Find Me

Chapter 10

Charlotte

            After I get off the phone with Liam I just sit on my bed and smile. Actually, I would call it a s**t-eating-grin, but that’s a minor detail. I cannot remember ever feeling like this, and it feels, refreshing. I get dressed and walk downstairs where Christmas music is blasting.

            I spend the day with mom and Nick putting up Christmas decorations around the house. I hang up my ornaments on the tree and after four years, I finally see Nick for what he really is, my mom’s best friend and a great guy. I usually spent very limited time with him, and when we were together I stayed on my phone or blocked him out. He actually is kinda funny and had the two of us laughing all afternoon.

            Liam texted me around dinner, but I didn’t get it until after we ate. I open my phone and click on his message, How was the rest of your day?

            I hit reply with a smile on my face. It was good, we decorated the house, how was yours? I almost tell him that he should come see it, but I don’t know if that is too much. I don’t know if he thinks of me as a friend, because I know he doesn’t really have many, or if he is looking for more. He invited me over to his house for dinner, and he said his mom invited me, so that means that he must have told her about me. I know I am over thinking this but I’m also not sure about what I want either. I join mom and Nick in the living room and watch some old Christmas movie that I have seen a hundred times. Throughout the movie Liam and I text, nothing special, just everyday chat, but it feels good and I keep smiling the whole time. At the end of the movie I look up and see both of them looking at me. I know the questions will begin soon, and my mom starts first.

            “Are you texting Liam?” She asks, with a knowing smile.

            “Maybe,” I say, trying to not give much away.

            “He is nice, and polite. I think he said thank you like, 10 times this morning,” she laughs.

            “He is nice,” I agree. “and he invited me over for dinner tomorrow” I add.

            “You’re not really telling us much. Come on, take the bait!” She says while she sits on her knees and leans toward me. “What’s going on, are you guys dating, how long have you known each other, where does he live, tell me about him!”

            I chuckle and hold up my hand, stopping her there. “We are just friends, we met about almost a month ago, and I know that sounds like a really short time, but I don’t know, he’s easy to be around and he has already seen me at my worse.”

            “What do you mean by worse?” Nick jumps in.

            “Well lets see, I met him when I fell on ice one morning when I was late to class and that was pretty embarrassing. Then, not to soon after I had a drunken interaction with him when I locked myself out of my room. I spent the night in his room.” I say, quickly adding, “he slept on the floor and gave me his bed, then when I woke up confused about where I was and had a panic attack he actually calmed me down.”

            Nick and mom smile at each other and mom says, “I don’t agree with you being drunk, but I’m glad he was there for you. Tell us about him, not the stuff we already know.” She adds, giving me a look.

            “um, well, he was born somewhere in New York but moved to Lyme, I don’t remember when. He is as business major, planning on taking over his dad’s business. I think it is something to do with online shopping or something, I don’t really know that either. He doesn’t have many friends, if any. Red flag, I know, but its actually because his brother died when he was nine, and it has had an impact on his ability to have relationships. He also lives in the dorm next to me, that was a surprise. Um, yeah… what else do you want to know?”

            “His brother died? How old was he and how did it happen?”

            “He didn’t actually tell me the cause, but he almost drowned at a beach and CPR was performed. He lived for a couple days afterwards, but Liam was sent home. A few days later, he died.”

            “That’s terrible, and that has impacted his social life?”

            “Yeah, he has trouble getting close to people, I guess its like, a self-conscious feeling of loyalty to his brother or something, I don’t remember exactly what he said, just that his therapist told him it.”

            “That makes sense if he was there for the end of his brothers life. It sounds like he needs you just as much as you need him,” Nick contributed.

            I look at him, “Nick what is it that you do for a living?” I realize that I don’t know what he does.

            “I am a mental health therapist,” he says simply, shrugging his shoulders.

            “But all these years, you have never once tried to do therapist voodoo on me,” I state questioningly. He just smirks and nods his head. “Wait, you have?” I exasperated.

            “No, not really,” he starts, but I give him my best I-don’t-believe-you look. “I really didn’t. You are not a patient of mine, and it is not my place to interfere with your life without your permission. I did however push you some. All those hugs, they were only for you, I am actually not a very touchy person, but I knew that you needed someone to push your boundaries otherwise you would never let your walls down and move on. After you accepted the few hugs, I moved to a peck on the cheek. It was honestly weird for me, but your mom actually was the one who suggested it.” He looks over at her in support.

            “I did. He knew about everything because I met him by going to see him. I didn’t know how to be the best support for you after everything that happened, so I booked an appointment with a different therapist than you, so there were no legal problems. After a few appointments he really helped me and I felt confident enough to do it on my own. A few months after my last appointment, I met him out at the bar, and we clicked. We then went out to dinner, and, it’s gone well since. He had already known about you, but made it clear that he wasn’t going to interfere, and he didn’t, until I told him about your mistrust of others and men in particular after about a year. He told me a couple of ways that I could try to help you, and I asked what he thought me introducing him would do, and we just built on that. The hugs were his idea and when you finally accepted one, I had to push you just a little more. You have so much potential and I don’t want you to miss out on life or love. I understand and respect your cautious outlook on life but I want you to live.”

            “Thanks mom.” I get up and give her a hug. I turn my body towards Nick and motion for him to come too, and we hug in a triangle, one of the strongest shapes. Fitting. I go to bed that night and feel a sense of calm and peacefulness that I haven’t felt for a long time. Things are starting to look up.

                                                            Sunday

Liam

            Charlotte is being dropped off at 6:30 and mom and I have spent the last two hours making this chicken. Half of that was us looking up how to season and cook it, but it should be ready any minute now and I cannot help but feel nervous.

            My mom’s phone chimes, telling us that someone is pulling into the driveway. Gotta love technology. I walk to the door and open it right as Char is about to push the bell.

            “We have a security system, it tells us when people are here” I blurt out at her surprised face.

            “And here I was, thinking you were waiting at the door for me this whole time,” she jokes.

            “Come on in,” I open the door wider and wave at her mom as she backs out of our driveway. I shut the door behind us and watch as she takes everything in. It probably seems odd to her. We have a huge house, but there is no warmth to it. There are no family pictures, no knickknacks, our house looks like it is a model home for a magazine advertising modern furniture.  

            “Wow, you have a really nice house,” she says after doing a 360 in my foyer.

            “Its nothing really, come, dinner is almost ready and I’ll give you the tour afterwards.” I guide her into the kitchen. Mom and I had decided to eat in the kitchen instead of in the dining room, because the table was too large for it to be comfortable.

            My mom is standing next to oven, wringing a towel in her hands.

            “Hello Mrs. Harveston” Char offers first. “Its nice to meet you, I am Charlotte.”

            “Hello dear, it is nice to meet you too, please, call me Rachel.” Just then the timer goes off on the oven and my mom jumps.

            “Oh my!” She says with her hand on her chest. Charlotte giggles as I go to turn it off. “I guess I cannot pretend that I cook all the time now” my mom says with a genuine smile. It is so unlike her, to not make herself seem flawless that it shocks me a bit.

            “I am not that great of a cook either, no worries” Charlotte reassures her.

            “I am not a cook at all, we used the internet to figure out how to make just a simple chicken” my mom tells her with a giggle. I have never heard my mom giggle. Ever. What is happening?

            We get everything plated and sit down at the breakfast bar. There is an easy chatter as we eat, not like there was as Char’s house, but a huge difference from the silent meals I am used to with my family. My mom asks questions and answers Charlotte’s throughout the meal. I get to know Char a little better, but I also get to know my mom better and see a side of her I have never seen. Usually she is distant, cold, and arrogant but she is being nice, caring, and friendly tonight. When we finish dinner mom asks who wants dessert and I look at her questionably.

            “We didn’t make dessert” I tell her.

            She grins at me, saying “well I went to the bakery and bought some eclairs, I know you used to like them. I hid them from you so you wouldn’t eat them before our guest arrived” she says with a twinkle in her eye.

            “I love eclairs!” Char says.

            “Well I think I like them more” I challenge her. “Once I ate 4 of the huge ones, after I ate dinner.”

            “Well, once I ate four of the huge ones for dinner” she says, sticking out her tongue at me and giggling.

            “You ate eclairs as dinner?” My mom questions her.

            “Yeah, there was a time where I wouldn’t really eat anything so if my mom saw me eating anything she would let me eat however much of it I wanted.”

            “When I was pregnant with Liam’s older brother, I ate a whole cake myself in one afternoon. It was supposed to be for Rodger’s birthday, but he hadn’t come home and I just couldn’t control myself” my mom tells her, like it is her biggest kept secret. Charlotte laughs and puts out her hand for a hi-five. My mom looked at it, unsure but then shrugs her shoulders and hi-fives her.