My Lost Spirit-Mate

3. By the stream

It's been five days since the incident with Julie and I really need to be alone to avoid the glare of the other students. I really don't know what the hell happened for me to react this way and I regret it.

We are on Saturday afternoon, and I spend the next four hours by the stream in the forest. This is the only place where I can calm myself and feel in sync with the world.

I have never really been an asocial person but when you live in a packhouse, among other people all the time, with the events, the dinners and even the trainings, it is very hard to find some space to be alone. And I am very lucky that the only person that knows about this place is Alice, but she would never come here if not invited, she values her own space as well.

I started drawing a few hours ago and it helped me to blow off some steam. Art has always been a good way to express myself and even if I don’t keep all my drawings - or I would have way too many by now - I like to sketch simply what I see or think of, just for the fun of it.

As I draw the movements of the water, I’m thinking about what happened back at school.

I really f*cked it.

I’m not a very violent girl, even with the training and werewolf heritage but I snapped when Julie said she would become our Luna. Don’t get me wrong, I hate the girl with all my heart and soul but to go as far as slapping her is too much for me.

I don’t know what happened but I couldn’t let her talk about Xander like that, she would never make him happy, she would never be able to be a good Luna. Apart from the fact that they are not spirit-mates, Julie is too self-centered to be a good Luna and take care of the people, and I really can’t imagine her with Xander. This man is the personification of power and handsomeness, he deserves someone far better than her.

- “Someone like me maybe…” is a little voice saying in my head.

NO WAY.

Xander would never go for a girl like me, so discreet and I am not as pretty as Julie or even Alice.

No, definitely, he needs a strong woman to help him rule the pack.

The sound of the cracking of leafs behind me breaks my chain of thoughts. I turn around to see two emerald eyes staring at me with mischief.

- “ I thought I’ll find you here”

Xander approaches me, half naked as usual, he must have run in the forest in his wolf form for he is wearing only a grey short.

I look at him quizzically and a smile creeps on his face. OH GOD that man is the hottest man on the planet. I try not to stare at his abs for too long but looking in his eyes is not helping either.

When I was a few years younger, I used to have a massive crush on him, and suddenly, I do remember why.

He sits next to me on the grass and takes a look around us.

- “ I have always liked it here. It’s peaceful and quiet. You always seem at ease here, ever since we were kids.”

Hmmmm… How does he know about this place and that I come here often ? And what is he doing here ?

Alone ?

With me ?

- “ I used to watch you draw when we were younger.” he says answering my silent question. “ I had a massive crush on you a few years back, so I’ll sometimes follow you around. Not in a creepy way.” he adds quickly, anticipating my reaction.

I don’t know what to answer him. I feel completely mute. And even then, what can I answer to his confession ? Xander and I used to be close but it stopped when he turned and took his responsibilities as future Alpha of the Evergreen Pack. So why would he tell me something like this now ? I mean, his behaviour is SO different from the distant one he had for the past few months. I really don’t know what to think or say, this is an awkward situation.

- “ I know I have been distant for a few months but I really don’t know how to act around you.” he blushes.

WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL IS HAPPENING ?!

I seem to find back my voice and look at the water of the stream while I say :

- “ You could have not ignoring me for starters.”

I turn my head to look him in the eyes, he seems sad at my words, but I know it needed to be said. I mean, it’s like I barely existed for the guy since he turned and I couldn’t understand these weird revelations.

- “ I just … it’s been difficult to put everything in place when I turned. It was very overwhelming actually. My spirit is a very powerful wolf with a long history and it took us a few months to get to know each other well. He is strong and he fought for control most of time at the beginning but now I understand him better and we co-exist and respect each other. But he is restless when you are near and I couldn’t take it with all the things I had to do and learn for the pack.” he confesses.

I just look at him and again, I don’t know what to say. I am happy that he can talk to me like he used to before, but I feel like he wants to tell me something but can’t openly say it.

I take his hands in mine to reassure him and tell him that I am here for him if he wants to talk about anything. But in doing so, I feel some tingles where our skins touch, it’s a very pleasant feeling I must say.

Suddenly, his eyes turn pitch black and are filled with a feeling I can’t really comprehend. Is this … lust ?

He starts moving towards me, getting his face inches from mine and I feel like he is going to kiss me. OH GOD, I have never been kissed before ! This would be the first time and I am not ready for this. What is he thinking ? We didn’t talk for a few months and now he is finally done ignoring me so he can start kissing me ? And there is this b*tch Julie, his bloody girlfriend. Arrrrgh I hate her ! But I can’t be the side piece, the second choice, the other woman, there is no way.

While all those thoughts cross my mind, I look into his eyes. His gorgeous emerald eyes. I think there’s a chance that I still have that crush for Alexander. And suddenly, I kind of want him to kiss me…

But then, as if he read my mind again, his lips go to my right cheek and he leaves a very soft kiss on it, brushing my other cheek with his fingers. I blush at the contact and he chuckles.

- “ You’re very cute when you do that.” and in saying that, he takes back his old sitting spot.

Did Xander just called me cute and kissed me on the cheek ? We never had this kind of physical contact, he always was nice and funny but never intimate. OMG it’s getting really hot in here.

- “I think I should get going, my mom is waiting for me to help for your party.”

- “Why now ? Why are you telling me all of this now” I ask him abruptly, while he stands up to go.

I want to know why he came here today, what he is expecting from this encounter ? There are so many questions I want to ask him but he simply replies :

- “You’ll see when you turn”

He winks and leave me alone with my thoughts, and a burning sensation in my chest.