Indead-ted To You

III

BENICIA

The man and woman were waving their arms for us to stop. Tommy had woken Joe and Cori. Tommy wasn’t slowing down either. “Aren’t you going to stop, Tommy?” I asked. His eyes flicked to me, then the road, “No.” and we passed them. Cori chided in, “Tommy, they may need help… Daddy?” She then regarded Joe. Joe groaned, “Go ahead and stop, T.” Tommy rolled his eyes, cursing under his breath. Bringing the van to a stop, some yards ahead of the smoking car and people.

Tommy and Joe got out first. Cori and I looked out of the opened van doors. A man has his hands up, speaking calmly as he seems to be able to. He still sounded urgent. “We blew our engine. We just need a way up to the north valley haven. We have food, water… please.” The flashlight from Joe made it clearer to see. The man's ebony skin was glistening with perspiration. And as he neared, his eyes bugged and were red, like he’d been crying. Tommy had his gun low but ready. The woman with the man came from behind him slowly, “Please… we are good people… we just lost our son.” Her eyes glistened. She looked sweaty too. After we heard that Cori got out, “What happened?” She asked, walking up behind Joe. Joe said something to Cori but she ignored him. “W-we were on foot all night. We were tired… My husband was working on this car we found and I was asleep inside.” The husband let out a hushed ‘Stop.’ That made her face crumble with sadness. My heart felt like it was heavy. The woman sucked in a breath, talking between sobs, “He wandered off and when we found him… he was crying out for us under three of those damned monsters!” The husband turned, walking back to their car. Getting in. “Please excuse, Don. We’re both not okay. And he really blames himself.” The wife said.

“I’m sorry that you lost your child.” Joe said, “I couldn’t imagine… We're trying to find a place to rest up. ‘Know of any going up north?” The woman wiped her tears, “Yeah, we live up in Oregon. But we have a cabin by a small lake, just about 5 miles north of here. You all are welcome to stay overnight.” Joe looked at Tommy, and he to him. “Do you mind if I check your things?” Tommy asked. The woman backed away, “Why?” “I have people I need to keep safe until we can get anywhere. We’re in a s**t state of the world but we are still strangers to one another. Now I can rest assured, I have no intention to harm your husband or you. But I will protect ours.” Wow. It was bold but kind of sweet he is protective of the group. I was standing at the back of the van now. Observing it all. “Let me get my husband. We’ll gather our things for you to check.” She turned walking over to their car, and talked to her husband.

I hurried over to Cori and Joe, “How do we know they’re safe?” Joe scolded Cori quietly. Tommy walked up beside me, watching them. “I mean, they seem genuine.” I added. Joe looked at me, then back to Cori. “Hon, I know you are sympathizing, but this isn’t Lockeford. These ain’t the people you’ve known since kid days.” Cori crossed her arms, “Well why don’t you have your little henchman then just hold them at gun point, while you’re at it. Golly, daddy! I’m not a girl ‘no more I have good feelings about things and people. I’m a damn nurse!” She regarded Tommy, then walked angrily to the van.

“Am I the henchman?” Tommy asked. No one answered. I giggled.

The couple came to us, a couple of bags in hand, “My wife said you wanted to check our things? That’s fine. But I will let you know, I have my gun in my bag. For protection.” The man stood tall at Tommy. Tommy looked unphased, “Like I said, I don't plan on using mine for more than protection.” Then the man nodded, “Agreed. I’m Don. This is my wife Leigh.” The three of us nodded and greeted one another as we walked to the van. Joe and Cori got up front, I climbed back to the third row, taking my seat purposely. Just in case these weren’t safe people, they couldn’t get to their weapon. The couple got into the middle section, and surprisingly Tommy hopped in the back with me after loading the vans trunk. There's no way he would be comfortable back here? Or maybe he had the same idea as me.

We drove for a while until they directed us to make a left at a fork and up a hill. There in the darkness, a small cabin stood. The van lights showed us the old wood logs of the home. We all descended the van, Don going to unlock the house and Leigh waiting on us. Tommy went first, the man, his wife and then us. It was quaint. Big enough for a family of three… Flashlights illuminated the living area. We all stood around but Don and Leigh. They tried some lights, locked their doors and secured the windows. Leigh lit some candles. “Alright, well. We have two bedrooms. Ours and-,” she paused. Swallowing hard, “Our guest room. And the couch. Make yourselves at home.” Don came in after Leigh’s welcome, “The water is working but cold but you guys can freshen up. There's toiletries in the cabinets, help yourselves.”

We all slowly began to get comfortable. Dispersing. Using the restroom. Eating what we brought to make. Cold canned food. It wasn’t satisfying but it was energy I’d need. Even if I felt like I had none.

It was my turn for the bathroom. I walked up to the door with my bag, Leigh stopping me with folded clothes in hand and a towel. “Hey, just in case you needed some. These were all before I had my son… Well,” she sniffled, "I had a nice figure like yours. I figured they’d fit you and you’d have more until we get this all figured out.”

“Thank you… and I’m so sorry for your guy’s loss. Truly.” I said, a soft smile on my face, grabbing the clothes from her. She smiled back, nodding. Leigh then shrugged past me back to the living room and I went into the bathroom.

The cold water rained down my body, giving it a shock before I slowly -tantalizingly- got used to the temperature. It was nice to feel the numbing water. I’d been filled with anxiety, fear and on high alert all day. It was nice to feel nothing. Until my mind betrayed me. Thinking back to the messages. They gleamed as brightly in my head as they did when I read them on his screen. No, they were branded in my mind.

Gina: I cant wait to see you! …

Jace: God, your body baby…

Jace: why couldn't I have met you first…

Gina: we’re not that close…

Gina: even my aunt Jen thinks we would look better together…

My heart fell in my stomach at the thought of those specific messages. There were so many… I’d only skimmed and got as far back as last Halloween… that’s when Gina sent the one regarding my mom aka her aunt Jen. Why would mom say that? I shook my head under the showers, gasping, backing out from the stream's reach. I stared blankly. Why did everyone think so little of me? What did I do?

I got out of the shower, drying off and wrapping my damp hair up. I put on the darker pastel blue set Leigh had given me. It was a small jacket with a matching top, and the matching pants that fit like joggers and some black socks. I slipped my shoes on and loaded my bag with my own and new clothes.

Time went by. My head is spinning with thoughts. I realized I’d been sitting on the couch, silent. While the men talked some and Leigh and Cori talked. Cori rose, “Well, I’m going to lie down.” Leigh concurred, rising also. They each went to a room. Shortly after, Don retired. Then Tommy and Joe talked strategy. That’s when I tuned in. “We haven’t come across one camp, Joe… I say we should go home or settle somewhere.” Tommy said, sitting back in some black sweats and a long sleeve and flannel. Work boots loosened. His, what I’m being to think is his signature clothing item, fitted back cap on backwards. “No, we shouldn’t back track.” Joe crossed his arms, “I agree settling off somewhere. But we need it to be resourceful. Maybe we should talk to these folks. Team up? The more, the better I feel.” Tommy shook his head, sighing. “I don’t know, Joe. They seem nice but-…” Tommy was going to say until Joe intercepted, “Hey now, don’t go letting your emotional fears get you killed. I know you’re capable, kid. But this ain’t the old world right now- or anymore, maybe. We gotta move smart. Nothing in the way.” Tommy nodded, twiddling the long black handle of his flash light in his large hands. “Maybe. But still.” Joe groaned, standing up from the small dining table, “Are you going to bed anytime soon, hon?” Joe asked me, “Oh, no. I’m up right now. You go ahead.” I smiled politely. “These elderly perks are nice,” Joe teased. I let out a little laugh. Joe smiled warmly, his large stature walking back toward the hall.

I was back in my head again. So many thoughts, how could any of them sleep? A few minutes passed when I suddenly heard the farther end of the couch. Tommy had moved there. I suddenly got warm all over- nervous? “I’m sorry, are you tired? I can-“ I’d forgotten I’d let Joe take my place in the room with Cori, “-move to the floor?” Tommy has settled, his long strong legs in his sweats stuck straight out, he leaned back, arms crossed, his hat now resting over his eyes. “Just relaxing until I doze. I don’t feel too tired right now anyhow.” He said. “Get comfortable.” I sat there, unsure what he meant. “Okay.” I settled back into the couch’s back cushion. Looking around the cabins inside. It was minimal but cute. My eyes happened to find Tommy again. In the same position, breathing slowly. “‘You wanna ask me something?” He asked, making me jump. I honestly thought he was asleep. “I just wasn’t sure if you were asleep.” I said, feeling embarrassed.

“Is something on your mind, Beni?” He asked this time. Only a million and more things , I thought. But instead I responded, “No. I’m just up.” Silence for a moment. Then his husky, low voice whispered, “‘Thinking about your boyfriend?” I felt my eyes widen, and my heart skip! “A little.” I said, feeling so small and vulnerable. “He’ll get his. Like I said, you’re young.” Tommy responded, eyes still covered by the bill of his hat. “I’m 26.” I said, “I’m not that young.” Tommy’s lips curled into a smile, “Oh, sugar, yes you are.” “I'm not that much younger than you.” I said, turning toward him, criss cross apple sauce. He finally moved, his hand lifting his hat enough to reveal one eye, “I’m 40, Beni. Test me,” he sighed, sinking back into his prior position, “You still have got a lot more life to live and learn. No use in stressing a boy who interrupts your peace. A real man wouldn’t do that.” I sat with his words. But he didn’t get it. What I did to make these people act the way they are behind my back! And I didn’t know how to fix it. “I guess… 40 isn’t old, by the way.” I said, settling into the couch, feeling a calmness come over me. It made a small laugh escape Tommy. I folded my arms resting them on the arm rest then my head on top. Just the sounds of our own quiet breathing, and the cabin itself, it eventually lulled me to sleep.

I must’ve been so tired, sleeping so hard. I began to recall I wasn’t home, in my bed. This wasn’t all a dream. I startled myself awake with my thoughts, as I realized this really wasn't all a dream. Opening my eyes to a soft glow of morning light from behind the curtains in the cabin. It was early still. I looked around, scanning that everything was in place like last night. It was. And Tommy was asleep almost how I’d remembered seeing him last night, besides his hands… That’s when I realized I was stretched out on the couch, my legs in his lap. One hand rested on my calf and the other on my opposite leg's ankle. I felt so rude and embarrassed! But he looked like he was sleeping just fine. It made me not want to move and possibly wake him. I wouldn’t lie, I was comfortable and the touch, though innocent, was meaningful. Securing in such a scary state of time. So I settled back down, letting myself drift off again.

TOMMY

These curtains sucked. I thought, waking up to the morning light brightening the room. My curtains back home were black out, and I missed them right now. I felt a weight in my lap. I lazily lifted my hand, adjusting my cap. Feeling confusion for a split second to the legs that were in my lap. Beni. She was sleeping peacefully. Laid on her back, head to the cushions back. I watched her for a second. Her cheek bruise was beginning to heal around the edges of it. Her pretty lip scabbed into a perfect tiny slit line. I wanted to get up, but a part of me didn’t want to disturb her rest. God knows we would need it.

I waited a few minutes before I slowly got up and placed her legs on the cushion I’d been on. I froze, as she maneuvered into a different position. Still asleep. I sighed, silently in relief she didn’t wake up.

I walked into the little kitchen. Hearing the back door click. I turned quickly, my hand on my gun’s handle! But relief washed over when it was just Don coming in from the back. “‘Morning. Don’t shoot,” he chuckled. I relaxed off the gun, “Where did you go?” Don lowered a tool bag to the floor, “I got a generator out there. I installed some solar panels on it. If I let them toast for a bit, they should give us power back, hot water.” He shrugged off his boots and washed his hands. “Oh, that’s good for you two.” I said.

“Leigh feels comfortable with you all here after last night and helping us. If you all needed to stay, you could.” Don offered. I was surprised! Joe had mentioned staying longer. “I’ll talk to them. Thank you for extending that.”

Once everyone was up finally, we were trying our best to get some type of idea as to what was happening in the world. There were still no great signals on Joe’s radio. Sometimes the loop about the safe havens camps would be on a channel but barely audible. “They’re just rerunning that.” I stood from the table, frustrated. A cigarette would be great. It’s been years but s**t at this point why not. I was already thinking of the obvious. When we need more food and water. If we run into more infected people… if one of us does become infected. Will anyone else be up to killing them? Or will it be me. I know my past is a bit startling, as I’ve taken lives… from different kinds of monsters. A flash of a memory in my mind causes me to see young me. Bruised, scrawny and sad. Mom, the same. I saved us, and she just abandoned me. Couldn’t deal with that and the worries that came with it. Sometimes I wonder if she would’ve stayed with him if it had been me who died in the squabble….

“Tommy,” Joe’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts. “Yes, sir?” I said, walking back to the table where he and Don sat around the radio. “Don here has extended us an invite to stay.” The women entered from the back of the house as Joe went on, “and I’ve told him we would stay until this gets cleared up.” Cori beamed, as did Leigh. But Beni looked stone faced. Her eyes scan around like they do when she’s thinking but not talking . Uh-oh, spiral time. Cori began chatter amongst them while Beni walked into the kitchen. I followed in behind her, “Hey, are you alright?” She was looking out of the back, kitchen door’s window. “‘You know, something about me is I don’t like to talk to myself- or much.” Beni laughed half heartedly. It was a hurt laugh, “Should I feel lucky?” I sighed, “I mean it’s just polite to respond to someone even if it’s saying you don’t want to talk.” I responded. She stared out the window, then her eyes met mine, “I thought we were going to Washington? My family is-might be there. I may never see them again.” I sighed, “I can only imagine… But look, it’s just not safe out there, right now. This isn’t walking uptown for coffee from your apartment. Real s**t is going on. It’s not safe for us all or even just you or any of us solo.” She shook her head. Not liking my response. I sighed, my patience already gone from trying to be logical and sympathetic. “At some point I’m going to go.” She said, her arms crossed. A stare so serious, it wasn’t worth arguing. Fine, who was she to me? People are going to do what they want. “Hey, if that’s your choice, I just do hope you make it.” I slid my hands in my pockets, heading back to the rest of the group. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

The week went by like molasses and no new broadcast- or any for that matter. We lived in this quiet and quaint bubble with strangers, besides Joe and Cori to me. And honestly, I was f*****g over it. The generator got to working so it wasn’t terrible but I missed my damn bed. I’d slept on mats, floors and more for longer than I had my bed. But damn did it spoil me. Myself or Beni would take the couch, if not Joe when both the girls took the bed. This felt like an awkward cabin hostel trip.

Leigh was able to locate her local map she received when they purchased the cabin. It would show everything in range here. Stores, grocers, police stations, all we needed. We probably had about another week's worth of food between their home and what we’d brought. “I can go. It’s been quiet up here, maybe it’s died down.”

“Maybe the men go?” Cori suggested. Leigh whipped around to face her, “I don’t know. I’d feel better if one man stayed…” she said, now regarding the group. I didn’t think any of the women would go. Until Beni stood, “I’ll go.” I shook my head, “I think the women should stay.” Don nodded, agreeing with me. “How about my dad stays with two of us and one of us goes. Beni did say she would.” I shook my head again at Cori’s suggestion, was my mic on? “Don can at least lead the way, and at least we have a man here.” Leigh agreed with Cori’s idea. “I’ll get my bag.” Beni said, giving me a side eye. What did I do?!

I was putting the gas in the van from our last tank. “This should get us there and back. If you bring a hose I can siphon some more gas.” Don nodded, “I can get one from my shed.” Headed off wherever that was in the back. Beni came as he was leaving. Putting her backpack in the car. I noticed the bat handle from my porch was sticking out of it. “Baseball fan?” I asked, sarcastically. She looked over, unamused, “No. I figured I’d need protection.” I rolled my eyes as she looked away, “Nothing is going to happen to you.” I pulled the gas nozzle part out, closing it back up. She watched me, “How would you know?” She challenged me. “Because no one is going to get hurt on my watch.” I gave her a mocked smile back.

Beni just stared then looked away. Don returned, “I let them know to lock up. Are we ready?” I nodded, loading the gas tank in the back and closing it. Then I got in the passenger seat and we were off.

I have integrity- because I had to admit how wrong I really was. I watched out the window of the van as we approached the little main square about 8 miles from the cabin. It had stores and shops and other places. We parked in the back of a small grocery, so we could use the loading area and stay discreet. We descended the van and walked up to the grocery’s back door. It was locked. “Shit.” Don curses as he looks around for any other way. Beni and I follow behind him. He reaches a garage door, pulling on its handle. Luckily, it slides right up!

I pull my gun out, c*****g it. Beni whips around at the sound, “Why do you have that?!” She looked scared. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe getting ready in case a damned sick one wants to f**k around and find out.” I retorted. She has had something to say about everything to me! Ever since we decided to stay she’s been cold. She almost seemed like a robot. I tried to digress because I was trying to be the bigger and older person between us but she could get under my skin with her little looks of disappointment and her attitude, when I’m just trying to be nice!

She stared blankly at me yet again, making my head throb in annoyance. “It’s to protect us, mmkay sugar?” She shrugged and continued to follow behind Don. It was quiet in the back area. No lights but our flash lights. It looked ransacked. Who knows what it would look like in the store. We finally found a swinging door that led out to the actual grocery store. It was a little more lit in here from the large windows by the front. Don turned to us, “It might be wise if we split up. It seems to be quiet, no others. I’ll get the canned goods, foil and water. Beni, we need any first aid, medicines you can find here. And anything else that you think, it’s important. And Tommy, you’ll find any dry items, tools, kits, possible weapons. But be light, in case we have to get out of here.” We all nodded in agreement and began our mission.