"The Google Rabbit Hole"
1013 Words
Alex sat cross-legged on their bed, laptop balanced precariously on their knees. The glow of the screen illuminated their face as they stared at the search bar, cursor blinking like a tiny, judgmental eye. It was 11:37 p.m., and the house was quiet except for the occasional creak of the floorboards and the distant hum of the refrigerator. The perfect time for a deep dive into the internet’s bottomless pit of information—and misinformation.
The day’s health class had left Alex with more questions than answers. Sure, Ms. Patel had covered the basics, but what about the weird stuff? The stuff no one talked about in class? The stuff that kept Alex up at night, staring at the ceiling and wondering if they were the only person in the world who felt this way.
Alex typed their first query into the search bar: “Is it normal to like someone’s elbows?”
The results were… mixed. One forum thread suggested that elbow admiration was a sign of deep emotional connection. Another claimed it was a symptom of a rare condition called “Elbow Envy Syndrome.” A third simply said, “Go to therapy.”
Alex sighed and closed the tab. Maybe elbows were a dead end. They tried a different approach: “How do you know if you’re bisexual?”
This search yielded a flood of articles, quizzes, and personal stories. Alex clicked on a quiz titled “Are You Bi? Take This Test to Find Out!” The first question was: “Do you find both men and women attractive?”
Alex hesitated. They’d never really thought about it before. Sure, they had a crush on Sam, who was nonbinary, but did that count? And what about that time they’d gotten flustered when Jenna wore that one tank top? Did that mean something?
They selected “Maybe” and moved on to the next question: “Have you ever had a crush on someone of the same gender?”
Alex thought about Sam again. Their heart did a little flip, which was either a sign of romantic attraction or indigestion. They selected “Yes” and clicked to the next page.
The quiz results popped up: “Congratulations! You might be bisexual! Or pansexual! Or queer! Or just really confused! Either way, you’re valid!”
Alex stared at the screen. “Helpful,” they muttered.
They closed the quiz and opened a new tab. This time, they searched for “How to tell if your crush likes you back.”
The first result was a listicle titled “10 Signs Your Crush Is Into You.” Alex skimmed the list:
They make eye contact.
Sam definitely made eye contact. But also, everyone made eye contact. That was just a thing people did.
They laugh at your jokes.
Sam laughed at Alex’s jokes, but they also laughed at Ryan’s jokes, and Ryan’s jokes were objectively terrible.
They find excuses to touch you.
Alex thought about the time Sam had brushed their hand while passing them a pencil. Was that a sign? Or just an accident?
They remember little details about you.
Sam had remembered Alex’s favorite flavor of ice cream. But that could just mean they had a good memory.
They get nervous around you.
Alex had no way of knowing if Sam got nervous. They were too busy being nervous themselves.
The list went on, but Alex was already overwhelmed. They closed the tab and leaned back against their pillows, staring at the ceiling. Why was this so complicated? Why couldn’t there just be a manual for this stuff?
Their phone buzzed, snapping them out of their thoughts. It was a text from Jenna: “You up?”
Alex typed back: “Yeah. Why?”
Jenna: “Can’t sleep. Wanna talk?”
Alex hesitated. They weren’t sure if they were ready to share their late-night Google spiral with anyone, but they also didn’t want to be alone with their thoughts. They texted back: “Sure. Call me.”
A few seconds later, Jenna’s face appeared on the screen. She was wearing a bathrobe and had a face mask on, which made her look like a very glamorous ghost.
“Hey,” she said. “What’s up?”
“Not much,” Alex lied. “Just… you know. Stuff.”
Jenna raised an eyebrow. “What kind of stuff?”
Alex sighed. “Okay, fine. I’ve been Googling things.”
“What kind of things?”
“You know. Crushes. Sexuality. Elbows.”
Jenna blinked. “Elbows?”
“It’s a long story,” Alex said. “The point is, I’m confused. About everything.”
Jenna nodded. “Welcome to being a teenager. It’s a nightmare.”
“Thanks,” Alex said dryly. “That makes me feel so much better.”
“Look,” Jenna said, “it’s normal to be confused. Everyone is. Even me, and I’m basically a genius.”
Alex snorted. “Modest much?”
“It’s not modesty if it’s true,” Jenna said with a grin. “But seriously, Alex, you don’t have to have everything figured out right now. It’s okay to not know. It’s okay to explore. And it’s definitely okay to like someone’s elbows, whatever that means.”
Alex smiled. “Thanks, Jenna. I needed that.”
“Anytime,” Jenna said. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with a tub of ice cream and a rom-com. You should try it sometime. It’s very therapeutic.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Alex said. They hung up and set their phone aside, feeling a little better. Maybe they didn’t have all the answers, and maybe they never would. But for now, that was okay.
They closed their laptop and turned off the light, letting the darkness envelop them. As they drifted off to sleep, they thought about Sam’s laugh, the way their curls bounced when they talked, and yes, even their elbows. And for the first time in a long time, Alex felt a little less alone.
- Writer
