THE GIRL BOOK I

Book I, Chapter 24

She found the determination to find jobs. Jobs that pays lots of money. So, she could do what matters the most. She wants to do a burial and funeral service for her dead daughter. She would love her no matter what. But she felt that her daughter a peace of mind. She has to show her she’s doing fine. Even though it hurts to let go. The women could tell that her friend think she’s a child. It frustrates her. That she has to hear what Daniel really think of her. She has to hear through her ex boyfriend, Joseph. She could tell if she got STDs she got it from the girls that Daniel has s*x with. She’s emotionally numb. She can’t genuinely become her real self.

Not anymore. She can’t smile. She can’t laugh for real. She has to fake everything again. The man she fell deeply in love was hurting her. His actions. His body languages says different things. She’s crying from within her own heart. The women starts to sit on the passenger seat. She look through the window. Her eyes laid straight on the streets. The darkness slowly leaked through her mind. It was telling her to kill herself. Maybe everyone would be happy that she was gone. Since, she wasn’t afraid of death. She would rather be with her daughter. The first child that was her only light to everything else. Her depression has become stronger. It was slowly killing her more from within.

She could tell. Sometimes when she’s alone. She would cough up blood. The blood wasn’t a lot though. She could tell she’s dying slowly. She just doesn’t feel the pain. She’s tired of crying for people who’s not worth it all. She listen to sad music on Spotify. It helps keep her mind occupied. She was awfully quiet. The women was in deep thought. The only time she could be “ The Girl “ was if she let her guard down. But, how could she? She hates being vulnerable. No matter what she does. Being herself. Being brutally honest. The women still gets hurt. She gets hurt by people she have met. Or people she became friends before or recently. The women could tell her friend is done working at 6:00pm. But, she felt she overstayed.

If she couldn’t find a job either in the east bay or San Mateo county. Then, she has no choice. She would have to move into her new friend. She would live a new life in Sacramento. Joseph knows about the plan. However; Daniel hasn’t. She has no appetite to eat. She hasn’t eaten anything. She only ate three ice creams sandwich. It was suppose to make her full. She has thought about killing herself. She tries to do that in the past. But it was as if something was protecting her. She starts to frown. The music was suppose to help. However; it just couldn’t make her cry.

The women doesn’t care if her guy friend has female friend. But, it won’t be good if he has s*x with them. When he tries the women herself more than that. The women knew that the man doesn’t know what he wants. He keep looking back into his past.

The women was in deep thought. She look through i********:. Nothing new. She has a secret she hasn’t told anyone. And she would rather keep her mouth shut. She knows it’s wrong. But who gives a f**k right? He did that to me before.

Lunch Break

The man clocked in for lunch. He got out of his store. He approach the women in his truck. He told her she has two hours of lunch. They went to the Spanish place to eat. The food was yummy. The man paid the food. After the food, they left. The women saw him staring at a girl. The girl was a little kid. The women didn’t had to worry. Even though she was smiling at the adult man. It was a friendly gesture. The little girl saw a women by his side. The women saw that the little girl was sad when she saw her. The little girl mind her own business. Even though she was with her friend. The women wasn’t jealous. But she also wish to be skinny too. She has insecurities of the way she look. Since, the man have s*x with women who are pretty.

The man have s*x with women who are skinny. The man have s*x with women with big boobs. For the women, she doesn’t have any of that. So, she wonder why Daniel stays with her. Even when he abandon her when she was pregnant with their child. The women regrets. She didn’t want to tell him about it. Since, she knew this is how he would react. That his actions says it all. The women already know that she didn’t want him to pay child support. He didn’t have to. But he abandon her since the day she found out she was pregnant. She stayed quiet. She would tell him she wasn’t pregnant. Even though she knew she was. She didn’t want anything change between each other. But it did. She frowns.

She heard what Daniel says. What he really thinks. And no baby shouldn’t hear it inside the women. But her child did. Which gave the baby no chance to live. She gave up hope already. The women remember it. Every details. Everything that Daniel says to her. She kept it very serious. The women starts to frown. She wasn’t herself anymore. She tries to be like how she was before meeting him. But it’s hard to do so. The women sigh as she look straight ahead. The man didn’t say a word. Since his phone has no batteries. The women thinks about what to do with her life. She didn’t want to waste time then she already has.

Another Normal Day

Today is Saturday. September 23, 2023. The women woke up at around five o’clock in the morning. She found herself sleeping on a brown couch. She noticed Daniel wasn’t in the living room. It appears he left her there to sleep. It was a great gesture. But she didn’t want to sleep there. She was waiting for him to go to sleep in the next room. So, she thought that he would wake her up before then.