Indead-ted To You

VIII

BENICIA

I moved to a secluded bed in the corner. Placing my bag on it. “You stole my bed,” I heard a familiar low tone. I turned to see Tommy placing his things on a light pink mattress beside mine. I gave a small smile, “Pink looks better on you.” He chuckled. “I’ll keep that in mind… Are you okay if I take up this space near you?” I nodded a yes to him, not sure why I felt my voice would betray me.

As we all got to our spots of choice. It was quiet. Tormentingly quiet. I wish Cori would talk right now, but she was asleep already from what I could see. Joe knocked out instantly. Leigh and Don lied still in a bed with one another in the opposite far corner. And Jimmy, he chose the top bunk of a bunk bed frame. I laid staring at the ceiling. I missed my apartment. My space. I haven’t lived with someone or people in so long. Sometimes I’d wish for nothing more than to be alone. But in our predicament, I was grateful for the people I had encountered so far. Especially Tommy. I grabbed my notebook I’d taken from the grocery a week or so ago, a dimming book-light and a pen. Laid on my side and just drew. I started with flowers, then vines with thorns. I looked around at our sleeping group. My eyes falling on a sleeping Tommy. He lied on his back, breathing softly. One muscled arm he used as head support while the other rested on his stomach. I used him, as he was the closest, to sketch. I felt weird for a moment. Jace hated when I used male representation in my work. Just at the beginning of this year, before all of this, I “chose” to drop out of a huge artistry sketch piece contest that had potential, even in the gallery for our mini reveal, judges stated that they couldn’t wait to see it finished… but he was the one who said it was micro-cheating sketching a man whether it was a live portrait model or a man I drew, because that meant I was thinking of other men. Later someone bought it which was great but… Imagine if I won... All to respect and reassure him.

I tried hard not to think of Jace. Because only horrible, hateful thoughts filled my head. But sometimes I thought I missed him. I did only because I was alone and-before this- had spent most of my time with him only. I wasn’t the golden child nor the friend you died to hang out with. I didn’t mind being alone but sometimes the lingering thought of being the child you couldn’t fathom to watch be sad or be far from too long… being let known of plans from friends, not social media… and being chosen. Even if there is temptation.

When I lifted my hand from the page I had just finished Tommy’s jawline, and shaped his lips. I looked at his mouth. A sudden rush of… desire. A high I had never even had but wanted to chase. Benicia, rebounding? Really? I thought. It was probably too soon anyway, but right smack dab in the middle of our state of the world? My timing was impeccable. I closed my notebook. Lying back on the mattress, refusing to give any energy to these thoughts of desiring Tommy. What was not to desire? He was kind, a little rugged and rough about things, stubborn… considerate. He was a gentleman. And again besides how this all began for us, he has been the best person to lead us. He was so protective and strategic. And he had these moments, where all that hard demeanor just evaporated. And he was this tender and sweet beacon. Maybe that’s why I was gravitating to him so much. I mean, he was still a stranger. But no one has ever been that attentive to me my whole life. Not my parents, not friends, not even Jace. I rolled over to my stomach, burying my face in my arms, thinking until I finally fell asleep.

TOMMY

I woke up to a thudding of glass. Not super heavy but enough to be suspicious of. I opened my eyes groggily to the grey of outside coming through the shop windows. The kid- Jimmy, was standing by the shop door. His arms crossed, while one of those walking corpses hungrily and weakly scratched and growled on the other side of the glass at him. I sat up, stretching. I looked over at Beni in the bed next to mine. She looked so comfortable. She laid on her side, which caused her loose shirt to fall to the side. The curve of her stomach was smooth and looked so smooth and soft to just lay or bury your face in. Man, maybe a celibacy hiatus wasn’t the best idea-especially before an apocalypse.

I averted my eyes before I thought of anymore irrelevant and s****l thoughts about seeing Beni’s nice curves. I’m a grown man. I’ve had women of many and all kinds. I shouldn’t be so roused by her. Especially because she was 26 and that made me feel like some old creep now. I got up and walked over to Jimmy, stopping a few feet behind him. I hadn’t forgotten that he said he would leave. “Whats your plan, man?” I asked. He didn’t turn. Thunder erupted loudly, and rain began to fall outside. “I don’t know. I didn’t think I would make it this far, honestly.” Jimmy shrugged. I used to think that about myself too as a young man.

“‘That why you’re standing here? You don’t know what you’re gonna do next?” I scoffed. Jimmy shook his head, “No, that douchebag woke me up a little ago. He said I had to get going now.” My brow furrowed in confusion. “Don?” I asked. Now why would he do that? I mean, yeah, that’s what we said we’d do. But he was useful to the group. He was just a kid. I looked back to see who still was in their beds. Cori, Leigh and Don were missing. Jimmy shrugged, “I think yeah, not the old guy over there.” I nodded, “Huh… Alright.” I turned and headed to the only other place they could all be in here. Break room.

I pushed the door open slowly, revealing Don and Leigh at the table and Cori at the counter. Cori smiled, “Hey Tom.” I nodded, “Hey Don, can I speak with you?”

“What? Did the boy cry to you about staying?” He said, taking a drink from his water bottle. “No cryin’. However, he’s a kid.” I said. “He’s a stranger who broke into my cabin with others.” Don said with a serious face.

“I warned you.” I reminded him. He gripped his bottle. “And again, he’s a kid. But he’s been useful. We wouldn’t have known how to kill these damned things. ‘Wouldn’t have known that his group had more than they claimed. I don’t trust him yet, but I can respect how he’s moving to not only help himself but help us… he can stay if he pleases and if you don’t like that, Don, you can do whatever the hell you want to do.” I said sternly. Don’s jaw flexed. Leigh and Cori watched, both wide eyed. When no one said anything, I went for the door, turning before I left, “‘Crazy to think about the outcome if we hadn’t taken a chance on each other… and now some kid, who helped us. And next time you want to make a decision like you’re some head honcho, don’t. We’re a group, we act as such.” Leaving them with my words. Joe was coming down the hall as I exited, “Everything okay, T?” He asked. I nodded, walking past him.

Jimmy was still at the door. I walked up to him, “Hey, if you did want to stay, you could. You can partner up with me when it comes to whatever we gotta do to make sure we survive.” Jimmy looked at me, eyes beaming, “Are you sure?” I nodded. “Man, okay. Thank you… I really didn’t know where to start.” He chuckled at that. “That’s the worst feeling. Especially for a young man in this world we’re in.” I patted Jimmy on the back. Leaving him by the door.

The morning went on, while we looted the neighboring stores. Joe and I were on our 4th one now. We’d found some canned foods, jerky, and a couple gallons of water. Other than that, everything was ran through or spoiled here now. Moving on to the next store building, we realized it was a gym. “Maybe there are some things in here?” I offered Joe. Joe shrugged. He had seemed a little off and quiet today.

“You okay, old man?” I asked him. “Yeah, just tired… I talked to Cori.” Joe mentioned.

“And how is she doing?” I asked blandly.

“She said you and Don don’t play nice.” Joe seemed to have something he wanted to say. “Did she now?” I chuckled. “Tommy, this ain’t a joke. Now I get the kid is young but you didn’t very much make it a group vote for him to stay. I was against it too.” Joe said sternly, causing us to pause in the middle of the gym. “It’s just that, Joe. He’s a kid in the middle of all this s**t. Alone. Hell, when you took a chance on me when I was a kid, I’ll bet some people said things just like you are now.” That made my chest tighten a bit. There might’ve been my own blood telling him that. Other adults that watched me grow up there too. I’m sure they warned Joe about me too. And what if he had listened?

Joe sighed, “It’s not the same. Plus that’s another mouth to feed, we don’t know how he is around the women… I’m just saying next time, don’t go acting like you’re leading things here either.” Joe huffed. Was he serious right now?

“Well how about I worry about the extra food we need to feed the kids. He doesn’t look like he’d be 115lbs soaking wet. But I got it, Joe.”

Joe looked at me, stern but something in his eyes let me know he wasn’t trying to be any way. He still pissed me off.

We tried the last two stores, grabbing just bags worth of clothes that the stores held. For men and women. When we gotten back to the furniture store, it was different on the sales floor. “Well, damn.” I looked around. The girls were making Jimmy move a bed with them around. While Don pulled out these dusty, decorative room dividers. “What are yall doing?” Joe asked, setting down his bags.

Cori came over, leaving Jimmy and Beni with the rest of the task, “I figured we set it up where we all get our own space and such. Of course until we move on.” Joe nodded, his face unsurprised by it being Cori’s doing. “And my top bunk is look out!” Jimmy said, also letting go of the mattress, leaving Beni solo. I chuckled moving past him and helping her push it the rest of the way. She huffed, “Thanks! I don’t know where my team went.” Beni said sarcastically. “Of course.” I cleared my throat unable to tear my eyes from her. I happened to notice Beni had changed. She wore black leggings and a brown fitted top. It reminded me of seeing her this morning. Her smooth skin and just a mild glimpse of the glorious terrain that would be her body if I were looking up to or down it. Come on, now, Tommy. I scolded myself and my thoughts. I felt my eyes flick to her lips, then back to her eyes. She watched me, almost searching. But in a weird panic I turned to everyone else. Women never made me nervous, it was always the other way around. But I felt like an i***t with nothing to say to her face.

Don came and settled on a couch near us all, “None of these places has a generator. So we’re still powerless.” He chimed in. “Well, at least we’re covered for shelter for now. We’ll rest up and get routes set.” I responded.

“I can start a fire?” Jimmy said, adding, “Outside.” To his offer.

“I can heat the chicken soups on that. So we have dinner.” Cori chimed in. “Great, start it before it gets dark out, we don’t need to attract any dead ones.” Jimmy and Cori nodded, heading toward the back.

“Hey,” Joe called after them, both turning back to us, “Watch her, Jim.” Joe said. Jimmy nodded, “Yes, sir.” And they continued to the back.

“We bought some clothes from down the way. Men and women’s. If you guys need to freshen up. Some packs of baby wipes.” I put everything on a plastic wrapped recliner. The rest began to go through the contents. Leigh pausing as she held the baby wipes. “We used these for him.” She whispered, looking up to me. A weak smile and glossy eyes. She forced a laugh, tucking them in her arm and grabbing some clothes. I sighed, feeling like an ass.

Once the girls, Don and Joe went through the clothes, I began to take my turn. I kept it simple, jeans and some t-shirt’s and flannel button ups. Socks.

I let the men know I was going to wash up in the restroom and when I entered, I took a deep breath, taking in the time alone. After I used the wipes to clean my body off, i shrugged on the briefs and socks and then my new jeans. They fit well but were a little big in the waist. I sat my flashlight down facing up, illuminating a dim, white light so I could see and slide my belt into my pants loops.

Just as I get the belt through the last loop, the swinging door to the men’s opened! I looked up, my head whipped to the door, my hair falling in front of my eyes a little. “Oh s**t!”