Chapter 33
My bedroom isn’t far from the music room and we make it there between kissing and manically groping at each other, as though we have to make up for the time we’ve lost. It’s a funny sensation, because instead of losing time—counting down the days—I have gained the rest of my life, no matter how long that might be. I may die tomorrow. I may die in 156 days. I may die in thirty-five years. The point is that I no longer know, that I no longer want to destroy myself—that I choose to continue to exist until my natural time is up.
Although a conscious choice, I can’t pinpoint the moment I made the decision, unlike the moment I decided I wanted to die. I’m not even sure it happened over the course of the past ten days. The decision-making process might have been put in motion the min
