PART OF HER WORLD

CHAPTER 17

Asher watched as Margret got up and gave Sophia a quick hug before leaving him alone with her. She looked so afraid, so helpless lying there, and he knew there was no way in hell, he would ever let anyone hurt her again. He gingerly sat down on the edge of the bed, not wanting to cause her any pain. Asher leaned over and gently kissed her on the lips as his fingers caressed her tear-streaked face.

"Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?" he whispered. A new flow of tears welled up in her eyes as he studied her face.

"I was going to wait until I was three months, just in case. I'm sorry,  god, please don't hate me for this,” she cried.

"Shh, it's OK Sophia. I could never hate you. I love you so much,” he told her, and he placed both her hands into his.

The words were not returned, and he held his breath hoping he hadn't just screwed everything up again.

"Asher, I need to tell you something, but I'm scared,” she whimpered.

"You can tell me anything,” he told her as his heart broke. He imagined her words to come would entail that fact she didn't feel the same way.

"I can see, just shadows and light pinpricks,” she told him. It was not what he was expecting at all.

"That's good, right?" he asked.

"Maybe the doctors don't want me to get my hopes up, but that's not all,” she said, and he waited, hoping that there was nothing wrong with the baby.

"I'm scared to tell you how I feel. I don't want to lose you, I don't want to get hurt again, but you've already stolen my heart and I don't know if I can be everything you need me to be. I love you Asher, and it scares me,” she stated as she squeezed his hands tightly.

Tears rolled from his eyes matching the ones flowing from hers. Never had he been so overjoyed at hearing those three little words.

"I'm scared to Sophia, but together we can do this. We can be a family and I will be the best damn father I can be. All I want is to make you happy,” he told her.

"I want to make you happy too. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you,” she said. He bent down to kiss her again and the door opened to her room.

"Oh my goodness Sophia. I'm here." a redheaded woman said, and she rushed over to the other side of the bed giving Asher a caustic look.

The woman had a lot of the same features as Sophia, but the gentleness Sophia always seemed to show in her eyes was not in this woman's. Hers were stern, judging, and made him feel guilty for some reason and he could instantly tell she didn't like him.

"Maxine?" Sophia exclaimed with a pained look on her face, and Asher knew it was her older sister.

* * *~~~* * *

Lying on the bed, she never felt so utterly lost as she did right now. Asher sat on one side of her and Maxine sat on the other side. Both held her hands as the doctor finished explaining the findings for all the test results, and her CAT scan. Partway through it, her mind went numb as the doctor explained the risk to her baby.

"So if I don't have the surgery what will happen?" she asked the doctor. She was still stunned that her fall down the stairs had actually caused the blood clot to move just enough to relieve the pressure on the optic nerve in her brain. However, now it had grown, and they wanted to try and remove it.

"That isn't an option. Sophia surgery is the only thing we can do at this point. If you don't have the clot removed there is a good chance that it could move again. You will end up having a stroke or a heart attack.  To put it bluntly Sophia, this is a real emergency. We need to do this, or you could very well die," she told her flat out.

That news hit her hard. The surgery in itself posed a grave risk to the baby alone. Now this news didn't abate any of her fears, it only made them worse.

"Is there nothing else we can do? I heard about medication used to treat this sort of thing." Maxine declared.

"At this point, I'm confident that the medication won't be able to reduce the size of the clot, and surgery is our only option,” the doctor stated simply.

"I'll leave you to discuss this with your family. I can't stress enough that we need to do this surgery as soon as possible, Sophia,” The doctor said.

Maxine squeezed her hand and Asher's trembled in her other one as he held it tightly.

"Maxine, can I be alone with Asher for a bit please," she asked. She was extremely tired suddenly and weak, but she hadn’t eaten anything today either and figured that was causing it.

"Sure, I have to call home anyway to let them know what's going on,” she said. Sophia could tell Maxine was a little more than worried by the tone of her voice.

After the door closed she took a deep breath to try to ease some of the pain in her head, it didn't help.

"Asher I don't know what to do. I'm scared.”

"You have to have this done, Sophia,” his voice cracked.

"What if I lose the baby?" she stammered. A child had been something she had wanted for so long, now it seemed as if that dream would be snuffed.

"You need to think positive. You need to stay calm and try to think the best,” he told her. His words were meant to reassure her; however, she could hear the fear in them as he talked. The strong warm hand in hers helped and she was so glad he was there. This is not something she wanted to go through alone.

"I'm trying Asher,” she told him.

"All that matters right now is that you get better,” he said.

Sophia knew he was right and as she squeezed his hand, she tried to smile. The side of her face tingled as she did. The numbness crawled down over her face and neck in a wave and then her arm went numb too. She knew something was wrong.  The buzzing sound which was annoying her, increased and the world spun as she lay there feeling like she was falling off the bed.

"Asher, I don't feel right," she said as the throbbing pain in the side of her head made her nauseous.

"Sophia, what's wrong?" his voice was distorted to her.

"My head…It hurts,” she said. The words didn't seem to come out of her mouth right.

"I'm getting the doctor," Asher told her.

The buzzing sound in her ears was becoming deafening. Asher's hand left hers and his footsteps rushed as he ran from the room and was followed by an urgent yell from him for a doctor. The sounds seemed to reverberate in her head, a fuzzy, almost echoing effect, like her head was underwater. Panic flowed over her as the pain seared through her head. Then everything went black.

* * *~~~* * *

Images of the doctors and nurses rushing into Sophia's room swept over him again. The orders the doctor had given sounded so technical and scary. The ones that he did understand left him hollow inside. Crash cart, flatlining and we're losing her. Those few words rang over and over again in his mind. He had collapsed to his knees when they took her from her bed onto another stretcher and had raced down the hallway with her. They wouldn't let him or Maxine follow. A nurse guided them to the family room where a doctor came in after an hour to talk to them. Her words were not encouraging.

Between them both, they had paced back and for over three hours, he could not handle it anymore and had to leave. Not knowing what else to do, he followed the small blue signs on the wall. They led him in the direction to the only place he now felt he could go. An unfamiliar cold grew over him, this fear of losing someone so all-consuming. The terror of being left here without her, to have to live a life and not have Sophia in it tore at his chest. All Asher could do as he opened the door was relive the words the doctor had said as they took her down the hall. 'We're losing her.'. It echoed over and over in his mind.

Asher walked in the room. Several long dark wooden pews lined the aisle, and he stared at the candles burning in front of the image of the Virgin Mary. The place was eerily silent in here. He took a step and his boots echoed on the polished hardwood floor as he walked down toward the altar. He paused briefly, letting his fingers run over the edge of the smooth varnished wood of the armrest at the end of the front pew. Sitting down, he looked around the small hospital chapel. He was alone in there, and somehow it didn't help.

There was no way of knowing if Sophia would make it. Her doctor said they should be prepared for the worst because the clot had doubled in size overnight, and that's what caused the stroke. The baby's chances were even less. She had said the possibility was high for Sophia to have a miscarriage during the operation. With her being in her first trimester, there would be little they could do.

Never had he been so afraid, so utterly lost and helpless as he was right now. He had no idea why he had even come here. He wasn't a religious man. He hadn't gone to church since he was twelve and didn't even know if he remembered how to pray.

"Uncle Asher?" he heard Hallie say from behind him, her voice as soft as a whisper. He didn't turn around. He didn't want her to see the tears welling up in his eyes.

"Hey, kiddo. What are you doing here?" he asked her as she stepped in front of him.

"I came to bring you an Angel,” she said, and he noticed one of the delicate figurines in her small hand. It was the first one he had bought her, and as she sat beside him she passed it to him.

"I can pray with you," she told him, "my angels will help too.”

"I'd like that,” he croaked.

"We'd like to pray with you too,” he heard Mike say, and Asher turned his head. Behind him and Hallie, stood Mike, Crystal, Maxine, Margret, Todd as well as Dave, and his wife Clarissa.

It was hard for him to hold back his tears as Sophia's and his friends and family gathered around him. Asher looked down at his little niece sitting beside him. Her head bowed and her tiny hands clasped in front of her. Everyone else did the same, for the first time since he was a child, Asher bowed his head in prayer. He was unsure if it would help, but feeling powerless, he didn't know what else to do.

"Dear God," Hallie began to recite. "It's me, Hallie. I know that you need angels in heaven, but my uncle Asher needs his angel here too. Please make sure she stays with us, so she can be my Auntie. Watch over her and keep her safe for the doctors to make her better, we need her here with us. Thank you and Amen."

As his tears streamed down his face Asher clutched the angel figurine to his chest as he too asked God to guide the surgeon's hands. To protect the woman he loved and the angel in her belly. Pleading in his own mind, he offered his life for hers. He told God he could take him from here just not to take Sophia and his child. Anything he promised in his mind, anything that god wanted he would gladly do, just as long as he didn't take Sophia from this world.

Soft footsteps filtered through his prayers and someone quietly cleared their throat. Peering up, he eyed the doctor. She stared at him, her eyes expressionless.

"Could I speak with you and Maxine, privately please?" she asked. His heart crashed in his chest; if it was good news, surely she would have told them there. Those fears grew as she led them down the near-empty hall towards the small family room and ushered them inside.

"Please have a seat,” she gestured to the large overstuffed chairs in the room. Asher felt as if he might faint. He wanted to ask but his fear kept the words from coming out of his mouth.

Sitting down, Maxine grabbed him by the hand. He looked at her, the terror plain in her eyes as the tears rolled down her cheeks in a steady stream.

"Sophia slipped into a coma during the operation.”

“Oh god no.” Maxine wailed.

“She's in critical condition still, but we have her stabilized for now.”. However, her prognosis isn't good. I think you should call anyone you think would like to say goodbye. I wish I had better news,” the doctor began, and Asher went dead inside. He could not breathe, could not think. His chest burned as if it was on fire, the pain so great in his heart. He never heard anything else she said as his world crashed around him.