Epitome of a Hero

Endless Possibilities

I didn’t understand anything at all.

I pondered at the thought of being stuck in this world which I am too alienated. The professor kept talking about some equations that I didn’t even get and she kept glancing at me for some reason, making me avoid eye contact which I don’t normally do.

The other students was listening intently to the subject while some other boys were passing secret notes of some sort and then silently laughing as they already have it.

It has been 47 minutes and yet, I still don’t get anything at all—the subject, the place, this life, and my perception of my own self is already disappearing and it’s all because I am living a life which was never mine to begin with.

“Did you understand the lesson for today?” the lady asked the class and I just remained stoic, trying to look at what she have written on the board. The subject is algebra and I cannot even access any of this girl’s memories to cope up with it. But is it important to me?

The day kept going on and on, with me slowly disintegrating on the void. It was like I was never here and the girl wasn’t also present. I was like a shell with nothing inside---practically empty.

The subjects changed as well as the professors, all of the other students participated on the exercises and I just remained in my seat, knowing nothing, lurking like a shadow that didn’t even exist.

Everything went quiet for me until Ms. Reena started to asked me for my cooperation. The subject was history and what would I even answer in this world’s history?

“Ms. Caprius, do you know what countries invaded Egypt during the Suez Crises in 1956?”

I Don’t know…

Panic started to rise on my chest but I tried to break free from it by breathing it all out, I just need to say I don’t know. That’s all.

The other students started looking at me and my mouth began moving so I could clearly state that I know nothing.

“The first one was Israel, followed by United Kingdom and France.”

What?

The other students sounded astonished by me knowing but they didn’t know how shocked I was that I knew too.  

“Good one, Triz. I didn’t know you’re interested in history.” The professor smiled at me and I curled my lips slightly, that was interesting.

On that instant, what I said just repeated on the back of my mind, just like I knew very much of what I said, a feeling that I’ve read about it before.

The classes continued and the words from the lecture started setting in on my mind and for the first time in this body, I felt like everything was happening normally as it should be. It was like I was living my life, participating with the class like what I have always done before.

*****

The day began to end in a flash, and I was enjoying my day, answering recitations (as they call it) and discovering the knowledge that I have in this body.

She knows a lot.

I was packing up the notebooks I had on my desk when Fei approached me with a girl with long black hair. Sheene.

“Hi Triz…” Fei greeted with a low voice, not looking directly at my eyes. Why is she so shy?

“Hello Fei, hi Sheene,” I greeted back. Both of them smiled at me, synchronized as if they were sisters. What could they possibly want from me? Are they her friends?

While I pack my things with them waiting beside me, stealing nervous glances, I felt like I knew them even though I am not really who they think I am.

“Do you want to go home together?”

Sheene asked shyly and I had an urge to smile at them. We are neighbors.

Huh?

Neighbors?

I am continuously using her mind while I am in this body. Isn’t it quite unfair?

“I-if you have other things to do, it’s okay!”

“Oh no no, I would love to. I am very sorry for spacing out. It happens most of the time.”

As we walked outside the classroom, we talked about some small things--- about recently opened cafes, new school projects, recent activities, and school prodigies where I learned about the students who tend to bully others around. So there’s also an injustice in the system.

“Why aren’t they being punished?” I asked, wondering about who the students might be.

“They are protected by the higher ups for some reason, maybe a relative?” Fei answered while she watched her steps beside me.

I huffed. But what do they know about the girl?

“Uhm, am I—how do I ask about me? What was your impression of me?”

Sheene’s eye widened, and Fei was dumbfounded from my question before smiling. What’s the matter?

“Oh. You were Always silent. But I knew you were kind and bright.” I also kind of knew she was bright. Sheene nodded eagerly after Fei’s answer and I was stuck on asking more questions but was stopped when Fei added more.

“But you don’t really talk too much. That’s why we were kind of happy to see you participating more in class today,” she giggled. “We used to talk a lot before too.”

Used to?

I looked at her and her eyes was already sad before I had set upon it.

“What happened Triz? Why did you avoid us this past few weeks?”

I stopped on my tracks and felt an ache igniting on my chest. What is this feeling?

The wind started blowing unusually as I stood in front of the girls making me feel the nostalgia of a time I didn’t even have.

“I-I really don’t know…” I whispered. I never knew why, and it was the truth. I don’t even know what is going on. “But I’m sorry… It won’t happen again.”

I automatically responded, an unusual reaction which I have never felt before. Should I be making connections? What if this is world is no different from mine? This sweet girls can’t be in danger because of me…

“But maybe… You can stay away from me. No… I won’t be repeating those times again. Can you help me with something?”

My heart was stampeding like horses as I managed to slip away from my pride, of my being a lone-wolf as I were once before. Shouldn’t I really be alone?

Fei smiled and Sheene held my hand making me feel the warmth, reminding me of my old friend, Julla.

“What is it?”

“I am losing sight of what I am and I need to be constantly be reminded of it… because I don’t want to slip away…”

I whispered, agitated whether I should be saying it or not. I don’t usually ask for help, maybe it was not always the right thing.

Every ounce of fear faded as the two brought their arms around me. I feel protected.

“You can always rely on us!” Fei giggled and I did the same, with the relief blossoming on my chest.

Maybe this can be a start of a new possibility which I have never encountered before. A new life may heal me from my past torment.

Everything went well after that, we continued walking until we reached outside the campus. The two took the bus with me, and as we walked home we passed by some ice cream store where we bought ourselves a treat.

It was like I was seeing the world in a new light, all because I made friends, two girls who shone the brightest, taking me into the light with them.

Turns out, Sheene and Fei were only blocks away from the house where I live and they asked me if we could go to school together tomorrow, ofcourse I said yes.  

When I returned home, Dad or her dad wasn’t still there so I headed straight to the room.

I opened the lights and put my bag on the chair near the desk where the mirror was standing.

“Hello, Tricia. I managed to talk with your friends today.”

My heart began to beat terribly with my eyes watering for some reason as I talked to the reflection in front of me.

“They really love you, just like a sister, a family. Your ad loves you too.” I backed away from the mirror and sat down the bed, never taking my eyes off of it.

“Why would you ever want to throw away this life? Can you at least give me--- give me a hint…”

I clung on the cloth on my chest when I started bursting out some tears. Why am I even crying?

“I have lived my life, so unfortunately that I could be the one to throw mine away--- but yours, it is better, you are loved, and I kind of envy you.”

“I could take it if you wanted, since the happiness of having some people is priceless, and it made me feel like I was reborn into a life where there is less cruelty than the first I’ve had.”

Tears befell my eyes as I stared on the girl who was crying the same way that I am. The same pain in the eyes were present as I spoke to it, as I reveal the pain I have kept far too long.

“But living it, being happy in a life that isn’t even mine makes me feel like a thief… It makes me feel guilty… since I should have been dead…

Please… tell me… what do I have to do to make this right…?”