For The Love of An Alpha

Coping

Rain fell hard on the tree leaves that scattered the ground. The canopy of limbs and leaves overhead did little to shield the ground from the torrent that tore through the Lakewood Hills forest. The smell of wet sap, maple leaves and evergreens filled the air. Thunder cracked in the distance as Jay loped to a stop atop a large rock. Her eyes gazed longingly across the ravine. She had just left Mama Jones from her dress fitting. She was happy while she was there, but the calm and peace that filled her in the time she ran through the forest made her happier.

We could do it, Lettie. Jay reached out to her longest friend, Just run and not look back. Jay felt a pang in her heart at the thought. She longed for the open road, but it had almost killed her trying to leave.

Jay, we can't leave him. Scarlet cried out among the recesses of her mind. 

If wolves could cry, tears would be running down her snout. Instead she settled for the world around her crying on her behalf. She was so torn and wanted to be on her own again. She thought back to her Grandmother, not wanting to hurt her but it was so abstract to think of being with them all again.

A loud laugh from her left resounded through the forest. She turned her head abruptly and a low growl came from her chest. Two teens burst through the bushes, the boy's hands wrapping about the young girls waist as the laughed. Jay bore her teeth and gave a deep growl, her body not lifting from her comfortable position on the rock. She laid their, her back legs kicked to her side, the teens freezing in their tracks as they slowly backed away from the rock. Once out of site the pair quickly scrambled back towards the pack house. 

Jay laid on the rock, enjoying the feel of the rain as it rolled from her fur. A heavy sigh escaped her lips as she rested her head upon her front paws. She felt trapped, torn between choices and circumstances. Thunder cracked in the distance in response to the flash of light that filled the area, Jay felt the electricity in the air from the recent strike. Her head still remained down, unaffected by the storm that raged around her. The feeling of nature reflecting her inner turmoil felt good to her. The sound of water as it hit the large flat rock becoming a soft melody for her.

Yesterday was a whirlwind that blew threw her mind. Less then a week ago it was just her, wandering the world. She laid on the rock, enjoying the rain as the last week ran through her mind. As the rain poured around her and ran down her fur, it was almost as if it washed away her worries. Another flash of light came, but not loud c***k from the collision of electricity to earth. Jay lifted her head and looked about the forest, it was quiet, with just the sound of rain. She laid her head back on her front paws.

"Looks like the storm is moving out." A soft female voice came faintly across the wet forest. Jay lifted her head, but saw no one there. She sniffed the air, the smell of wet leaves, damp earth and cold rocks filled her nostrils. Her brow furrowed and she rested her head again, her ears on alert.

"There you are." Sebastian's voice came out from across the distant clearing. 

Jay huffed and rose to her haunches, tilting her head as the man approached. When he was close enough she shook her fur, sending water flying in all directions.

"Hey now, was that really necessary?" Sebastian tried to shield his eyes from the water.

Jay leapt from the rocks and loped over to the cave she had stashed her clothes in. Sebastian followed slowly behind her. Her clothes were laid out on rocks, drying while she enjoyed the rain. Beside them was a fresh towel and a backpack. She shifted and dried herself off, dressing promptly.

Sebastian crossed the threshold to the cave just as Jay had zipped up her jeans. She pulled her shirt down and began to dry her hair with the towel. Sebastian's eyes noted the backpack she had sitting on the rock floor. "Going somewhere?" Sebastian took a seat on a rock ledge near the entrance.

Jay looked to the pack and back to Sebastian. "I don't know." She answered honestly, "I was thinking about it." She tossed the towel to the area by the pack, "God I was thinking about it." She dropped into a squat and put her head in her hands. "I don't think I'm cut out for this. I don't know if I can be what everyone wants." She began to just spill everything to this confidant she had found in Sebastian. "Everything in me is screaming to run for the hills, but then..." Her eyes went to Sebastian and then she felt her cheeks turn pink, "He touches my hand, or looks at me and I can't breath. I tried to leave, twice. The first was right after that fight by the house. I thought I was going to die." She took a deep breath and ran her hands through her wet auburn hair, spreading her fingers to break through the knots. "Last night, after everyone went to bed, I tried to leave. Henri stopped me at the front door." Jay looked out passed the entrance to the falling rain, watching as it began to slow.

"What'd he say?"

"He'd let me go if that's really what I wanted. He said it might kill him, but he'd do it if that's what would make me happy."

"Would it?" Sebastian asked, clasping his hands together in his lap as he brought his right ankle to rest on his left knee.

"I don't know. I haven't been happy in so long." Jay began to pace the small area inside the cave. 

"I don't know what happy is and this" Jay gestured to the area around her, "scares the hell out of me."

"Ya, know," Sebastian looked out to the rain and then back to Jay, "I said the same thing to Asia." He watched as Jay's eyes trained on him. "I didn't grow up here. I was raised by the Winter's Cross pack, up in the mountains. They made a treaty with Azure Rise and I came down as a show of good faith." Sebastian sighed as he recalled his past. "Asia had just been hired as the head chief in the kitchen. I walked in and that was it, I knew I couldn't leave her. Azure Rise was her family, she'd been raised here. I left Winter's Cross and came over." He stood from his spot and leaned against the entrance to the cave, his back to the cool stone and his eyes watching the forest. "I was scared out of my mind. I'd been trained to be a killer, a warrior with my previous pack. I didn't know how to be anything else." His eyes looked to Jay and he smiled, "I had to trust Asia. That she would be able to show me what it meant to be more then a tool, more then a weapon. She taught me how to live."

Jay lifted her pack and towel from the floor. "Do you think Henri will be able to help me?"

Sebastian smiled warmly to the woman before him, "I think so." He pulled her in for a tight hug, Jay didn't deny it. She felt like he was more family to her then the grandmother she had reconnected with. He understood her.

"I'm scared, Bas." Jay said, giving the tall man a new name that brought a chuckle roaring from his chest.

"Ya, Jay-Jay, I was too." He returned to her. 

They chuckled awkwardly and began the walk back to the pack house.

"You aren't alone, girl. You know that, right?" Sebastian spoke as their feet crunched through the wet leaves.

"Ya, but sometimes I feel like I am." She picked up a large maple leaf from the floor. "Even when the room is full, I feel alone."

"Ya, that gets easier." Sebastian smiled to her softly, "It's not easy, and Henri will learn the signs just like Asia did." He chuckled, "You ever notice how she leans over and whispers in my ear?"

Jay nodded as she brought the damp leaf to her nose, inhaling it's scent deeply.

"Ya, that's her way of bringing me back to the now and out of my own head." He crunched his brows together, "She called it anxiety. I'm no doctor, but if that's what she has to call it to help me, sure."

They both chuckled and continued their walk back. The Lunar Blood pack should be arriving any moment. Their teams had been delayed with some business that had to be addressed before they could leave. The pack house was in their sights when they heard a loud howl come from their right, down the road. It was quickly followed by a chorus of howls.

Jay looked to Sebastian.

"That's the Lunar Blood pack coming in. Your people are here, Jay-Jay."

"Ya," she dragged the word out in a sigh, "I think I'm already with my people, Bas."He chuckled and brought his right arm about her shoulders, bring her into an awkward hug. They hurried their steps to the house, entering quickly. Jay had rushed up to change and Sebastian stepped into the dining hall. Asia was hard at work setting the table and laying decorations.

"Hey there, gorgeous." Sebastian called out in to the dinging area.

Asia turned her head, her hair was done up in braids that she had done that morning. They seemed to flow as she moved. Her smile was jubilant, as she turned excitedly toward Sebastian. Her arms quickly wrapped around his neck and she kissed him. 

"Miss me?" Sebastian was surprised by her actions.

"I did." She rolled back off her tip toes and turned her attention back to the room. "How is she?"

"Who?" Sebastian asked, picking a cracker from a nearby plate.

Asia shot him daggers for the cracker theft, "Jay, how is she?"

"We talked," Sebastian quickly ate the evidence of his theft, "I think she's working things out." He smiled genuinely to Asia, "Same as we did."

Asia smiled back to her mate, catching his quick wink just as Henri and Eli came down the stairs.

"Sebastian!" Henri called out from the vestibule. "Did you find her?"

"Ya, she went up to get dressed." Sebastian winked once more at Asia before going to the vestibule. 

"How is she?" Henri asked, as he clasped the tall man on the shoulder.

"You should ask her yourself." Jay spoke out from the top of the stairs. She had worked with Asia on what to wear. While all she wanted was loose jeans and t-shirts, Asia was adamant she needed to dress nicely for the packs as they arrived. Jay relented and agreed, as long as she didn't have to wear a dress, and so Jay stood at the top of the stairs in a beautiful black pant suit. The pants were loose and flowed around Jay's curves and hung straight off her hips. The light blue blouse she wore was tucked in, the silver belt about her waist almost glowed. The black jacket was fitted perfectly for her shoulders and ran down her arms with just a little give. Jay felt comfortable in it, almost powerful. 

She smiled to the trio, who were dressed in slacks and button down shirts. Henri's mouth hung open in gaping 'O' as he looked upon his mate. It took him a second to recover, but he quickly rushed up the stairs and offered her his arm. Jay smiled to him and took it with her left hand.

"So," Henri cleared his throat and began, "how are you?"

"Functional." Jay smirked. "It's a lot." Her gray eyes watched as his blue eyes searched hers. She felt the love he had for her and it was almost enough to bring her to tears.

"I'm hear," Henri brought his left hand over to rest atop her left hand, "always." He gave a half smile as they stepped off the last step.

Jay returned it and took in a deep breath. The sound of cars stopping out front and hooting and hollering came loud and clear.

"Elder Ezara is already out front." Eli chimed in, "She asked to be at the guest cabin, just down the road." Eli chuckled as he moved to open the front doors. "Less stairs."

The five of them erupted in laughter. Henri and Jhera took the lead out the main door, followed by Eli and then Sebastian and Asia. The five forces stood on the large wrap around porch of the pack house, watching as the new arrivals continued to exit their vehicles. There was jeering and laughter, they were pumped and excited. The last of five large SUV's pulled in and parked, the 2 tall men exited the back seat followed by a man and woman from the front seat.

Henri felt Jay's hand tighten about his arm, she was almost trembling as he placed his hand upon hers. The arriving pack wouldn't have know how she felt from looking at her. Her face was stoic and she stood tall, nearly as tall in Henri with the heels that Asia had given her to wear. Henri walked her off the porch to the walkway, their guests beginning to approach.

"Eli!" A booming voice announced, his large presence hid the two other men that walked behind him. Eli walked ahead and clasped the mans hand firmly, both patting each other on the back. They were instantly deep in conversation.

"Breath." Henri whispered to Jay, as he felt her pulse quicken. 

She smiled to him and nodded, taking a slow deep breath. Her eyes met the two men that walked behind the wall of a man that had arrived first. The young woman between them looked to be in her late teens, while the two men looked to be about Jay's age.

"Henri, it's good to see you." The first man reached for Henri's hand, causing him to release his arm from Jay's hold. The man's hair was light brown and short, with a small earing in his right ear. He wore a button down shirt and slacks, his right hand showed a large scar and was missing a finger. Jay noticed the scar above his right brow as well. His green eyes flashed with joy as he greeted Henri. 

"Jacob," Henri turned to Jay, "let me introduce you to Jay." He smiled to his mate, genuine and calming.

Jay smiled to Henri and then offered her right hand to the scarred man before her. He gripped her hand firmly and smiled.

"It's good to see you again." He could read the confusion on her face, "We were friends when we were young. It's been a while." He smirked and turned to the young girl beside him. "This is Constance, my sister."

She smiled to the young girl. "Pleasure to meet you." She extended her hand and the girl eagerly took it. "Please, come into our home." Jay spoke firmly to the young girl, but it was an invitation to everyone.

The packs quickly flooded the home. The heads of both packs took up the main dining hall, although the family room had also been expanded into a dining area. Constance had gathered her food from the buffet that was in the main hall and was turning to go to the family room when Jay called out to her.

"Constance, please sit with us." She extended a hand to the dining area. The smile on the girls face said all she needed to here. She was happy to be included at what she called the 'adult table'.

Jacob introduced his team as they sat about the table. The wall of a man he called Morgan Estlen and the shorter man that walked up with him was his older brother Brandon. Brandon looked almost identical to Jacob, save for the scars. Later Jay found out from Constance that they were twins, Brandon was four minutes older. Morgan was announced as Jacob's beta, Brandon declared he didn't want the hassle of the title.

"Ain't that the truth!" Sebastian toasted his response with glee. The table erupting in laughter.Jay felt her heart quickening and she watched as everyone around her was lost in conversations. Constance was regaling Asia and Eli with a tail of how she killed a deer on her first shift. Eli and Morgan were deep in discussion about Beta business, as they called it. Jacob and Henri spoke about pack treaties and how everything was falling together. It took only a second, but that's all Jay needed to feel alone in a room full of people.

She knew no one and her grandmother had asked to sit out the dinner tonight. Jay was about to step from the table, when Henri's hand rested on her knee. He leaned over and whispered in her ear, it was slow and soft. It was gentle and kind, but it was what she needed.

"I love you." 

Her eyes began to swell with tears as she no longer felt alone. She blinked back the tears and leaned into him, "I love you." She whispered back, putting her hand in his. For a moment, it was just the two of them. Jay took advantage of everyone's distractions to lean in and kiss her mate. It wasn't passionate or intense, it was simple but full of love and adoration.

"Eww... Gross!" Constance cried out from across the table.

Laughter and giggling erupted once more, as Jay and Henri turned soft shades of pink in response to being caught.

It's not perfect, but it's a start. Jay spoke to Scarlet as the laughter died down. 

It's home. Was Scarlet's only reply.