For You

False Hopes

As I said earlier, my friends were never really my friends. But we did have fun before when I tried to fit into their troop. Maggie and Abby have been friends since high school first year . Me and Dave started hanging out with them obviously when she became Dave's girlfriend . Before that, I was friends with her but hi-hello ones .

Then, how did I hear about her breakup?

Well, a scene was created in school after Matt cheated on her. Matt was always the bad boy type guy and not just in appearance, his deeds were expressive . He dated a lot of girls since he got in high school, a year before us . I was never friends with him except socially friends , if that counts . I mean by his account I can tell none of his girlfriends lasts more than a month . It was no shock when he cheated on Abby . I knew Abby will be one of his target. Since, she was an easy victim. She was really innocent back then who didn't realise Matt's evil schemes . Hence, it was expected from Matt .

I saw a lot of girls trying to help her when they got into the relationship including me, telling that he's just going to use her. But of course she thought they were just jealous of her . So, I don't really blame Matt for anything .

Anyway, I don't believe she is innocent now after Dave told me what happened. I am still curious to know who she cheated with . I wonder if it's Matt. Because, he was her first.

"So?Are you gonna say something?" Maggie says while I keep a smile replying , "Yeah."

I slouch back on the chair crossing my legs and taking a sip from my drink portraying a more dramatic look.

" It was more than just a hangout."

I had this sudden burst of confidence . A confidence I wasn't recognizing myself . I was confident that Dave will be mine .

Abby shows an exclamation of disgust and still not looking aside at me she focused into a blank space saying, "Of course you did, b***h! "

Alex places his hands over Abby's and attempts to comfort her after witnessing her reaction.

"Well cool down Abby. She didn't say it precisely . A lot of things can be more than just a hangout . I mean, they are best friends! "

I stared at him when he released his opinion. I wish he did that same thing for me when Abby used to miserably hurt me by her mean comments during our group hangouts and used to make me feel that I don't belong with them . I wish he had supported me like this back then too. But maybe, he never considered me as one of his friends. Perhaps, that's why he never tried to raise his voice.

Maggie immediately enquires me, "Why would you do that, El ?

I rotate my head to look at her answering , "It's called Revenge."

Examining Maggie's face I can assume she doesn't know and I am surprised, how doesn't she?

I observe Dave keeping his hands on his forehead like he does when he gets his stupid headaches . I don't understand why he seems worried. Abby leaves the cafeteria in frustration pulling her hands out of Alex's clasp. I watch her leaving rudely while shoving people out of her way. Alex runs after her and Dave stood up yelling at me,"Why would you that?"

I stared at his angry face.

I don't get why Dave is mad at me . I don't know what I did wrong.

Maggie asks baffled, "What revenge? She had never hurt you."

Not giving answers to Maggie I get up to follow Dave who's currently walking away from me .

"WHAT DID I DO?" I say loudly crowding the whole cafeteria's attention on me. People were starting to give glares . Before the gossiping begins, he caught hold of my hand tightly taking me outside the building .

He lets go of the strong grip as we step outside. We stood in front of the school yard.

An empty field filled with two broken hearts.

My fingers graze over the place he held stinging me. Not noticing, he howls in a high voice, "You shouldn't have done that Ellie! She made me promise not to tell anyone. "

He never shouts at me and this was the first time he ever did. The sky was grey adding a melancholic touch to it and the pitch of his voice was even higher than the incoming thunder noises .

I couldn't but to scream, "What?Are you kidding me? I mean she can expose me in front of everyone. But I can't expose her?"

I was furious.

Dave doesn't face me while I continue my words.

"You know why we kissed in the first place. Because, you were mad at her and I was mad that she tried to hurt my best friend."

He finally looks at me uttering , "Did you actually do that , the revenge thing for me or for yourself?"

I was shocked to even hear Dave say that. But I was more shocked to admit, did I really do this because all this time she was mean to me? or because all this time she took my best friend away from me?

But honestly, I would have never done it if I didn't have a chance and Dave gave me that chance .



Tears were fighting to roll out of my eyes and my chest felt heavier when he freed the phrase. I say in an undertone , "Then, what did you wanted me to do? Tell everyone that it's my fault and not tell them why I did it in the first place. So, that they can hate me forever? "

His hands comes up to cup my cheeks when he realized how stupid he sounds himself. Slowly, the rain starts falling along the warm tears that were streaming down my cheeks. Somehow, it comforted me more than his presence. My hand is placed above my heart that is in constant pain right now.

He held my face tenderly looking at me. But I can't look at those eyes. Eyes that can easily break me down.

Rain showering above us, the cold breeze making me feel more miserable. I hold myself but my damped clothes wasn't helping. His mouth comes closer as he sucks my lower lip gently, soaked in the rain as well as pain fused with it. And I allow him to take it away.

'' I am so sorry El. '' He almost pleaded. His head rests on mine. The rain drops are now pouring above him then rolling down on me.

'' I am so sorry. '' He whispered again while I still cry. But, I took the last effort to push him away moping my tears.

"Do you even want to be with me or do you wanna just go back to her like nothing happened?"

"Of course I wanna be with you!"

He tries to get closer to me but I take a step back every time.

"You know Dave I never forced you. I am while aware that you knew I was falling for you and not just this year but before you were with her."

He was quite because of the guilt and I add again while the rain started falling harder than before.

"You could have asked me out . We could have been together if you had told me that you had feelings for me. But I guess, whatever you said before wasn't true . Since, you never really cared."

Our clothes were drenched and water drops are now dripping off his hair just as he says , "It's not like that. " While with disappointment I say, "Yes it is...like that."

I get inside the school leaving him there standing under the rain all alone .

I get myself to be okay the rest of the classes . People saw my dripping mascara but that wasn't my concern at that point. I don't like making a big issue like Abigail. I don't like telling strangers about my personal life .

Amanda tried to talk to me couple of times as a friend to know if I am okay and I smiled back like nothing happened. I can't undo the past . So, what I am supposed to do except acting like nothing happened?

After school hours without any fuss I call dad to pick me up . Even though he was mad at me I know he will always be there for me . Because that's what families do. I was waiting outside since the rain had stopped. But still the weather looked dreary and cloudy. I watch Dave stand beside me trying to get words out of his mouth. I was full of anger .The moment I see dad driving inside the school premises I start walking to the car before dad could reach the main entrance. Getting in I shut the door hard saying,"Drive!"

"Why are you in a hurry today? Bad mood?" Dad asks being worried. From the window, I could see Dave still standing on the muddy road and watching me from blocks away. Dad sees me looking at him and turning around the car he says," I don't trust that boy. "

I say mutely,"Me either."

*Play the song*

After getting out of the school area I turn on the radio as the song came by spilling the words out of my mouth.

'' Yeah I know that it's over.

But I guess that's just the way it has to be. ''

I stuck my head outside the window and I can feel dad's eyes focusing on me as he gets more worried. I see the tall trees passing by and the smell of rain mixed with earth's crust. The argument was replaying above my eyes. The phrases that were eating me up from the inside .

What is this burning and stinging sensation that I have never felt before?

I closed my eyes letting the wind embrace my face and wishing everything to turn back to normal again.