Changed

Two

Jess as she likes to be called by her friends squealed and did a mini bounce while holding on to my hands. "Hannaaah!!!!! Hiiiii!!!" she dragged out the vowels. On the inside I almost cringed at the high pitch. Being a small town girl with minimal human interaction, squealing and loud voices wasn't my thing. I was the girl at the back of any room, quiet and invisible, I didn't like to be fawned over or fawning. I gave Jess a slight smile as my eyes followed her up and down as she jumped. "Hiiiiii," I attempted to mimic her enthusiasm but failed miserably. Jess could sense my unease and squeezed my hands. "Well Hannah, it's so nice to meet you! I think we are going to be great friends!" she continues in a high pitched voice. "Are you here with someone?" she asked with interest and I felt my hands start to sweat. I instinctively rubbed them on my jeans in an attempt to dry them. "Uhh, no no. I'm here by myself." I immediately realized how ridiculous it sounded the moment it came out of my mouth. I could feel my blush creeping up my neck and my ears started to burn. The social anxiety has officially set in. I looked at her with a somewhat weak smile. "Alrighty! Well you're here with me now! I'm waiting on a few girlfriends, and my boyfriend should be here soon! He stepped out on a call." she almost rolled her eyes. I could sense there was a story there. "Sit, sit girlfriend! My feet are killing me! Soooo, whats your story? Are you here for work, study or leisure?" I could see she was here for a fun time, and its the kind of fun time I always see on the television shows I watched at home. The shows and movies that I lived through vicariously. "I'm here to study." I almost mumbled but Jess caught what I said. "What are you studying?" she looked at me with anticipation. " I'm starting my degree in medicine next month." I said as calmly as I could so as to avoid another squeal. "That's amazing girlfriend! Wow! You are officially my smartest friend! To top it off I get a friend to help me with sick notes! That is great!" she almost yelled. I almost snorted but remembered I was in public and swallowed my snort as soon as it was about to leave my body. Just then a tall handsome man approached and slid his arms around Jess' waist and whispered something in her ear and I could see her smile turn into lust. All of a sudden, I felt really out of place. I awkwardly looked around and kept rubbing my hands on my jeans. A while passed and they were getting real hot and heavy when a group of squealing girls walked up to the table. Immediately Jess' attention was drawn away from her hot make out sesh and joined in and started conversation. Like I always do I dissappear into the background and hope no one notices that I was attempting to leave. As I turned Jess yelled my name and I instantly froze and turned around almost robotic style. The girls all went quiet and stared me up and down as Jess spoke. "Hannah!!! Come meet my girls! Girlies!!! You are going to love her!" she pulls me by the arm and I groaned inwardly. I stood there awkwardly and the only word I was able to muster was "Hi.." I gave a small wave with an even smaller smile. This was not my kind of scene. Jess announced very loudly that I was going to be a doctor and that she has a new connection to get booked off sick from work. I don't think she knows that I have a few more years to go till I can even begin to write sick letters. No pressure? Jess squealed " So Hannah, this is Simone, Jenna, Marly, and that over there sucking face already is Maxine." She pointed to each girl and rolled her eyes towards someone behind the plants on the outer deck who was kissing a guy. "Girls, this is my doctor friend Hannah!" The girls barely gave me a smile or even showed any interest. Everyone had a drink in hand and dispersed into different conversations with each other. Jess sat down next to whom I now know was her boyfriend and leaned toward me. "Hannah, this is my boyfriend Beau, short for Beaufort! Baby, this is my doctor friend Hannah." He immediately put his hand out and I shook it. "Hi Beau, nice to meet you." He gave me a polite smile "Same, Jess' doctor friend!" He took a sip of his beer, and looked down at his phone as his screen lit up. Jess rolled her eyes and took her drink as she was getting up from the table. "Come Dr. Hannah, lets go dance!!" I wasn't drunk enough to dance, and I don't even think I can dance for that matter. Jess pulled me to the dance floor and I stood at the edge and just looked at her as she started to dance. She had so much confidence and poise just like those beautiful girls from my shows. She was completely taken by the rhythm and I just stood there like a creep, or atleast that's what I felt like. Jess called me and gestured for me to join her. I shook my head and shook my glass in my hand, trying to say that I have a glass I can't dance! She shook her head and came to me. "Come dance girly! Down your drink and let's dance!!" Goodness she was relentless I looked at my almost half full glass and something in me just snapped. I downed my drink and I could feel goosebumps running up my spine. This is unlike me, this behavior is new. I put my glass down and followed Jess. I could feel the alcohol going down and saw Jess starting to sway to the music. I felt so out of place and it almost felt wrong. My stomach was turning and it felt like I was going to hurl. Jess grabbed my hips and swayed it with hers. After a while she let go and I was somewhat in it, I could feel the alcohol started to rush through my veins and my skin began to tingle. I swayed, turned, followed Jess' lead, and slowly started to loosen up a bit. Beau came by with shots and Jess handed me one, my first thought was 'No!', but I took it from her and downed it with them. I could feel my face contort and the alcohol burn down my throat. "More!!" Jess yells and Beau just nods. We ended up having three more, then some more, then eventually I lost count.

I was dancing! It felt surreal. I could feel my hair around my shoulders, I felt sweat running down my back and my skin was damp. I didn't want to stop, my legs were burning but it felt good. I was dancing like one of the girls, I've never felt like this, the thrill, the confidence, the vibe. Jess and Beau left and I didn't want to leave so I carried on dancing and swaying. I felt two hands snake around my hips pulling me back. I looked down and saw one hand moving up my stomach, Just then I turned and was stunned to see the bartender. He gave me a big smile and pulled me closer. I've never danced by myself let alone with someone, I didn't know what to do. He took my hands and put them on his shoulders and grabbed me by the hips again. I had enough alcohol in my system that I just let it happen. We danced for what felt like hours, the burn in my muscles were completely gone and I was really enjoying it. I could feel after a while that I was starting to sober up a bit and wanted to leave to get another drink. Just then the bartender pulled me in again, but this time it was a bit more forceful than I am comfortable with. "Where do you think you're going love?" he sneered in my ear, and I felt myself stiffen. "I need to pee." was the first thing that came to mind. He raised his eyebrow like he did earlier and smiled. This time it wasn't a polite smile, it was almost menacing. "I'll join you." He pulled me in again and I grabbed his arms to pull away, but he wasn't letting go. Just as I was about to yell at him he pulled me off the dance floor and lead me to a long corridor. Music started to fade into the background and it was dark. His grip on my arm was rough, forceful, I tried to pull away but his hold on me wasn't loosening. Instantly I felt something was not right. He pushed me up against the wall and forcefully pressed his face into my neck where he started sucking. I could feel his teeth scraping against my skin as he forcefully bit into it. I flinched and immediately pulled away. He grabbed my hands and pinned them above my head. In that moment I went numb. I could feel myself disassociating. He hurt me and I didn't fight back. How could I, he was stronger than I am. His breathing became louder and he pulled my jacket off, my arms just fell to my sides he pulled at my top and pulled it down. The moment I felt his hands grabbing at my bust I felt a wave of disgust flow over me. I immediately shot into action and pushed him off me. I ran as fast as I could down the way we came and as I saw lights becoming brighter my head started pounding. as I looked for anyone I recognized, the bartender pulls me back by my arm hard, it almost winded me as he slammed me against the wall. when I looked up Beau stepped in and moved me aside. "That's a bit rough there buddy, don't you think?" Beau asserted. The bartender just lifted his hands in surrender and walked backwards disappearing into the crowd. Beau turned to me with a look of concern in his eyes as Jess joined us. "Hannah, are you okay?" she hugs me and we leave the darkened area back to the table. Beau was clearing the crowd as we lead our way to the table where it was buzzing with a load of new faces and all of them beautiful! The girls from earlier were sitting with men now, I assumed they were coupled because there was a lot of PDA. I sat down and Jess was fawning over me and handed me a glass of water. "Hannah, drink!" I was in a daze. i felt like it was the alcohol, shock, and just being me that had me in a complete numb state. That has never happened to me before and I didn't like the way it made me feel. I felt like I needed to take a shower and wash it away. "Jess, I think I'm gonna take off." I could feel my blank stare. I could feel my body going cold. "You can't leave alone my love, we'll take you." I wanted to be alone. I wanted to cry. I could feel my muscles tense up, there was a sharp pain up my back and my wrists were sore. I could feel the sting in my neck, it was burning like broken skin exposed. I saw Jess' expression change when she looked at my neck. I instinctively put my hand to cover where the stinging sensation felt the worse. Beau lead the way out of the bar and as I stepped outside I could feel my tears building.