The Witch's Brew

Chapters six: Kai

I got back to my apartment, and the entire ride here, I couldn’t stop thinking about the events at the bar. I was battling internal battles about whether what we did was okay. If it was really okay to find both Silas and Iris attractive. My internal homophobia was strong tonight because all I could think about was letting Silas slam his c**k into me while I pleasured Iris with my tongue.

“Gods, what is wrong with me… is this really okay…”

My upbringing screamed it wasn’t, but my heart screamed back, saying it was. I groaned as I flopped down onto the bed, letting sleep overtake my racing mind. My eyelids fluttered shut as I let out a soft groan. Sleep overtook me, and I was out.

The next morning, I woke up to the sounds of the birds perched outside near my window. The sun hung high in the sky.

“f**k how long was I out…”

I rolled over to check the clock on my nightstand. The red glowing numbers read twelve pm.

“f**k it's noon!”

I hastily got out of bed and into the shower. I scrubbed my skin until it was red. Like I was trying to get the feeling of my internal filth off me. I looked down at my body.

“How did I end up like this… hating myself for my carnal urges? It’s not that bad to like the same s*x, right?”

I got out of the shower and groaned as my brain was filled with thoughts of Iris and Silas. I hung my head and tried to will the thoughts away of what I wanted to do to them. I wanted them to f**k me, too. I growled a deep and menacing sound that was from deep within my chest. I could feel my nails extending and my senses heightening to the extreme. I hated how my body responded to the changes. I hated even more how my body responded to strong feelings. How romance and fear could start the semi-transition of my inner wolf.

I could smell the strong scent of morning dew on the blades of grass outside my small cottage. How the dirt smelled from the light rain that had occurred overnight made it smell damp and mossy. I paced my small bedroom as my inner wolf kept growling. He wanted out, and he wanted to wreak havoc. My hands had kept flexing. My nails dug into my skin as I wince from the stinging sensation on my palms. Then all I could smell was iron as the warm liquid dripped onto the wooden floor.

“This is not how I wanted my afternoon to go.”

After I got my inner wolf to calm down, I got dressed and headed into town for groceries. I was starving, but my stomach could wait until I got back. I don’t know if it was a form of punishment or just because priorities were stacked differently in my head. Regardless, I guess subconsciously, it was a form of punishment. I drove down the road listening to some old rock music that I blared during high school. I let the lyrics and the melody wash over my brain like a soothing balm.

“I shouldn’t like men and women… but then why do I feel so strongly for both Iris and Silas? This is so wrong… I’m filthy, and no amount of soap and water will wash this sin away…”

I don’t even have a destination in my head, but I guess my brain had decided subconsciously to arrive at the Witch’s Brew. f**k out of all the places… I was so screwed. I killed the engine, got out of my truck, and headed inside. Iris was already positioned behind the counter, cleaning the bar top…

“Hey, Iris, uh, sorry about last night…”

She looked up and smiled. “Nah, don’t be.” Her face started to flush, and she went back to cleaning.

I perched myself on the bar stool and looked at the drinks that lined the back wall of the bar. My gaze kept flickering towards Iris. f**k, she was beautiful. I could already feel my c**k hardening, and the memories from last night kept creeping into the forefront of my brain. The way Iris felt around me and the way she took both Silas and me was stirring unwanted feelings for him.

I could still smell the musky and salty odor with an undertone of bleach even now. It hit my senses like a f*****g truck. I shivered subconsciously, and Iris gave me a look.

“I’m fine, just uh figuring things out in my head.”

That wasn’t a total lie, but I didn’t want to overwhelm her with my full thoughts. How I was battling myself internally with what had conspired last night with her and Silas. I smiled a small smile as I tried to reassure her, but I had a sickening feeling that it wasn’t.

“Kai, you know you can always talk to me about anything. You do know that, right?”

I nodded and sighed. “The smile didn’t reassure you, did it ?”

She laughed and shook her head. “Nah, remember we’ve been friends for a long time.”

I sighed and looked down at the shining bar top, the very bar top I had her bent over the night before.

“Can I have a drink? Something strong, very strong.”

Iris nodded and poured me a drink. She slid it down the bar top and leaned her elbows on it.

“What?” I wouldn’t look at her as I threw back whatever shot she had poured me.

“Just wondering what’s wrong, Kai? You always tell me when something’s wrong…”

“Only because you nag me until I give in.”

“Still, I’m your friend, and I want to help if I can.”

“This isn’t something you can help me with, Iris, so please, for the love of the gods, just stop prying?”

She huffs and stalks off to help another patron who had just sat down at the bar. I rolled my eyes and went to stand up. That’s, of course, when Silas decides to saunter into the bar. f**k my life. I groaned and hung my head. I made a beeline for the bathroom. I shut the stall door and locked it behind me. My hands trembled, and my eyes scrunched closed. I took slow, deep breaths.

“f**k it all to hell and back. Why now? Why couldn’t I get the f**k outta here before he walked in, of all the f*****g people in this small Podunk town?”

I waited for what felt like hours, but in reality it was only like five minutes. I snuck out of the bathroom and quietly tried to leave the bar.

“Oh, Kai!” I stilled when Silas called out my name.

Fuck!

“Hey, Silas, I was just uh, leaving.”

I turned around and looked down at the ground at my shuffling feet, trying to keep my mind busy and not on the way my c**k was stirring. The way I wanted to feel his lips wrapped around my c**k. Or the way Iris took both of our c***s like a champ.

He nodded, “Oh, okay. Well, maybe I’ll see you again soon?”

I nodded, and my wolf wanted to howl. He kept screaming mates mates mates! I growled internally at my inner wolf, and he whined before going silent. f**k I was so screwed. I hung my head and twirled the empty glass in the air.

“Are you okay?” Silas asked, his hand brushing against mine.

“Yeah, just still used to getting my inner wolf under control and just the whole not being human in general.”

“I’ve heard that it can be hard if you want. I have connections, and maybe they can help you? That is, if you want help.”

“Wait, really?”

He nodded, stood up, and grabbed a pack of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket. “Want one?”

He offered the pack to me, and I took one. He flicked his lighter once, and I leaned towards the flame as I inhaled, getting the cherry lit. He does the same and lets out a large puff of smoke. Damn, he looked good with the cigarette as it dangled from his lips. Gods, why did I have to think of him being hot and wanting him to dominate me? I groaned as I let out a puff of smoke. At least the nicotine was helping to calm my nerves.

I got up from the stool and leaned against the bar next to Silas. He let out another large smoke cloud. He smiled at me.

“You sure you’re good? You seem a little off. Was it about last night?

I couldn’t meet his gaze as I let it drop to the sticky bar floors. I inhaled a shaky breath and looked up at him, and nodded. I couldn’t believe I was going to be honest, least of all with him, but maybe he’s battling the same thoughts.

“I just think being attracted to the same s*x is wrong, but I also can’t stop thinking about it… doing it again with you and Iris.”

“Well, why do you think same s*x relationships are wrong?”

“That’s how I was raised, very conservative parents.”

He nods. “Ah, that makes sense. Well, if that’s true, then you do like both men and women. I don’t think it’s wrong… I do too. I’m attracted to both you and Iris. However, I also won't push you towards anything.”

I turned towards him, and my tension in my body lessened. I cracked a small smile. I nodded at him. My inner wolf howled and jumped as he tried to push to the forefront, and I could feel my fangs elongate. It was happening again, me losing control little by little. I put down the beer bottle and grumbled under my breath.

“What’s wrong? Did I say or do something wrong?”

“No, it's just hard to control my inner wolf at times, and right now is one of those moments.”

“Ah, I could see how that would be uh a problem. I also have an inner monster… mine is an addiction to blood… for whatever reason, if day walkers have too much blood they can get addicted.”

I looked up at him. “Really? So you get the internal battle. I hate it. I don’t know what I should or shouldn’t do. This is still all new to me.”

He nodded and squeezed my hand gently. “If you want to explore your sexuality, Iris and I can help. I could tell she liked it too.” He smiled down at me and leaned closer. “I enjoyed it too, in case you were wondering.” He whispered as his lips grazed my ear.

My face flushed as I whimpered. “f**k, I mean y-yeah I’d be down.”

He pulled me closer, and I leaned my head on his shoulder. I caught Iris’ gaze, and she smiled as she made her way over. She squeezed my shoulder as she walked past me. Her perfume wafted my senses as she made her way back behind the bar. I looked back at her, and it looked like she was in her own little world. The way her tongue peeked out, her plump lips in a small pout, and her gaze trained on a cup she was polishing.

“Seems like she’s pretty focused, huh, Silas?”

He looked behind him and nodded. “Yeah, I wonder what she’s thinking about…”

I shrug. “Who knows, but she looks pretty when she’s in her own little world, huh?”

Silas cracked a small smile and nodded. “Yeah, she is. However, she's always pretty… I am extremely lucky to have met her and you as well.”

I flushed at his comment and looked up at him. “Yeah? I guess I did too.”

I hold Silas’ hand. I was still fighting my internalized homophobia, but I also wanted to be who I truly was. I knew I had a long road ahead of me to finally feel comfortable in my own skin. However, I wanted to try to battle my internalized misconceptions even if my parents would flip their lids when they found out.

“How are you feeling? You know about everything that conspired last night?”

“Better still, uh, trying to rewire what I had been taught, but I’m ready to finally be myself. I have you and Iris to thank for that.”

Silas smiled bigger at my words. I could feel the tension that was between us slowly fade away. He held my hand while he snubbed out his cigarette. I followed suit and tossed the butt into the ashtray that was nestled between us on the bar top. I looked down at the sticky floor as my inner wolf hummed with excitement at trying to feel comfortable with my sexuality. Trying to be comfortable in my own skin.

“You wanna go play pool or do you wanna order another drink?” Silas piped up.

“We could go play pool! I haven’t played in years, but that does sound fun!” I smiled up at him, and he led me over to a free billiards table.