The Unravelling of Thomas Malone

Chapter 3

Chapter 3He sat in the steaming hot bath and scrubbed at his hands and arms with a nail brush but he couldn't get rid of her stink.

'I told you she was a s**t. I told you she was a dirty w***e but you wouldn't listen. You just wouldn't listen'. The man's voice pounded his brain. 'All the signs were there, you saw them, the cheap perfume and that filthy kitchen. But you knew better, didn't you? You stupid little shite.'

He began to sob, great, loud, painful gasps. “I thought she was my friend. I just wanted her to be my friend. Please leave me alone,” he begged.

'Friend, hah, you don't have any friends, just me and I don't like you very much, you useless piece of crud, I don't like you at all, but I'm stuck with you and you're stuck with me. Remember that the next time you ignore me. I'm inside your head and you're stuck with me until I choose to leave.'

“Choose to leave? What do you mean choose to leave?” His voice sounded thin and reedy like a frightened child. “I can't manage without you. You know that. Why are you threatening me? Please don't leave me. Please don't leave me again. I'll be good, I'll listen to you, I promise I will.”

Thomas Malone ran more scalding water into the tub and scrubbed and scrubbed at his skin with the nail brush until it bled.

* * *

Thomas liked his job, it empowered him. After his mother died his life was one rejection after another. His Grandparents didn't want to take him in. His Grandfather told the authorities that he could barely cope with his wife, who'd been disabled by a stroke, so a traumatised and disturbed twelve year old would probably finish him off. Thomas didn't even get to meet his family because his Grandfather insisted on no contact. He said it was kinder not to give Thomas any false hopes. Kinder for who?

He hated the children's home because being an introverted, slightly-built child, placed him well down the pecking order and being bullied by the older, more street-wise children became an almost daily ritual. Even the younger children stole his meagre belongings then challenged him to take them back which he, of course, didn't. Thomas was too unhappy and frightened to even try.

The authorities did try to place him in foster care but it wasn't successful. The first foster mother complained and said he upset her own children with behaviour that 'creeped them out', whatever that meant. She also said he had an inappropriate affinity to knives and she was rather frightened of him. So Thomas was removed and returned to the local authority's care. The second home might have worked out because the couple were kind to him, but unfortunately they were not kind to each other and they separated, so once again, Thomas was returned to the home. After that the social workers stopped trying. It was a relief when he could finally leave the place and move into his own bed-sit because, for the first time in a long time, he felt safe.

At the beginning it was a real struggle for him trying to live within the benefit system, but Thomas was smart and he soon learned how to make some extra money on the side. He also attended college where he made sure to always conduct himself in an appropriate way. He was well-mannered and polite and his landlord and lecturers respected him. Thomas's life changed completely when his college principal helped him to get a job as a traffic warden. Mr Barker, 'barking mad', as he was called by the other students, wrote Thomas a wonderful reference which won him the post.

Suddenly Thomas found himself in a position of power. He was in charge and he had a uniform to prove it. It didn't matter if the recipients of the tickets he wrote were nasty or nice, polite or rude because his word was law. He was less lonely at work because people spoke to him and not just the public asking for directions. The police spoke to him and treated him like a colleague, bus drivers and taxi drivers passed the time of day with him cracking jokes and telling stories. The manageress of 'Tasty Bakers' in Victoria Road gave him free coffee when he went in to buy his lunch.

Thomas liked his job very much and most of the time, when he was working, he functioned normally. It was the rest of the time that gave him grief, the times when his mind was not fully occupied. It was then that the voice sneaked in and took over his thoughts. At first, he didn't know who the voice belonged to, but after a while he believed it to be his father. His mother always said his father was dead and they were better off without him. She never told Thomas anything about him she just said he was gone and he was never coming back. Thomas believed her and he was sad because he'd never known what it felt like to have a 'Dad'. He often wondered how and when he'd died.

Before his mother died Thomas's life was much different. He was introduced to many 'uncles' who drifted in and out of their lives. Every time a new one arrived he hoped that this man would become his Dad. They came and went like the changing seasons and mostly he only remembered the cruel ones, but Uncle Mal was different from the rest because he stayed for almost two years. His Mum didn't bring men home when he lived with them, instead she went out to work in the evenings and brought her pay back to Mal. Clare seemed happy with Mal and Thomas really liked him because he bought all the latest computer games. He stayed home and played 'Super Mario' with Thomas while Clare went out at work. He called Thomas, 'wee man' in a chummy sort of way that made him feel like part of a family. In fact Mal was the closest thing he'd ever had to a father.

Then, like all the others before him, Mal suddenly left. Thomas's mother was bereft. She couldn't understand how he could just go without a word. She searched every pub and every bookie's for three weeks before she discovered he was dead. Clare eventually found out that he'd been killed by a bus in Argyle Street when he fell off the pavement while blind drunk. One of Mal's cronies came round to see her and he told her that Mal had been married and his widow had already held the funeral. She also discovered that he'd had other 'second families' and, in the words of his friend, 'Mal got around a bit'. This news threw Clare into a deep depression that went on for months. During this time she developed a very expensive d**g habit. Thomas was upset when the computer console and games were sold as it was his only tangible connection to Mal, but they needed the money so, as usual, he accepted his lot without complaint.

When he thought back on his life it made him angry because it was a rotten life. His mother was a junkie and she was a w***e and he'd deserved better. He knew that now because the voice in his head told him. When he heard the voice it upset him because it told him things he didn't want to hear and it made him do things he didn't want to do. But a boy must obey his father so Thomas always did as he was told.