Everything I Need

Part 3

She goes to class and listens as her professors tell her about what they’re going to be doing this semester. She tries to hold back on her questioning because she knows that it annoys some people. She knows what people say about her. She knows the nicknames they’ve given her. She writes notes instead and approaches the professor after class to ask her all the things she wants to know.

She goes to the dining hall and gets herself a sandwich to take back to her dorm.

Shela isn’t there but the room has been tidied and moved around. There’s a fridge in the corner and the grocery bags have been put away. The room smells vaguely of smoke and air freshener. Shela’s hung a dry erase board on the wall and on it is a note.

  Charlotte

  Got the fridge from storage. Feel free to use or take whatever. See you after class! - Shela

Charlotte opens the fridge to find it stocked full to the brim except for the empty bottom shelf. Charlotte assumes it’s for her because there’s some cans of soda left in a box shoved on Shela’s bookcase that easily could have fit there.

She doesn’t see Shela after class. She doesn’t see her the whole evening and she goes for dinner and doesn’t see her there either. She hears some girls talking about there being another frat party at one of the neighboring colleges. She assumes that’s where Shela is and goes to bed.

She’s woken up at 2 am by something hitting her bedroom door. She’s ready to get up and open it when she hears muffled giggling. She rolls her eyes and waits for Harper and Sana to start making a ruckus but instead she hears the low rumble of a male voice. It’s punctuated by the unmistakable sounds of kissing and Charlotte lets her stomach pull uncomfortably as she rolls onto her side and buries her face in her pillow.

“Oliver, I’m drunk,” Shela slurs and Charlotte squeezes her eyes closed to try and ignore it. “Oliver… Oliver … I’m drunk and you shouldn’t be here and I really, really shouldn’t have let…” Two giggles. “Well, you know…”

Charlotte hears a thud against the door again and she winces a little when Shela lets out a soft, airy moan.

“f**k, I’m so drunk…” Shela sighs and then, almost as if she’s just realized the truth in her words, a hand rattles the door handle. “No, get out of here,” Shela instructs. “My roommate will be asleep. So nope.”

Charlotte becomes breathless with relief. The guy laughs and there’s another of Shela’s thick giggles before the door opens and a body slips inside. Shela stops somewhere behind her and Charlotte tries to keep her breathing steady as Shela loiters by her bed.

“Charlotte?” she whispers.

Charlotte keeps her eyes closed and doesn’t say anything.

Shela falls into bed twenty minutes later and her breathing evens out quickly.

Charlotte barely sleeps.

//

Shela wakes up most mornings to an empty dorm room and usually comes back to a sleeping roommate. She hasn’t actually spoken to Charlotte in weeks other than passing random messages via the dry erase board when something comes up.

She feels like Charlotte’s avoiding her but she also feels like Charlotte is being the same person she knew last year. She’s driven and obsessed with schoolwork. She doesn’t care about much else and it makes Shela feel strange that she’s living with a person like that. She doesn’t know what to think about her.

School is just as stressful and annoying as last year and Shela hates that she’s falling back into old habits. She hates that she follows Sana and Harper to parties at Scarlett’s frat house and always ends up sleeping with Oliver. She promised herself she wouldn’t do that anymore but somehow she keeps getting stupidly drunk and doing it anyway. She hates that she keeps doing it sober too, especially when he looks at her like she’s more than what she is. She doesn’t want to be his girlfriend. Not after last year.

Letting him into her dorm room is probably a big mistake but that’s what she does one Thursday morning in late September. Charlotte’s class doesn’t finish until three and she probably won’t come back anyway. Shela doesn’t have class until one but when Oliver calls her at ten and asks her to let him in, she does it without thinking.

“You have to go,” she tells him at 12:15. “I have class and my roommate will be back soon.”

He’s still n***d in her bed and she shoves him out onto the cold floor ten minutes later when he doesn’t get up. He’s pulling on his clothes and Shela's still laid n***d on her front with a blanket thrown over her bottom half when the door opens.

Charlotte freezes when she sees Oliver. Shela just feels her entire body burn with embarrassment and panic. Her face falls and she buries it in her pillow as Oliver finishes pulling on his sweater and finds his shoes. He squeezes her shoulder and utters a whispered goodbye before the door clicks open and closed. When Shela looks up, Charlotte’s still by the door.

It makes Shela feel guiltier than she possibly should. “Sorry,” she whispers, picking at a loose thread of her pillow. “I didn’t think—”

Charlotte jolts at the words and shakes her head, rushing to busy herself around the room.

“It’s fine,” she cuts through Shela’s words. She throws her bag onto her bed and takes off her jacket. She throws books onto her bed and uselessly picks up others from the shelf but never actually does anything with them. “It’s my fault. My class was cancelled and I thought that you’d be at yours by now. You usually go for lunch first, so…”

She trails off and shakes her head and the whole thing makes Shela feel weird.

She frowns when Charlotte suddenly picks up her bag and jacket and heads towards the door. “I’ll go,” she mumbles. “I’ve gotta go…”

She leaves without another word and Shela feels like her insides are squeezing and burning at the same time. She watches with red cheeks and a softened expression at the spot Charlotte had occupied. She feels bad and she doesn’t understand why. She doesn’t understand the thick, churning sensation in her stomach. It’s guilt, she knows, but she can’t handle its strength and furiousness.

When she goes to the frat house later that evening, she pushes Oliver away when he sidles up to her and tries to kiss her neck. He looks at her in confusion but she just shakes her head and tells him it’s not happening. He looks pissed and she’s pretty sure she sees him wander off to find another girl to pin against a wall. Instead of caring, Shela drinks a ridiculous amount and then goes home by herself without telling anyone.

Charlotte is asleep when she gets back and Shela’s drunk and confused by that. Charlotte’s wearing a soft white t-shirt with a stain on the shoulder as she lies cuddled on her front. Her fist is tucked under her chin and Shela catches sight of the tattoo on her arm. It surprises her every time she sees it and the urge to trace her fingers over the pattern makes her feel dizzier than the alcohol.

She’s still staring at Charlotte an hour later when Charlotte stirs and turns over. Brown eyes flutter open and then widen when they find Shela sitting on the end of her bed staring into space.

“I’m really drunk,” Shela whispers.

Charlotte leans up on her elbows and frowns gently. She still doesn’t say anything.

Shela swallows thickly. She thinks she might puke soon.

“I’m sorry about Oliver,” she says because that’s all she’s wanted to say all day. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

Charlotte shakes her head. “It’s fine.”

Shela closes her eyes to stop the room from spinning. “It’s not, though,” she mumbles. “It’s not fine. I made you uncomfortable and this is your room, too. It’s not fair—It’s not fair… I don’t…”

When she opens her eyes, Charlotte’s standing in front of her, looking worried. She wears blue plaid pajama pants and a pair of big, turtle shell glasses that make her eyes look bigger and more beautiful than usual. Shela gets stuck for a second and doesn’t know what’s happening when Charlotte stares at her.

“Shela, you’re drunk,” she whispers. “You should go to sleep.”

Shela purses her lip and swallows against her dry throat. “I probably won’t remember this conversation in the morning,” she tells her, ignoring her words. “I drank tequila. Tequila makes me forget.”

Charlotte softens and nods. “That’s okay.”

Her sincerity is ruined when Shela darts up and heads towards the bathroom. Charlotte moves out the way and lets her by, watching her carefully as she opens the door and hovers by the sink.

“I’m gonna puke,” she mumbles and proves that seconds later when she darts over to the toilet bowl. She heaves the liquid contents of her stomach into it and shudders when she feels cold fingers tugging the hair from her face. Charlotte piles all of her hair onto her head before snagging the tie from around Shela’s wrist and fixing it in place. She continues to sweep wispy strands of it from Shela’s cheeks and squeezes her shoulder as Shela groans pathetically.

She disappears for a second and returns with a cold bottle of water. She presses it against the back of Shela’s neck and Shela hums in appreciation before gathering the energy to lean back and take a sip of it.

“Whole thing,” Charlotte mumbles. Shela looks at her and does as she’s told. “Better?”

She nods and drinks more, relishing the cold liquid as it quenches the thirst she hadn’t even realized. “Sorry.”

Charlotte pushes more hair from her face. “It’s okay,” she whispers. “We should get you to bed, though.”

Shela nods and stumbles back into their room. She starts undressing right there and Charlotte just follows her as she strips out of her jeans and collapses onto her bed. She offers her the blankets and Shela takes them happily.

“Wake me up if you feel sick again,” Charlotte says as she sets the bottle of water at her bedside.

Shela nods. “I’m okay,” she breathes and it’s the last thing she does before she falls asleep.

When she wakes up, there’s a fresh bottle of water on her nightstand and some painkillers beside it.

She doesn’t remember what happened but she doesn’t want to think about it.

//

//

She doesn’t know why she decides to go back to their dorm room in the middle of the day for the first time in weeks. She just does it automatically without thinking about it. Her feet move across campus and she lets them instead of forcing them to the library like normal.

She knows that Shela’s going to be there because she doesn’t have classes on Friday afternoons. Charlotte knows that Sana and Harper do. She knows that Shela usually catches up on reading and writing papers instead. Her side of the room is usually a mess of books and stuff when Charlotte gets back from the library and Shela’s already left for the night.

Today, however, Shela is curled up in a ball facing the wall and Charlotte winces a little when she accidentally closes the door too loudly and makes her jump.

“Sorry,” she mumbles when Shela turns over to look at her. She looks surprised and frowns and Charlotte ignores it like it’s nothing. “How are you feeling?”

Shela groans and rolls over to bury her face in her covers. Despite the fact that Shela looks pale and sickly, Charlotte notices that she managed to change her sheets. The dirty ones tumble out over the top of her laundry hamper.

She gets a little disgusted by thinking of the dirty sheets but says nothing about it.