Loving Lisbeth Salander (XIV Series #1)

The Boy and Regrets II

When I reached my room for the next class, I entered only to wish I never stepped inside. There he sat, the guy who made me hate school even more than I did the last time I remembered. I ignored the kid as much as I could, to the point of even making my steps as light as feather in walking, but when he noticed my arrival, the guy lifted his head up with an innocent expression and as always, he sat on the same table I often used, sitting next to the seat I always took. I frowned and took a different one – the furthest from where he sat so I didn’t have to deal with his annoying presence today.

Fuck I’m too early for this class. I f*****g blame Han for this.

“Hey,”

I didn’t look up to see whoever the s**t it was and just ignored the speaker. Partly because I already knew who it was. He was the only person who dares talk to me, after all. I was getting used to hearing his annoying voice, and the more I hear it every day, the more it makes it easier for me to recognize.

“You’re here early.”

So are you. I answered in my head, but still said no word, so I shifted my gaze out the window to avoid any sort of eye contact with him, in which I could see a clear view of the Science Park just outside this department. When my peripheral vision upfront went back to normal, he asked, “Why aren’t you sitting in the middle?” I imagined he already took a sit somewhere within that table I chose. “You liked sitting in the middle.”

I did.

Fascinating how he managed to observe that even without really talking to him. Gotta give it to him, he was way ahead from the other guys I met from knowing things about me that no one else knew.

Now, I don’t.

“You can’t keep running away from me, you know.”

I can see that.

“Because I’ll keep chasing you.”

I sighed, not planning to start any conversation with the seagull any time soon. Then keep chasing. I turned my head to the other side only to be welcomed by the guy’s face leaning extremely close to mine. He doesn’t flinch. He just stayed there, his nose almost touching mine, calmly smiling towards me like an utter fool.

Before I knew it, my heart was already racing that lead me to slap his face away from mine. s**t. He grunted in pain and he almost fell off his chair but I cared less. My eyes widened at the reaction my body made from that moment. I admit, I slapped him pretty hard out of shock. It was a natural self defense action that was released from my soul. If I didn’t, his face wouldn’t be as red as now.

“W-What…”

I hadn’t realized that he already transferred his things over the table that I was on until he sat back down caressing the cheek that I just slapped.

“What was that for?!” he exclaimed.

I examined his face. It was still red, and a little more bloated than the other side, but he’ll be fine surely. This is the worse he could get for his precious face, I bet. Besides, a slap wouldn’t kill you. Even people bet on face slapping show shits they air on the television.

“You’re supposed to answer when you’re talking to someone.” He added. “Answer their questions when you’re being asked. Not… slap them?”

“If you’re smart, you’d know the answer to the question you just asked.” I sighed and pulled out a notebook, my only notebook really, and a pen to go with it just to show him I got things better to do than speak with him now or for the rest of this class.

“I meant my first question.” He corrected which was a little discomforting and annoying. This is why I hated talking to smart people. They always know how get back at you even for the simplest things. “You slapped me because I was too close. That’s pretty reasonable.”

“Well, you’re too close.” I pretended to make myself look busy by scribbling inanimate objects in my notebook.

He suddenly popped in front of me and saw across the table I was sitting on. He flashed a wide smile at me when I gaze up to him, and I just stared with my creased brows confused of what the f**k was happening before my eyes. He looked like a f*****g dog. I thought, for sure, he’d stop when he realized I wasn’t going to entertain him anytime soon, but he was holding up pretty well for a smart one like him. I’d think he would have better things to do than rub his nose on my business.

I slammed my palms over the table and he jumped from his seat in fright. “Leave me alone!” I exclaimed in fury. “I’m not interested in whatever you’re fantasizing,” I emphasized and he doesn’t seem affected at all. He showed a bit of shock from my gestures, but he wasn’t flinched over my attitude or how other people perceived me as. “So let me be and we’ll have no problems.”

He shook his head. “I will stay away only if you say my name right in one try.”

“Fuck.” I mumbled under my breath. f**k. What was it again? f**k. Well, clearly, it wasn’t f**k. My only chance to get away with this seagull and I’m blowing it off like I was trying to convince him to keep doing it instead. “Mack.”

He laughed, hysterically tapping his palms over his lap as he leaned back to emphasize how hilarious it was for him. I could have f*****g sworn that it was his name, but the way he was laughing gave it away. It ain’t Mack alright. “Mark.” He said in slow motion. As if that was going to make me remember it. “Guess you’ll have to deal with me a little longer, huh?” He winked and squinted my eyes a little in irritation.

I shook my head, disappointed at myself for f*****g up the one time I get an opportunity to have this seagull leave me alone. This is why I should remember names from now on. People will start using it against me like what he just did. And it feels f*****g awful to lose.

“It’s Mark. Mark. Mark. Mark. Mar—”

“Look.” I glared at the stupid f*****g kid who can’t seem to find a better job than annoy me which congrats to him, he was doing pretty well at it. “What made you think I’d remember your f*****g name when I don’t even give a s**t about other people?” I asked hoping he would at least feel a bit of hint of annoyance I have for him. “Why don’t you just f*****g leave me alone and not make me do things I’ll regret?”

“I can’t.”

The f**k does this guy mean.

He can just not talk to me the way he never did before. That should be easy considering that he never really paid so much attention to me weeks ago before I took the goddamn drink for him that night. If I knew it would result to this, I wouldn’t have saved him from Walter’s f**k up made-up welcome ceremonies. “I just can’t not try and not be your friend just because you’re pushing me away. I can’t do that.” He shook his head. “Otherwise I’ll have to live in regret for not taking the chances I didn’t take.”

I gulped.

Live in regret for not taking the chances I didn’t take.

“I’m sorry. I know you always hate it when you’re told about things like these.”

I squinted my eyes barely noticeable and I felt my fingers flinched a little at what he said. I was taken aback. I’ve never heard someone talk about something with so much passion – never had a conversation with someone that made as much sense as him. For once, it was refreshing to hear someone put so much thought in what they say, and it doesn’t make me mad. I appreciated people who were able to admit these kind of things.

He must have noticed how speechless I was because he spoke again. Only this time, he asked me something I never thought someone would even ask. “Do you perhaps know why people regret?”

I couldn’t bring myself to speak at the moment. I was still too stunned by what he said about living in regret for not trying at all.

“They say regrets come out as mistakes and wrong decisions in life. Well, for one, regrets are mistakes, but I think people only regret because they’re guilty of not being able to do something at their best.”

I felt my lips part as I completely froze from my post. Guilty of not being able to do something at their best. But he wasn’t all right. Regrets aren’t even mistakes. Regrets are mistaken as mistakes when really, they were feelings a person would feel when they know they did something wrong after doing it without thinking thoroughly about it.

“Didn’t ever regret anything in your life?” He suddenly asked and I was out of words. Regret something? “Whether it’s small or big…”

“No matter what happens, always do everything in your power with no regret, Laken.”

I spaced out.

“Is this one of things you said about doing things with no regret? f*****g people?”

I blinked and broke away from my thoughts before I dug deeper and I start acting violent before class even started. “No.” I briefly replied.

He didn’t seem convinced with my reply. I wouldn’t be convinced with myself either. Not with that long pause and the space out. “If you say so…”

 “Look alive, class! We’re having a quiz after the lecture so better listen.”

Oliver walked inside the room and the other students from this class, ran inside to take their seats, while I was still being clouded with thoughts from what this seagull just babbled about regrets and s**t.

The guy then took his things to the table in front of me and smiled at me before he turned to the front – to where Oliver was fixing the projectors for the lecture. I still couldn’t believe he made me flash back to my f****d up past without even trying. Normally, Han and her f*****g friends would use it against me and would bring it up on purpose to piss me off. But this guy didn’t. So I had absolutely no reason to f*****g hate on him for bringing up something he didn’t know that triggered me.

Mark.

Well, I’ll make sure I remember that name in case you use it against me again. Or maybe my impulse was telling me I wanted to remember him for the things he was surprisingly doing to me, the things he was doing to me so effortlessly.

I took my pen and started scribbling the seagull’s face in my notebook. I drew an off shape circle before I drew in ugly sunken cheeks and sharp jawlines. Then I drew his check shaped crooked brows with his tiny Asian eyes. Then his thin lips that were just popping out from his sunken face structure. His hair, I just stoke strands that covered his entire forehead as it seemed like it was his natural hair. I wrote down the letters M-A-R-K just below the sketch and smirked as I stared at my masterpiece.

It actually looked like him.

“Don’t worry, class. The exam will be easy as pie!”