HER ALPHA’S SHADOW

3- KAIA

The sound of Aldric’s car fading down the driveway should not have felt like someone had reached into my chest and ripped something vital out with it, but it did, and the worst part was that it was so quiet. It was not a dramatic roar or a screech of tires to mark his leaving. It was just a low growl of the engine and then nothing at all, and in that nothing the whole house seemed to deflate instantly. One second it was full of him, his voice too loud at 7am, his boots tracking dirt across Aunt Mira’s clean tile floors. His presence filled up every corner like he was trying to prove he belonged in every single space of this house. The next second it was just me and the three of them standing in the kitchen like we had all forgotten how to breathe properly.

I kept waiting for him to yell from upstairs about forgetting his keys or to come back in because he left his phone somewhere. But the driveway stayed empty and the silence stretched longer than it should have. The air felt thinner without him in it, like the house itself was missing a lung and could not function. I hated how much I noticed it and how much it bothered me. I hated that years of living without my parents did not prepare me for two days without him. My hands felt useless at my sides and I had to shove them in my pockets so no one would see them shaking from the nerves.

Dan threw a box of Cheerios at Dandy’s head and told him to shut the hell up right now. Dandy ducked and laughed like this was all a big joke to him and nothing serious at all. “I am just saying,” Dandy said, holding his hands up like he was innocent, which he never was in his life. “No big bad Alpha around to growl at us. We can finally breathe without permission.” Zen did not say anything because Zen never says anything unless it actually matters. But he looked up from the knife he was dragging across the sharpening stone and his eyes found mine for half a second. In that half a second I saw it. The same worry that was sitting in my own chest. The same understanding that this weekend was going to be hell for all of us.

I ignored all of them and threw myself into cleaning because cleaning was the only thing that kept my hands from shaking too much. I scrubbed Aunt Mira’s counters until they shined like glass, I folded laundry that was not even mine. I reorganized the entire pantry by size and expiration date like a lunatic with nothing better to do. I did all of it to keep from thinking about how empty the house felt without him here. The smell of lemon cleaner burned my nose but it was better than thinking about worst-case scenarios. Every time I stopped moving, my brain filled in the quiet with terrible possibilities. What if the rogues hit while he was gone? What if something happened and I could not do anything to help? I needed noise and motion, I needed anything except this heavy, waiting silence that was crushing me.

Dan was in front of the door before I even made it to the stairs to leave the house. “Absolutely not.” Get out of my way, “Dan,” I said while trying to sound calm. I tried to keep my voice steady but it came out sharp anyway, because I was already mad and tired. “Cannot,” he said, and he actually looked sorry about it which made it worse to hear. “Aldric’s ordered you stay in the house until he gets back.” I stared at him like he was speaking another language. “Aldric’s not here.” “He will know,” Dandy called from the couch without looking up from his phone screen. “He always knows when you do something stupid.” And that was the problem, was not it? Aldric always knew everything before it happened. He had some kind of radar for when I was about to do something reckless.

But I was tired of my whole life revolving around what Aldric would think or say about my choices. I told them I was not asking to go to the city, I just wanted to train at the studio. I said I was not going far, that I just needed to hit the bags and sweat and feel like I had some control over something. But Dan just shook his head and Zen did not say anything but his eyes did, and that was worse than words. The word “no” hung in the air between us and I could feel my jaw clenching in frustration. I was not a kid, I was not breakable, but saying that out loud would just make me sound more breakable, so I did not. I just turned and walked away from all of them.

So I dropped my bag on the stairs and I went to my room, slammed the door and spent the rest of the day trying not to punch a hole in the wall. I paced back and forth until my legs hurt, I did push-ups until my arms gave out completely. I stared at my phone waiting for a text that did not come through at all. The hours crawled by slower than they ever had before. Dinner was quiet and forced as I picked at my food without any appetite. After that I went back upstairs and laid on my bed and counted the cracks in the ceiling for a long time. Every creak in the house made me sit up instantly. Every car outside made my heart jump for no reason. I was not scared, but I was just aware of the loneliness sitting in my bones.

Night was worse as the house got too quiet and still for my liking. Every little sound turned into something dangerous in my head. The hum of the fridge became an engine in the distance. The wind against the windows became tires on wet pavement from my nightmares. At one in the morning I gave up on sleep entirely and I padded down the hall to Aldric’s room because it was the only place that did not feel like it was swallowing me whole.

His T-shirt was there, folded on his chair like he would be back any minute to wear it. It still smelled like him, like his soap and the pine from outside and that thing underneath it all that was just Aldric. The second I pulled it over my head and buried my face in the collar I could feel my shoulders drop in relief. I climbed into my bed with it and wrapped the sleeves around myself and breathed until my heart stopped trying to beat out of my chest. The fabric was soft from a hundred washes and it swallowed me whole in comfort. For the first time all day my breathing evened out and felt normal again. The knot in my stomach loosened a fraction and I could think clearer. I hated that a piece of cotton could do more for me than any therapist ever had, but I was not about to question it tonight.

Sometime later the door opened and Dan came in without knocking like he always does. He did not say anything, he just climbed in next to me on top of the covers. He put one arm around me, heavy and warm and grounding, and he stayed there until I finally fell asleep. There were no nightmares, just the smell of Aldric’s T-shirt and the sound of Dan breathing next to me like he was on watch. Nothing was going to get past him while he was here. His weight on the mattress was familiar and safe to me. It was not Aldric, but it was close enough that my body stopped bracing for impact. I could feel the tension drain out of me bit by bit until I was loose. I do not remember falling asleep, but when I did, I did not dream about glass or fire or screeching metal. I just slept peacefully for once.

The next morning my phone buzzed at seven and Dan answered it from the hallway outside my room. I heard him say “Yes ma’am” in that voice he uses for Aunt Mira when he is in trouble. Then I heard him curse under his breath and I knew something was wrong. When he came into my room he looked like he would rather be anywhere else in the world than here. “That was Aunt Mira,” he said, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “They are not coming back in two days. There is some issue with the northern pack. They are staying three extra days.” Three extra days, the words hit me like a punch to the gut. Three extra days of this house feeling empty. Three extra days of the quiet pressing down on me. Three extra days of pretending I was fine with being locked in while the world kept moving outside. My stomach dropped and my throat went dry instantly. I nodded like it did not matter but it did. It mattered so much it made my chest ache in a way I could not explain. I turned away so he would not see my face fall apart.

And those three days felt like hell and back for me. It was not just the boredom or the walls closing in around me. It was the loneliness that sat in my bones and would not leave no matter what I did. It was waking up and reaching for something that was not there, and realizing the only thing that made the nightmares stop was a thousand miles away from me. It was watching Dan, Dandy, and Zen try to be him and failing miserably, because no one could be Aldric. They were loud and annoying and they tried, god they tried so hard. But the house still felt empty without his voice filling it. Every meal was too quiet and every night was too long to bear. I kept telling myself I was fine, that I was strong, that I did not need anyone to hold my hand. But the truth was I hated it more than I wanted to admit. I hated the way the air felt without him in it. I hated that three days could feel like three years when the person who made you feel safe was not there. And I hated that the more I sat still, the more I felt like I was disappearing into nothing.

By the next morning I was done pretending I was okay with all of this. I was up at five before the sun, moving quiet so I did not wake Dan where he had fallen asleep on my floor. I grabbed my gym clothes and my keys and Aldric’s T-shirt because I was not giving that back yet. I left a note on the counter that just said GONE TO TRAIN, BACK SOON and then I slipped out the back door. The gates were open for morning deliveries so I walked right through them. The air was cold against my skin and I did not look back once. If I looked back I might change my mind, and I was not going to change my mind, not this time. My feet moved fast over the gravel and my heart was hammering but it was with defiance. It was the first time in days I felt like I was making my own choice without asking permission.

When Dan wakes up and finds my bed empty and Aldric’s T-shirt gone too, he is going to lose his damn mind completely. And when they realize the gates were open and I walked right out, it is going to be war in this pack. They will tear the pack apart looking for me in every corner. They will call Aldric and he will drop everything and come running back here. And I will be halfway to the studio by then, gloves on, hitting a bag and pretending I am not terrified that I just made the biggest mistake of my life.