Indead-ted To You

IV

BENICIA

I found the aisle I was assigned. I grabbed your simple store brand pain meds, bandages, and a first aid kit that came with the works. I started to scan down other aisles . It felt weird stuffing things in my bag, with the intention of taking them. But it wasn’t like running to the store. It was deserted here, ran through, quiet. No pop music blaring in the speakers, no associates. Just us in the dark and quiet. It was kind of spooky

I made it to the toiletry area, grabbing some necessities, women's products. I stumbled on the locked case with cheap, s****l enhancement items. Couldn’t think of s*x at a time like this. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had good s*x. Jace wasn’t a s****l person. That thought brought all the messages I’d seen and even more. Since Don had gotten the generator working I’d gotten to charge and get into our phones. No service. But everything from that day this all went to hell and more from before… way before. I felt the urge to cry and that infuriated me! I’d read through most of all his messages that I could access that didn’t require service or WiFi. He had explicit photos of Gina. Messages with my mom. It has literally made me so mad, so hurt… I’d had to numb out the pain just to drag through each day. Literally just trying to make it to bed every night was the goal. To sleep and disappear from this reality.

I moved on to the next couple of aisles. Running into Don. “Hey, how’s it coming?” He smiled, asking quietly. “Good. Just scanning to see if I find anything else.” I responded. Ever since Tommy insinuated I was rude, I tried to respond as much as possible when someone in our group spoke to me. But I was just so in my funk, I didn’t want to speak to anyone. I wanted to sleep. Don nodded, getting back to his gathering.

I ended up at the front of the store, noticed a few of the registers broken and rummaged through. As I continued, I heard a rustle of something. It made me change my direction to go right toward the bagging side of the registers, closest to the windows and doors. I heard it again. I walked toward it, waiting to hear it again but nothing. Nothing but the sound of my shaky breathing. I decided it would be best to just head back to the guys. And just as I made my 180 degree turn, a decaying looking woman with smudged make up on her face appeared. She was coming at me, snarling, pulling me to her mouth! I based my palms on her collar bone on either side, stiffening my arms and pushing her back! Her hands and fingers gripped around my shoulder, trying to pull me as I pushed away! She pushed me into a counter, its edge digging into my bag, making it dig into me. “Help!” I screamed! As she bit the air toward my face and at my arms! I felt her momentum pressing me up onto the counter. No! My arms were giving out!

“Beni!” I heard one of the men call from a distance, I couldn’t tell who. My feet began to lift from the floor beneath us in our scuffle. In a state of panic I began kicking at her mid section! It was working, she wasn’t as close! I continued, as hard and fast as I could! God, she smelled so bad! I felt fatigue coming in from wanting to puke! In a split second that she cowered back I was able to kick with both feet at the same time causing her to stumble back. I planted my feet on the floor again, spotting a box full, and holding up rakes for sale for $16. I grabbed one, and just swung in her direction! My eyes were then met with hers, only now she had one gouging out on the tip of the rake's prick, while the rest were in her cheek that I could see it though her opened, snarling mouth. Her jaw distorted and dark blood seeped out, however she didn’t pass out or scream out in agony, she didn’t die. She just kept reaching for me! I pushed with all my might until she was up against the window. When I pulled the rake it released from her head, leaving the wounds bloody and skin ripped from it. She slid down, as she lost her balance but was about to get up and keep coming! And in that instant I was tired! I didn’t want to fight anymore… And that's when the rage came back, and before I could even think, I began bashing the rake on top of the infected women’s head repeatedly! Blood spattered, a yucky squishing and squelching sounded from it. The metal of the rake and its pricks made a loud and wet knocking sound as they collided against each other. I was breathing raggedly! I couldn’t stop. I didn’t. It wasn't until I finally noticed she wasn’t moving any more. And who knows how long that had been when I did. I shook, I thought I was physically crumbling. I observed the bloody m******e I’d created of this woman’s head and upper body. I dropped the rake, the release of my grip on it almost was so relieving it hurt. My hands throbbed.

“Beni…” I jumped at the sound of the low voice that said my name! “Hey, it’s me. It’s Tommy.” I watched him closely. I was so f*****g scared right now but I felt like I needed to explain! “Sh-sh-she, I…” I stuttered out. I was violently shaking now. I couldn’t finish my sentence, I could barely even start it. “It’s okay, we saw just as it ended. We know.” Don chimed in, matching Tommy’s tone. Tommy reached me, grabbing the strap of my bag. Pulling me to him like a mime mimes pulling a rope. “Let’s get out of here.” He said, more to Don than me once he had me at his side. I looked at his hand with the strap around it. “My bags are by the door, load up the van, Don, and start it.” Don nodded and ran toward the back of the store. Tommy turned to me and both of his large hands swallowed the sides of my arms. “Look at me,” he sounded so concerned, “have you done that before?” He asked. I shook my head no. Unable to speak when I tried. He nodded, “Okay, hey, you’re alright.” I nodded. He took my bag off of me, and picked up the first aid box kit I found. He shrugged the bag onto one of his arms and began to pull me to the back and out of the store.

Tommy had stopped and grabbed some things while walking out but even with a gun to my head and I had to tell you what he grabbed- I could not. I kept seeing the sick woman coming at me. Her snarls, the clicks of her teeth biting at me. Her strength never waivered. She was consistent and maybe even so determined she was getting stronger the longer we fought. I remember the exhaustion. My body almost gave in when I saw her try to get up after getting stabbed with a rake in the side of the face! That was terrifying. Because now when I thought of leaving, I’d have to consider that a possibility. Who knows how many run-ins. If there’s more than one… they would get me. It was so discouraging and disappointing because even if I left for home… I had to shake the thought. I just stared at the trees as we drove uphill.

It was a little late in the afternoon when we got back. As we got out, Tommy nicely came to my door, opening it and helping me out. I was still shaken up. I’ve never killed anyone. Or anything. Joe opened the door. His face was relaxed until he saw me and the spattered blood on me and the fear stricken look in my eyes. “What happened?” He asked. “A sick one attacked her. She isn’t bit or anything but she… she could’ve died.” Don said to everyone as we entered and I was led to the couch. Leigh was then in front of me wiping my face, Cori taking off my bag and jacket. I held my hands up, slowly, “I’d love to shower and not be touched right now.” I said. Leigh lowered her hand with the rag. And Cori must’ve stepped away. I got up and walked to the bathroom, closing the door. I stripped and started a steaming hot shower… and I laid in the tub part as it rained over me. As the water tried to wash away everything that had just happened.

I got out of the shower just feeling exhausted. I quietly dressed and made my way out to my bag to put my dirty clothes up until I could wash them. It was on the dining room chair. I sat my things down in the farther corner by the window. That’s when I saw everyone outside. They were surrounding something? Curiosity got the better of me, regardless of how I was feeling right now. So I slipped on my shoes and went to join them.

My feet made small crunches on the ground, making Leigh turn. She smiled sweetly, “Hey, you’re just in time.” She held an open arm, letting it wrap around me when I reached her. “I told Don to grab some seeds and supplies so we can grow some things. Even if it’s a short timeframe or we don’t get to use it together, at least I've started my garden!” A small smile escaped me. Her comfort to me and still acting normal was refreshing. New… so needed right now. I just know she was a beautiful mother.

“I got some different things. But it’s a start until we can go out again.” Don’s sentence left a hefty blanket of silence. As everyone knew how this first outing went. What its risks are. “I’m excited to see it.” I said. Probably the clearest I’d spoken since earlier. I noticed Tommy turned when he heard my voice. “We’re losing the sun, let’s get inside.” Cori said to everyone. We all made our way into the house. Leigh’s arm still reassuringly wrapped around me.

We all had rice and canned fish for tonight’s dinner. It was okay, not my favorite meal we’ve come up with since being here. After everyone had relaxed and cleaned up after dinner. They all slowly trickled into their bed spots for tonight. Joe and Cori used the trundle guest beds, so that meant the couch or floor was mine. And Tommy, he just sat at the table, cleaning his gun. I took a crosswords activity book and regular notepad to doodle in from the store we’d restocked from. And I carelessly just doodled.

“It’s a weird feeling. Ain’t it?” Tommy’s voice interrupted my disassociation. “What?” I asked him. Genuinely lost. Has he been talking to me? “What happened today…” he said, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. To help or keep you from having to deal with it.” He kept cleaning his gun. I watched him for a moment then looked at what I was drawing. It was her face. The sick one. Only lazily sketched into what I believed I saw. I turned to a clean page, beginning to doodle again. “I know I wasn’t wrong. But it still felt like it. Because she is- was someone before all of this…” and like I had emo word vomit, I said, “She was so strong… she wasn’t tired or even truly phased by my fighting her.” I scrawled flowers on the page. Feeling like when I’d go to therapy as a kid. Just spewing bullshit from the mouth but then coloring. Only no bright colors to bring it to life. I looked up back at him only for him to be watching me. I felt embarrassed. If I was an animated character I would’ve turned beat red.

“I grabbed some tea, and shooters.” He laughed, “I feel like that’s more my comfort fix after something like that. But it’s there. I know something like that can be pretty crazy to deal with.” His words reminded me of the body that had been at his home.

“Is that what that body was outside in your backyard? By the grave?” I asked. His eyes widened. “Yeah,” he said. I nodded. “You should rest.” Tommy suggested. I scoffed, “I’m not tired.” “Then don’t. I’m just saying, I’m up. I got you, if you were nervous.” He shrugged, putting his gun back together. I continued doodling.

I had moved onto my crosswords. Feeling like my eyes were heavy. Tommy was no longer at the table. It was super dim in here. An odd light illuminating from the windows. Making it seem like it was just before dawn. I sat up looking around. It looked oddly bare. I felt like this was from exhaustion. I caved, I was going to bed. I laid back in the couch, taking a couple of deep breaths to relax. As I inhaled for the third, suddenly, a familiar, rotted stench filled my nose, making physically flinch! Thats when I felt arms envelope me from behind! I couldn’t exhale or scream! And before she could dig her teeth into my flesh, I was being shook firmly by my shoulders awake! Because she disappeared, the smell was gone. And it was Tommy now in my groggy line of vision.

“Ben, come on, it’s just a bad dream.” He said, finding my eyes with his. “That’s it, good girl. Wake up, you’re okay.” I felt like I could breathe, my chest was heaving, taking in all of the oxygen. “Good girl, breathe.” I listened, tears pooling my eye brims and cascading down my cheeks. I felt like I was being hypnotized. But I just stared off, taking my deep breaths. I eventually laid back, the emotional exhaustion just absolutely draining me. Tommy watched me, settling back as my eyes fluttered closed and I let my body rest.