Chapter13.
1060 Words
Lily's POV.
What's wrong with me? I think desperately as I pace the small confines of my studio, clutching my phone tightly in my hand. I wanted to come back here. I was the one that asked for it. I practically demanded it from him. And now that I'm here I feel lonely. My studio, which has always been my favorite place on earth, suddenly feels cold and empty. Like something is missing. Like he's missing.
I should be relieved to be free. I should be running in the opposite direction. Instead, it feels like every step I take is leading me straight back to him. He's all I've been thinking about. I can't sleep because I find myself missing him. When I do sleep, I dream about him, and I wake up missing him even more.
I must be going out of my mind. The paint fumes are finally getting to me.
Alessio.
Even his name makes my heart stutter. The way he looked at me. Like he was looking right into my soul. Like he saw me, really saw me. The look in his eyes still burns clearly in my mind. I remember how his voice, low and rough, wrapped around me like a velvet rope that I couldn't pull away from. It wasn't just his face, though God knows that he's beautiful enough to make a saint sin. It was something deeper, something that whispered to the soft, secret parts of me that he wasn't just danger. I could feel it in my soul. He's lonely too. Wounded. Human.
I drag my fingers through my hair in frustration. I sigh heavily as I continue to pace up and down. I stop briefly to look at my phone. My fingers linger on the screen. Then I sigh again and shake my head in the hopes of ridding myself of these intrusive thoughts.
"He's dangerous, Lily!" I remind myself out loud for the thousandth time. "He lives in a world that could chew you up and spit you out without a second thought."
I know that I don't belong there. I know that it's a crazy fantasy. I know that I'm crazy for even thinking about it.
And yet I miss him. I miss him a lot. It makes absolutely no sense. I barely even know him. I shouldn't want to know him. But I do. More than I can explain.
The unfinished canvas in the corner of my studio mocks me. I didn't even realize that I was painting him until I took a step back and saw it. The shadowed jaw. The haunted eyes. The mouth that looked like it could be cruel, but somehow wasn't when he smiled at me. I tried to stop. I tried to paint something else, but my hands had a mind of their own. They wanted him. Like they were obsessed. Like my eyes had told them that they needed to see him again. It was completely out of my control.
Suddenly, my phone buzzes in my hand. I nearly drop it on the floor. My heart leaps stupidly, hopefully before I even look at the screen.
Nothing.
No message.
No call.
I sigh once again and drag my hand through my hair, more wildly this time, feeling even more frustrated with myself.
God, I'm acting like a schoolgirl with her first crush! I had drafted at least six different text messages to Alessio since he left my studio.
"Are you okay?"
"Thank you for letting me go."
"I miss you."
"I want to see you."
"How are you doing?"
"Do you want me to come back? I want to come back."
I just couldn't bring myself to send any of them.
Delete.
Delete.
Delete.
Delete.
Delete.
Delete.
What if he didn't feel the same connection? What if I had just imagined it all? What if this was all just my foolish heart getting carried away? What if Alessio saw me as nothing more than a problem he needed to deal with? What if he thought I was just some silly girl with a crush on him like so many others?
But then I remember the way he looked at me again. I remember the way he pinned me to that tree and held me there. I remember how upset he was when I asked to go back to my studio. I remember the way he stared at me when we were in here alone. None of that was just in my head. It was all real. It all happened. I didn't imagine any of it.
Arg! Why am I even doing this to myself? Why can't I just forget about him and move on with my life? Why am I so bothered by a man that is practically a stranger to me?
And then, as if summoned by my desperate longing, my phone buzzes again. This time his name lights up the screen.
Alessio.
My breath catches in my throat. I stare at his name on the screen like it might vanish if I blink too hard.
Should I answer?
Should I pretend that I haven't seen it?
Should I protect myself while I still can?
But then, before I can stop myself, I answer the phone. Because there is no force inside me strong enough to resist him.
His warm, sultry voice fills my ear.
"Lily."
"Hi."
"How are you?"
"Fine. You?"
"Fine."
We're both silent for a few seconds after that, but I can hear him breathing on the other side. It's a comforting sound. I could listen to it all day long.
"Lily?"
"Yes?"
"Would you meet me for coffee?"
He sounds a little unsure of himself.
I close my eyes, my heart hammering, my mind screaming a thousand warnings that I don't want to hear.
"Okay." I whisper before I can think any better of it.
There's a long silence from Alessio. Almost like he didn't expect me to say yes, and he isn't sure what to say next.
"Okay, great. See you soon, Lily."
"See you soon, Alessio."
He hangs up, but I keep my phone to my ear for a few more seconds.
Maybe I'm walking into something that I can't handle. Maybe I already belong to him and I just don't realize it yet. Either way, I can't stay away. Not from him.
- Writer
