THE GIRL BOOK I

Book I, Chapter 22

I promise myself not to fall in love with anyone. I promise to get good grades. To listen to my abusive mother and brother. That’s why I was quiet and talk like an obedient doll. It was the only way for them to not to know my business. I share the thought that plague my mind. I already knew my mom regret giving birth to me. She says that to me many times. I knew she was like that to break my spirit. To not leave her. I shake my head displeased. I wish I could forget. But it’s part of me. The horrible past I had to experience and endure. I just wish I don’t remember. So I don’t have to feel pain over and over again. It’s a repeated cycle after all for her to endure her whole life.

I know didn’t want to have kids. Since I wasn’t financially ready. That’s why I have had s*x. s*x was to relive my stress. But when I heard what my mom says. It sound like she wants me to get pregnant. So my mom can be a grandmother.

That’s why I got a job for the first time when I was twenty six. I had a feeling that I might get pregnant along the way. If I end up sleeping with man. I couldn’t find anyone that I have felt spark with. My heart was sleeping. I know how to date people. But I don’t really know what love really was. I only know that having s*x is the only way to express how I felt. I thought the man of my dreams was Joseph Steward.

I saw him for the first time before. I think my mind was telling me to forget him. Because his first impression I didn’t like. The more I try to remember it would give me a headache. I didn’t listen to my mind. My mind was warning me. And I was a fool not to listen to it. I think something happen to me as a child that took my memory from me. It was like starting fresh again. I did met Joseph when I was in my twenties. But I don’t remember. I do feel like I did. It was like a sense of deja vu.What’s even strange is the fact that I could dream about someone before meeting them. I already knew what Joseph’s friends would be like. I knew what Daniel’s friends would be like.

I knew how my relationship with Joseph wouldn’t last. I knew that Daniel would join my relationship with Joseph. I already knew Joseph and Daniel’s friend Sterling William would do something about it. I knew that Sterling would introduce his crazy high school girlfriend to meet Daniel. I knew that Daniel himself was going to meet Annie aka Anastasia. But Annie was known as Little Michele on f*******:. I wasn’t a fool. They think I wouldn’t know but I do. They mess the wrong people. The man who cheated on me in the past and now will regret every hurting me. I knew Joseph’s childhood friend Trevor was bad news. Since I knew he’s cheating on his girlfriend Naomi countless of time. I lost count. Why date someone if you’re going to cheat on him behind their back?

I know I’m always faithful. I don’t cheat. But I could tell they are cheating on me. Because I can feel it mentally, emotionally and physically. I am a very special person. I could hear the whispers of the wind. And they told me about it. It wasn’t common knowledge.

Joseph may be my main boyfriend in the past. But he didn’t have the control of what I want to do in life. It’s like having him walk over me. When I have limits and boundaries. I didn’t really mind if he kiss other girls. Because my heart wasn’t in the right place. My heart was confused.

My heart was pulled by two people. My main boyfriend Joseph. He was an October Libra. I didn’t feel any sparks from him. He treated me like a s*x friend rather than a girlfriend. But for the feelings she felt. It was stronger when I was closer to Daniel. As for Daniel himself, he thought he was treated as a side piece. However; I never treat him like that. Even without discussing it to me, he slept with Annie. And he loves it.

After finding out by Joseph by words, my heart felt uncomfortable. Right there, I knew I had strong feelings for Daniel more than Joseph. I emotionally thought I was cheating on my boyfriend. So I try my best to ignore my feelings for him. Daniel was laid back. I felt I could tell him everything. But I was a fool. I didn’t think he would tell his friend Trevor about me. I didn’t tell him too. I was also a fool to think he would be honest with me. He lied to me. I become sad. I became someone I wasn’t.

My heart broke so many times by both people in her life. Her main boyfriend and Daniel. She promise not fall in love even more. She closed her heart. She pretends that she’s happy. She did everything that Daniel wanted. But it wasn’t good enough for him. I felt like I got played. That I got tricked. Or worse I got punk.

I didn’t give up on both of them. I didn’t abandon them. But after finding out that I was pregnant on my birthday is when everything change. Daniel show me his true colors. I was nothing but a bother to him. He told me how he felt. He think it won’t hurt me. But it does. I stayed quiet. Daniel’s brother and friend knew I was pregnant. It was because of them that they didn’t want Daniel to be involved with me.

I didn’t force him to be with me. I regret everything. I didn’t want to hear it from him. And even when I was pregnant he goes and slept with Annie every chance he get. He can never say no to Annie. He was the one telling me to express how I felt towards him and I did. And what he was hard to form words. He threw my feelings and concerns under the bus. Like it doesn’t really matter.

I couldn’t trust him anymore. Daniel lied to me for two years. He has f**k Annie for two years. I already knew that. I had a feeling. I knew darkness starts to grow around me. It made me despite them. I hate them. They made an enemy of me. And I will not let them have a happy ending.



// End of The Girl’s POV 3 //