A Breathless Place

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

“She’s read the first draft already, Ira.” I give him a once-over. It strikes me that, to me, he’s looked exactly the same for the past thirty-five years, although he must have changed. His hairline must have receded because he’s practically bald now. But when you see someone nearly every day, these incremental changes just creep up on you. “I didn’t even know there was a first draft.”

Ira waves his hand. “Eh. They must have cooked something up at the publisher’s as soon as they heard about Bruce’s accident. Some sort of contingency plan. Let’s not forget, we are under contract with them. And a large part of next year’s bottom line is riding on that book for them.”

“f**k the contract. I’ll buy them out if I have to.”

“Did you like Leila for the job?” Ira ignores me the way he usually does when I go a touch diva on him.

“It looked to me as though she liked herself very much for the job.”

“Just give me a yes or no, Izzy.”

“I haven’t decided yet. She invited me to dinner.”

He whistles through his teeth. “Are you going?”

“I don’t know.” Secretly, I’ve already decided to go, but a part of me doesn’t seem ready to admit that out loud yet.

“I think you should,” Ira says. Of course, Ira wants me to go. The pickings of being Isabel Adler’s manager have been rather slim of late—not that Ira isn’t smart enough to have made his fortune off me a long time ago. But men like him can never have enough money in the bank. The pursuit of ever-more dollars is what gets him up in the morning. “And not for the reason you think I want you to go.” He lifts an eyebrow, inviting me to inquire further. Through it all, Ira has become much more of a friend than a manager. I do have to give him that.

“And what’s that?” I smile at him. He pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose. He’s wearing his trademark navy polo shirt again, the sleeves tight around his biceps.

“It’s a chance to get yourself out of this house.” He looks around. “Don’t get me wrong. It’s a lovely house, but must you spend all your time in it?”

“I go out plenty.” It’s a blatant lie and we both know it.

“Okay, sure. In that case, next time you want to talk to me in person, why don’t you come to my office? If you’re out and about so much, it should be easy enough for you to drop by.”

“f**k off, Ira.”

He shrugs. “That’s what I thought.”

“I’ll go.” I make it sound as though I’ll go to Leila’s house to please Ira, my long-plagued manager, when the truth is, now that I’ve slept on it, I quite liked her. Her energy was arresting. It filled the room. Her dark gaze was slightly mesmerizing. And I have been psyching myself up to tell the story of the last ten years of my life, in all its brief brutality, to Bruce. I’m not sure yet whether I’ll be able to tell Leila—maybe my voice will fail me all over again—but I don’t mind trying.

At this point in my life, with 179 days to go, I literally have nothing left to lose. Because that’s the thing when you decide to die. So many former issues stop being important at all. In the end, I don’t care what Leila Zadeh thinks of me. I no longer care what anyone thinks of me. Whether they feel sorry for me or want to give me a good kick up the ass or have forgotten about my existence entirely. None of it matters. Because in less than six months, I’ll be gone.

“Good. Evie had nothing but good things to say about her,” Ira says. Evie is his new assistant. Although, she must have been around a while for me to actually remember her name. “Zadeh won a Pulitzer for her essay on gender pay disparity in the theater.”

“I know.” I’ve won thirty-six Grammys that now have zero meaning to me. Or was it thirty-seven? I don’t even know. It sounds conceited. And it is. But so many things are how they are, and usually for a good reason.

“Let me know how it goes. This book’s going to be massive. People are absolutely dying to hear from you.” Ira usually isn’t one to put this kind of pressure on me openly. He’s more of a stealthy manipulator.

“Do you have another agenda I don’t know about?” I ask.

He shakes his head, then stops abruptly. “Actually, I do.” He takes off his glasses. “There’s something different about you that I can’t put my finger on. I’m hoping that working with someone new might… I don’t know. Spark something in you.”

“What’s there to spark?” It’s funny he uses the word ‘spark’. I’ve always associated it with how alive I always felt on stage. It’s exactly that spark of vitality I’ve been missing for nearly a decade.

“Meeting someone new can have that effect on you,” he says.

“Oh, that’s right. You’re the expert, of course. What did Evie spark in you when you first met her?” I give him a facetious look. I’ve never been Ira’s easiest client, not even when I made him millions every year and my antics were easier for him to stomach.

“A lot.” Ira has always been a good sport. That’s probably why I’ve kept him on for such a long time. Neither of us is going to change now. But I’m glad Ira feels the spark so often. I used to envy him for that, but I don’t anymore. “And it’s wonderful.”

“I’ll keep you posted, but don’t go expecting too many sparks, okay?”

“At least she’s better looking than Bruce.” Ira paints on a smile. “Not wanting to speak ill of the ill, of course.” We got word yesterday Bruce has woken up from his coma, but his recovery will be a long road.

Truth be told, I never even considered whether Bruce was handsome or not. Maybe that says it all. Leila’s beauty, on the other hand, is pretty obvious. Uh-oh. Something begins to dawn on me.

“Am I to believe you didn’t have any hand in her selection?” I study Ira’s face for a reaction he might not be able to hide.

He holds up his hands. “I didn’t. I would tell you if I did. She was on the short list two years ago, before we decided on Bruce.”

“She was?” Surely, I would have remembered that. Unless it was kept from me.

“Or maybe it was the long list and she was otherwise engaged. I don’t remember. If it’s that important, I’ll look it up for you.”

I wave him off. It’s not important. My phone buzzes its daily reminder. It’s Ramona time. I feel like I need her more today, as if I have more energy to burn. I already know I will work extra hard for Ramona later.

I say goodbye to Ira and let Harry show him out. Before changing into my workout gear, I text Leila that I will take her up on her invitation.