Everything I Need

Part 14

“That’s so f*****g gross,” Shela snorts and then scoffs when her phone starts vibrating across Charlotte’s nightstand. She grabs it and Charlotte hears the tapping of the keys as Shela checks it over her shoulder. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” she comments and Charlotte looks up when her head collapses into the pillow. “Sana and Harper want to get breakfast before class.”

Charlotte yawns, already halfway back to sleep. The fact that she’s tired all the time is less annoying when Shela 's here.

“You should go,” she sleepy sighs.

Shela’s touches drift down her neck, to the place where it meets her shoulders, and then back up behind Charlotte’s ears. “I can stay…”

Charlotte moves closer and throws an arm around Shela’s waist in her half-asleep state. Her touch drifts under Charlotte’s collar and Charlotte hums in appreciation before speaking. “I’ll be fine,” she whispers even though she never wants these sensations to stop. “Go get breakfast.”

Shela’s touch doesn’t let up and she doesn’t move. It’s not until they’re still lying there and Charlotte’s almost completely back to sleep that she speaks.

“I’ll stay,” she whispers. “Just until you fall asleep.”

The next time Charlotte wakes up, Shela 's gone but she can smell her jasmine perfume on her pillow as if she were still here.

//

They spend Friday evening and the weekend building Charlotte’s stamina back up to return to class on Monday. They take long walks around the lake and venture into the nearby town to get take out from the local Italian restaurant. Charlotte does better than Shela thought but she still collapses into bed that night from exhaustion.

She promises to take it easy when they’re laying together in Charlotte’s bed on Monday morning. Neither of them mentions how Charlotte’s been sleeping fine by herself for days and just goes with it, too content with the routine to care what it means.

Shela walks her to class and doesn’t feel like she can leave until Charlotte talks to the TA and tells her about what things they should be looking out for to make sure she doesn’t get sick again. They force her to sit on the front row and Shela gives her a teasing smile before she leaves for her own class. She spends the whole day wondering and worrying if Charlotte’s doing okay.

She’s less exhausted than Shela expects when she gets back to her room that evening, but she’s still ridiculously tired and face plants onto the bed. She agrees to go for dinner in the dining hall and eats like a horse. Shela smiles and excuses them from the small group of acquaintances they eat with, encouraging Charlotte back upstairs where she face plants onto the bed again. Shela has no qualms about helping her to take off her jeans and tossing them over her desk chair to leave Charlotte in her shirt and underwear. She leaves on Charlotte’s socks so her feet don’t get cold and removes her glasses before she breaks them. Charlotte doesn’t argue as she takes out the braids in her hair and removes her watch and jewelry. She’s practically asleep when Shela finally climbs into the bed beside her and Shela doesn’t understand why she’s still doing this, just that she has to do it.

All she knows is that they both need this but neither of them is brave enough to say they shouldn’t or figure out why.

“Sana says that Jessica Cherly’s having a twenty-first birthday party tomorrow,” Shela mutters as she lets her hand press to Charlotte’s back.

Charlotte makes a sound of disapproval. “Jessica Cherly who lives on this floor?” she questions. Shela nods. “How? How will she get away with that with the RAs?”

Shela snorts. “She is the RA.”

“Really?” Charlotte says. “That explains some stuff. Whatever. Netflix with my earphones in tomorrow night.”

Shela pokes her in the side and rolls her eyes. “Or you could like, go to it and be a sociable human being.”

Charlotte rolls over onto her back and stares up at her. Shela tries to remain soft and steadfast in her expression and shrugs when Charlotte looks at her dubiously.

“If I get bored can I come back?” she whispers.

Shela snorts but nods anyway. She’s too surprised Charlotte’s agreeing to bargain. “Of course,” she smiles. “I won’t even ask you to have a drink. We can go and watch people be dumb and dance to shitty music.”

Charlotte smirks. “Sounds awesome.”

Shela shoves her and shakes her head. “Just come with me.”

Something changes in Charlotte’s expression and, for a second, Shela’s heart stops when Charlotte’s eyes slowly drift to look down at her neck and then her lips. They dart back up a second later and her smile is so wide and true, Shela wishes it wasn’t weird to ask her if she could take a picture of it.

“Okay then,” she agrees.

Her smile widens when Shela grins.

//

She doesn’t dress up and she gives Shela very clear instructions that she has to make sure that no one—no one—can come in their room. Shela looks at her like she understands something Charlotte’s never told her and tugs on the bottom of her shirt to force her outside and into the hall.

Music has pounded through the walls for about an hour now. Charlotte has no idea what she’s doing but Shela keeps smiling at her like she knows exactly what she’s thinking. There’s a warm palm on the base of her back as Shela guides her through to the common area at the end of the hall.

It’s already full to the brim with people, most of them people who Charlotte doesn’t really recognize. The counters of the kitchenette are covered in alcohol and there’s a sound system set up in the corner. Charlotte moves to loiter behind Shela and Shela lets her as she guides them over to the drinks. She takes a beer for herself and cracks it open, quirks a questioning eyebrow at Charlotte and then smirks when Charlotte nods.

She shrugs it off. The anxiety Charlotte usually feels around drunk people isn’t there and she’s sure it’s probably because Shela is. She feels safe and knows that Shela will make sure she stays that way.

“Ugh, the boys are here,” Shela comments as she guides them to the edge of the room. Charlotte looks over and sees a group of boys already playing drinking games in the corner. “Sana said they weren’t coming.”

Charlotte recognizes one of the boys as Oliver and she glances at Shela whose expression doesn’t change as she continues surveying the room. She leans in close so Charlotte can hear her speak.

“That’s Jinyoung,” she says, pointing to a tall, silly looking guy with goggles on his head. “And Chan—Sana’s big brother. And Scarlett, her girlfriend. She’s awesome. Oh god,” she comments as she tilts her head to the side. “Jin’s here. That means this party will almost likely end up getting dumb and stupid. Unless someone punches him first.”

Charlotte smirks and hopes for the latter because that would probably be funny. The guy in question looks like a typical frat boy and he keeps moving around to all the girls, desperately hoping one of them will humor his advances.

“Charlotte!” Someone shouts and Charlotte turns to find Harper and San coming towards them. Harper grabs hold of her arm and looks at her with wide eyes. “Oh my god, Charlotte’s here!” she says to Shela. “Sana, Charlotte’s here!”

“I can see her, you dumbass,” Sana murmurs and rolls her eyes at Shela and Charlotte. “Someone’s been pre-gaming this party since her last class finished at three. Please excuse her drunk ass.”

Charlotte doesn’t say anything and Shela just rolls her eyes as Harper launches forward to wrap her arms around Shela’s body. She shares a look with Sana and Charlotte’s surprised when Sana turns and smiles at her.

“Good to see you’re better, Charlotte,” she says softly and sincerely. “And to see you’re here, of course.”

Charlotte smiles and nods before glancing at Shela who’s trying to prop Harper against the wall and check her over.

“She’s your problem now, Mom,” Sana says to Shela as she tries to ply Harper with water to sober her up. “I’m gonna go find Scarlett. Have fun!”

Shela rolls her eyes and Charlotte sips her beer as Shela forces Harper to sit down and shut up.

“Now you can see why I’m driven to drink like a fool,” Shela mumbles as she stands up. She snaps at Harper once more to stay still before turning to Charlotte. “How’re you doing? You okay?”

Charlotte smirks and nods. She thinks that she probably could have coped with parties all along if she had Shela to hang around. It gives her a pang of regret for that first meeting they shared and she shakes it off because she can’t change it now. She can, however, give herself the things she’s always stopped herself from wanting. There’s something about Shela that makes her want to seek them out now.

At least, she thinks it’s Shela’s fault. It could be that being faced with her own mortality has changed her.

“Do you want to dance?” she says and the words shock even her.

Shela’s eyebrows are practically in her hairline when she looks at her. She searches Charlotte’s face for sarcasm, only stopping when Charlotte holds out her hand. She holds it tight, like she’s waiting for Charlotte to change her mind. As he passes, she grabs the collar of the guy she introduced as Jinyoung and forces him to watch over Harper. Charlotte smiles at her and downs the rest of her beer, disposing of the bottle before letting Shela lead her into the thick thrum of sweaty, dancing bodies. They get stopped a few times and Shela wordlessly accepts shots from people who call her “Party Girl”. She smiles at them all politely, talks to them all like they’re her best friends, but always comes back to Charlotte.

It’s not until they’re in the middle of the crowd that Charlotte realizes she has no idea what to do. The music is loud and full of bass and Charlotte isn’t sure about the way that the floor vibrates with the sound and makes her feel unsteady. She glances at Shela and hopes that she understands.

She does and takes Charlotte’s hand again, lifting it into the air to twirl her around. An arm wraps expertly around her waist as Shela pulls her back into her body. The song slows to a slower, easier beat and Charlotte can do nothing but enjoy the way that Shela locks her hips against Charlotte’s backside and keeps her close. She urges their bodies to move slowly together in an easy beat and Charlotte likes the way that Shela smiles proudly into her neck when she follows. It makes it easier for her to forget that Shela’s body is pressed entirely against her. It makes it easier for her to follow Shela’s movements as they get more complex like the others around them.

Charlotte thinks she could stay in this crowd forever. She doesn’t understand how she can feel so close to Shela when they’re surrounded by dozens of other people. She doesn’t understand it but she doesn’t question it either.

Shela smiles when the song transitions into the next and changes their movements.