing that a lot lately, and to my everlasting shame, I've been letting him. It's cruel to lead him on like this, and I know it. He stirs and sighs, pulling me closer.

I speak up, "Freddy, why are you so good to me?"

He sighs again as if exasperated. "Ali, do you really need to ask that?"

What do I tell him? "No, no I don't... But Freddy I can't just... I'm not ready for that" And it's the truth.

"I know" Is he smiling?

"I'm sorry, I..." he interrupts me.

"I know you've been through something big, and I want to trust that at some point, when you're ready, you'll tell me."

Is he a saint? He must be, "I've never felt so lost in all my life. I used to be so sure of myself. I had everything I wanted and needed, then the whole world just collapsed right in front of me."

"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." Of course, he would say the one thing that I don't want any person on the planet to say. It makes me angry that people can act so sure of the world they live in, as if...

"You don't know that for sure. No one does."

"That's true, but as long as I am able to, I'll be here."

"Please." I whisper.

He pulls me in closer if that's at all possible. "Don't worry" He kisses the soft spot between my mind and my eyes, smelling my hair, his breath steady and deep.

Freddy

This is the only place I ever want to be, in her arms. I've always been cautious in love. My parents never gave me a compelling reason to trust it. I have always had to be everyone's stability and strength, and Alisa is no exception. This is the first time she's ever really let me in; I won't waste it.

Michael Outside The Book

They have yet to name the baby. One might think that Alisa can't because it would make all that happened before okay, which we all know wasn't, but it seems unfair to me. They have all just taken to calling her sunshine because she truly is full of light. The season shifts as it tends to through the climate changes of rolling flux. That has been since the beginning of time and all that hopes. The mother is gone, and the lover, in small doses, has won. A slight measure of acceptance and careful love.

Alisa

Phoenix is talking to sunshine, "In the middle of winter, we have this holiday that forces us to go outside and pretend like we love the freezing cold. We buy each other expensive gifts that make up for our obsessive selfishness the rest of the year. Then we eat so much food we can barely function for days afterward."

Freddy pipes up as he's packing luggage into his SUV. "Phoenix, could you try not to poison her with your anti-Christmas negativity? Ali... how long is this trip going to take?"

Phoenix laughs. "What was that about my anti-Christmas negativity?"

I bite my lip, knowing better than to get in the middle of the squabbling siblings.

"Just about a day. My mom will have a ton of food for us, I'm sure. She seemed kind of... I don't know... She said she has some surprising news. I don't know what that means."

Freddy shrugs. "Well, we'll find out soon enough."

I look sideways at Freddy. "Do you know?"

He shakes his head. "No, no clue."

I don't always trust his assurances. "You sure?"

He looks me in the eye. "Yes, I'm sure, I promise" I let it rest, he never breaks his promises.

"Okay" After a ferry ride and nearly 20 hours on the road, we arrive weary and stomach grumbling hungry. I get out of the SUV, walk up to the house, open the door and walk in. Freddy guesses a good guess and, finding it, he flicks the switch by the front door. We all make our way up to the kitchen. Freddy runs up the stairs and puts the bags away at his insistence and my instructions. My mom enters the house just as I have finished preparing a meal.

Freddy

I watch Eleanor eyeing Alisa and know she has something to say. I walk over to Phoenix. "Hey, come on, let's make ourselves scarce."

"What, why?"

"Watch Eleanor, look at how she’s eyeing Alisa."

Phoenix shakes her head and smiles knowingly. While mother and daughter are bantering, we duck out and walk up a path that clearly follows the line of the farm. When we return, Alisa has gone to bed, and Eleanor is sitting in the living room with her granddaughter.

"Oh good, you're back. Freddy, you might want to talk to Alisa. I gave her some news that might be hard for her to take," She says.

Phoenix sits with her, and I run up the stairs. I walk up to Alisa's room and go inside. She is curled up in bed, tears running down her cheeks. I, as ever, crawl into bed next to her, pulling her body into my chest.

"Freddy?" She sighs.

"Ali, what is it?" I listen for her response

"I'm ready to tell you."