Epitome of a Hero

Leap of Fate

I blinked so many times while I stood in front of the mirror in our bathroom. I knew he was that boy. I grabbed my toothbrush and started to brush my teeth as I recall my encounter with the boy on the girl’s drawings.

“That drawing… is nice…” He said as he averted my gaze.  He had these brown eyes matching his brown unruly hair. And on top of his face were his glasses which made his eyes look a bit bigger. He was… cute…

I suddenly spat out the bubbles on my mouth for the strange thoughts I’ve been having. What is this feeling!? I hit my chest for several times, never knowing what I should think or how I should interpret the sudden feelings that has been sprouting ever since I have seen that boy.

He hold out the paper for me to take and I took it but as soon as I saw what it was all about, I just felt like there were horses on my chest making me walk away without even looking back at him.

I landed my fist on the sink but regretted it afterwards when it hurt so bad. “Ouch!”

I blew on my hand several times before I saw some bruises forming on my wrist because of the volleyball game. I rubbed it gently and continued brushing my teeth and went ahead to the living room where Dad was.

I need to get those things off my mind.

The old man was watching TV but there’s a bottle which caught my attention.

“Is that a beer?”

I asked and he just looked at me like I asked the weirdest question so I just sad beside him and grabbed the bottle and drank from it and damn, it run down my throat like fire which I kind of missed.

“Hey, hey young lady,” the old man said before taking away the bottle from my hand. “I didn’t know you were a drinker.”

I just stayed silent and leaned my back on the couch, calming myself and my thoughts down. I don’t want to lose myself in this… Why the hell am I even here…

I didn’t notice that the old man went away to get something but when he came back he was carrying another bottle of beer.

“Just this once, okay?”

I laughed and I took the beer from him.

I am a drinker on my world.

I started drinking the beer like it was water making him look at me like I was doing something wrong.

“Do you have any problem that you wanted to talk about?”

I shrugged as I held the bottle in my hand not even knowing what I should say or how I should answer.

I don’t even know what to say… I feel so… lost…

“Dad?”

“Hm?”

I started feeling different as I called out to my father. I took in a long deep breath and my tears started falling down with the rising heat accumulating in my head.

“What did I do to deserve this…? Why is my life so hard?”

My father went all silent but all I did was spoke the things I had in my mind. A thing I only did for the first time all my life.

“I lived my life trying to be stronger. I didn’t even want any kind of help because it made me weak. I did all those things, all because I wanted to be accepted. I tried my very best to survive but I almost forgot how to live and I almost threw away those people that really loved me… Until they were really gone…”

I just stayed still and let my tears fall down without me wiping it out. It was like I was speaking with all of me—but there’s still the essence of this young girl inside with me, making me more vulnerable--- and soft…

The old man was still muted but his embrace made me cry. When he wrapped his arms around me, I felt like Uncle Lumiere, Julla and Duke were all with me. Did I really threw those connections and repressed my feelings of longing just because I wanted to be strong enough on their eyes?

I hugged my dad and I can here him hushing my whimpers. “It’s okay, Tricia… I am very sorry if I also made you feel like you were alone in your fights… But whatever happens, I am your father and I ain’t leaving your side… Even though things get rough, I will be here to support you on whatever you wanted to do to get on with your life. I am sorry if this is the only life I can provide you as you grow…”

“No, Dad… I’m sorry.”

I didn’t want to be a burden.

****

“Aargh~!”

A sting woke me up from my nap and it made me stood up steadfastly from the hay where I lay still.

Duke was laughing at me while I frowned at him.

“You can sleep somewhere more comfortable than this.”

He laughed and I shook my head to show my disappointment from his actions and sat back above the hay. Duke sat down beside me and I just stayed silent, watching the clouds as it rolled by in the sky and he did the same.

“You know, you can have fun too,” he mumbled and just looked at him.

“Training is fun. Do you want to go on a spar?” I asked.

“That’s not what I meant, Damian. You’re becoming to stiff and it won’t be good for you. The more you grow old, the more you’ll long for connections, for happiness---”

“Mind your own matters, Duke. My burden is not yours to share so go ahead and live your life without minding me,” I answered, cutting his sentences off.

I don’t want to be their burden… A streak of pain holed my heart as I disregarded everything he said by my own opinion, by my own way of survival.

“And I told you, I don’t need anyone else. I’ll be fine on my own,” I added more to my words and my own pain.

Duke just sighed and shook his head. He then put his hand on top of my head and I pushed it off making him laugh. I was always like that.

As he laughed, I did too. It was kind of infectious but I stopped immediately when I felt restless due to my uncontrolled emotions. I snapped out of it immediately, bringing back my normal poker face until he brought some words closer to my heart.

“Do you know how beautiful you are when you smile…?”

****

Continuous beeping on my phone wake me up on my bed and as I glanced on the screen, it was already 5 am. I hopped out of bed and fell on the duvet again when I felt dizzy. My head hurts so bad.

I recalled my drinking last night and also remembered the talk I had with my dad. After my cries, we bid good night and I went straight to bed. This is the part where I’ll remember not to drink again on this small body.

“Can’t even handle one bottle of beer…” I whispered and I felt tears rushing out of my eye as I held my cheek. My mind recalled my memory of Duke and it felt so real.

If ever I was back at that time… Is there anything else I could do to change his fate--- or mine?

I began composing myself after my deep thoughts and head to the bathroom to refresh my body. If only I could fix things that have already happened, the torture wouldn’t be as much as I am receiving right now.