Inside Out

3

Richard had always been good at many things. Nowadays, acting seems to be topping that list. Pretending he was doing well, even lying to himself most often about how he felt. It's not like telling the truth or opening up would do any world of good.

For as long as he could remember, he had done a good enough job but until some minutes ago, that girl he just met changed things. They had shared barely 5 sentences and he couldn’t help wondering where she had been all his life. He had a good mind to go downstairs and look for her but it was still too early. There was a knock on his door. Also, very much early for that.

Most times, he just let the knock go to voicemail. In his books, that meant him letting the person wear their hands out. How he wished he could actually do that for real this time, the person didn’t look like he was going to tire anytime soon.

His room was structured such that the minibar and fridge in the lounge area allowed whoever was on the bed little or no disturbance from the outside world. It was the perfect room for him.

He didn’t want to lie down so early in the morning so he had a rushed cleanup and let the voice of Edward Elgar that played in the background fill him from inside out. He was left with no choice but to answer.

He loved his mother but opening the door to find her standing there wasn’t how he planned his morning.

‘’Hello Mother’’

‘’Glad you chose to see me this morning, Richy’’, she replied, not missing his unwelcoming look.

He smiled. It was going to be a good day, he had done that for the second time that day. The woman in front of him wanted something and the sooner he attended to her, the better.

‘’So…?’’

She wasn’t surprised he wanted her out but there was no denying the hurt she felt inside. She missed the son she had mothered. The one who loved and was loved, not this alien staring back at her.

Feeling the heat building up in her face, it was no surprise she felt the strong urge to swallow her own heart. It was too late, she fought it back but the tears just poured.

He had noticed and now he was looking at her, not knowing whether to pull her to him or let her stand there. Good thing, he has speaking now. She, on the other hand, had lost control of her vocal cords.

‘’Mum, are you okay?’’ He knew she wasn’t but the question was a good starter. Every other person turned a blind eye to his antics but not this woman. He pulled her close, she smelled of citronella and somehow that was what he needed. ‘’I am fine, mum’’ he reassured.

"I miss you, Richard" She was looking at him now with such sorrowful eyes, if he didn't look away, the dam in his heart might give way.

What does one say to this? He had been in the same house as her for as long as he could remember. Though he knew he was there and not there, at the same time. Nobody saw him but they heard him. They heard his silence. It was deafening.

He held her and the memories came rushing in. She knew she had to take advantage, it was the time to ask what he had refused her for so many years. ‘’It’s our annual Thanksgiving, do come.’’ She mustered all the love she knew she had for him and said the words ‘’You’ve been missed.’’

He loosened his hold on her ‘’Mum, I cannot come and you know why.’’

‘’You’re better now. The doctors have such faith in your treatments. In fact, Dr Wurra thinks…’’

He stopped her with a look so cold, she might as well have worn a jacket. ‘’You have been speaking with my doctor, without my knowledge?’’ His voice had such an icy edge to it that the woman in front of him crumbled. She was guilty, very guilty.

Dr Silvia Wurra was his doctor, the one person he had opened much of himself to in recent times. So much for the doctor-patient confidentiality. He had turned his back on his mother, being caught off guard was harder than imagined. Just how much did the doctor tell his mother, he wondered.

‘’Sweetie, she is also mine and your father’s doctor too’’’ she pleaded, as she stroked his back ever so gently.

He sneered and replied ‘’Yes, and also a very close friend of yours.’’ Something he forgot to consider before opening up to that woman. ‘’What did she tell you?’’

‘’Nothing serious. Just how you have been doing so well lately.’’

To that, there was a sigh of relief. It was good to know that his most recent episodes were very much off-topic, seeing as he had, as always, texted the doctor as soon as he got to his room.

‘’When is this anyway?’’ He loved the woman but he needed time to think, and for good reason too.

‘’In a month, baby’’ She was so hopeful, that gladdened him. She was just about to receive the closest to an answer he had given, in so long. He was not going to attend anyway, no way was he going to say that, she would only stay longer.

‘’Okay, mum. I would love to attend.’’

‘’Are you saying this just so I can leave your room, Richard’’

Now he really had to stretch his acting. ‘’I will be there.’’ Like you said, I am doing much better and that is something to be thankful for. So I don’t see why not.’’ he concluded with a smile that had gotten him out of many juvenile-caused problems in his younger days with his parents.

Whether it worked, depended heavily on how soon she was out of his room. And that happened with a hug and some more ‘I love yous’ later. When did he become this distant, everyone was only trying to help.

***

‘’Stella’’

‘’Stella!!!’’

Stella looked up to see her co-worker, Jane scowling at her. Apparently, she had been calling her. How could she forget that they were supposed to go shopping with Miss Ann in about 30 minutes and her chore for the morning still stared her in the face. Who knew that making a breakfast table would take so long. Jane seemed to have given up on her as she came over to help.

‘’This normally takes you no time’’ she said, paper napkin in hand.

‘’I just had a lot on my mind.’’ This was met with silence. Jane wasn’t a very chatty person. But since they were on the topic…

‘’I met a man today, in one of the entrances’’ She had worked here longer and was her next bet since Ms Ann wasn’t much help.

Jane did not even look up. She seemed even more absentminded than usual. But that was not going to deter her. That would not stop her.

"He was very shabby and dirty but he spoke impeccably well, and didn't act like a worker. If anything, he looked like he owned the place."

Jane had stopped folding but of course, Stella did not notice. Never had she felt the urge to be rude. She didn't know Stella very well but there was something about her. Something she couldn't quite decode.

"Stella, there are a lot of shabby-minded people in this mansion right now" Ms Ann would call them very soon and she wasn't going to be caught offside.

"I know, but this one is different. He was captivating, to say the least"

Jane wasn't listening anymore. The words 'looked like he owned the place' did something to her. She had heard stories about The Harrisons. And had seen things too. And one other thing she knew was that certain topics were off-limits. This was the only job she heard and it paid well. She wasn't going to lose it.

"I don't know whoever it is. Let's get this over and done with before Ms Ann comes"

Stella saw the change, as it happened. The same thing with Ms Ann. She wasn't going to let it.

"What is it about this man that frightens people?" she inquired intentionally. She had left her folding and stood beside her.

"Who else did you ask?

"Well, I asked Ms Ann…"

"And what did she say?" The trepidation had risen per question.

"She acted the same way you just did. Can you tell me why?"

"Maybe you should just drop it"

"I won't. And I feel you should know that, by now"

The smug look on her face was almost revolting. If she didn't give her something, Ann would meet them unprepared.

"The family has a lot of hush-hush about them. Some problem with the son but I don't know what it is. Trust me, that's all I know"

"I need to see him again," she thought to herself