Unknown

How It Began

      She wrote me a letter. A letter of closure. One that broke my heart while it spoke the truth. I had spent 3 years pouring my life into a woman that I loved but never loved me. She was in love with her ex. She used me as a substitute and subconsciously I allowed myself to be the second choice, even though I deserved far more. I continued to read and my heart continued to break. She blamed me. Yes, I knew she had just ended a relationship but I allowed myself to think that I had been the catalyst she needed to move on. I NEVER, as her letter claimed, knew she was involved with someone else. I never knew she was struggling with her feelings. I never thought I would not be her choice. Red came along in a time where I felt underappreciated. While my career continued to prosper, my personal life was disintegrating in front of my eyes.

     Red. My first. In the past I found myself attracted to women. Fantasy mostly. Nothing I would ever act on….or so I thought. Then Red appeared. We worked together. I was the Sales and Catering Manager at a hotel and she was the Banquet Chef. She was new. The Executive Chef, Steven, didn’t even bother to introduce us. Our weekly meeting started. I prepared my power point full of our events for the next 10 days, as well as, all the food and beverage and special requests for all the groups. I placed my preprinted BEO's in front of all the empty seats. The meetings was usually hosted by me and attended by the General Manager, Director of Operations, Front Office Manager, Valet Manager, Executive Chef, Audio Visual Representative and Banquet Captain and Banquet Chef. “Welcome, Welcome,” I said loudly as everyone entered the room. I continued to hand out the BEO's and eventually sat down to run through my presentation to ensure everything was ready.

     I heard a few people reply but most people ushered in with bad attitudes not especially wanting to interrupt their day with my meeting. Prior to my arrival, all the notes was communicated via email. Since I arrival, I translated all the information in person increasing our client satisfaction and guaranteeing a record amount of return business. This team had to be navigated with kid's gloves but I was up to the task. “Are we are here?” I asked finally looking up from my laptop to survey the room. 3pm on the dot. I wanted to respect everyone's time. I received a few replies prior to continuing. I scanned the room looking for the familiar faces. One stood out. The new girl. “Hi, I’m Camille.” I said introducing myself to the new female in the group. She smiled. The smile made my heart speed up. What was that? I thought.

     “Hello.” She said standing and extending her hand. “You can all me Red.” I shook her hand. I would call her Daddy if she would let me, I thought. I extended my hand to shake her extended hand.

“Nice to meet you.” I answered trying not to allow the nervousness in my stomach to come through to my voice. When our hands met, my heart sped up. I pulled away and smiled briefly before heading to my notes. We had 8 meeting rooms and 15,000 square feet of meeting space. We were located in Uptown Charlotte which was a growing city and extremely popular for meetings. Although there was a lot of moving parts, the execution of each event was all me. I never left anything to chance. I made sure everything was flawless.

     Like I said, I was career driven, due to the lack of success in my personal life. I was tired of running into the wrong men. My last boyfriend was someone else’s fiance`. I even allowed him to convince me to continue the relationship knowing he had plans to marry someone else. I was so disappointed in myself that I didn’t think enough respect for myself to demand monogamy. I just thought I was happy. Truth is, I continued to settle. So strong in other aspects of my life, I continued to beat myself up over my decision. Especially after she found out and he obviously made a choice to end our relationship so that he could save his relationship with her. Oh well, what did I really expect?

     I started the meeting focusing on some special requests for a couple of days from now. Red asked me a few questions….I smiled inside knowing she was actually focused on what I was saying. The other managers asked me for regular questions, but I was fixated on Red. But why. The meeting ended and I gathered my belongings speaking to everyone as they left. I noticed that Red was still in her seat. I looked up. “Did you have more questions?” I tried to ask casually.

Red stood up and started helping me collect the extra papers. “No. I think you were pretty thorough.” She answered not catching my gaze. I continued to collect the paper work and power down my computer. Red made her way to where I was standing. “I guess these are yours.” She said looking up at me. She was about 3 inches shorter than me so I looked down into her eyes and took the papers from her hands. She touched my hands unnecessarily while hanging me the papers she collected. She smiled as I slowly pulled my hands away. “You ok?” she asked.

     “I’m fine.” I answered not 100% sure if I was actually fine or not. Why was she having this affect on me.

     “I think we should get to know each other better.” She continued licking her lips. My lady parts jumped. What the hell?

     I looked away. “I have a meeting every week. If you have any questions, you can always ask or send emails when you have a chance to review the BEO's.” Was she hitting on me?

     “I like face to face interactions." She said, not breaking her gaze. “It cuts down on any confusion.” She said.

     “Um.” I didn’t know how to reply.

      “Hey. You ready Red?” I heard a voice behind me say. I turned to see a slightly familiar girl looking at Red.

     “Nah, I’m working on something.” Red replied licking her lips again and looking me up and down. The girl laughed.

     “Hi Camille. I’m Layla…one of the servers in the restaurant.” No wonder she looked familiar. I had lunch or dinner in the restaurant at least once a week.

     “Hi Layla.” I said, breaking Red's gaze. “Nice to formally meet you.” I continued finally coming to my senses.

     “ Nice to meet you.” Layla said quickly before turning her attention back to Red who was still standing way to close. I could feel her looking at me. I turned to look at her. She scratched her head and pretended she hadn’t been staring. I laughed. Layla walked over and grabbed Red by the arm dragging her toward the door. “Red, we have to go.” She said.

     Red threw her hand up to say good bye as she allowed herself to be dragged out of the room. As I unplugged my laptop I smiled to myself. What was going on? I needed to get myself under control. Yes. It had been a minute since I had s*x but I had never had s*x with it even kissed a female. Was I so fed up with men that my brain was convincing me I was interested in women? A women that was clearly involved with Layla…or was she? Why doe it matter? You are not going to entertain the bullshit Camille. You have been through enough. My heart tried to convince me to let the situation go. My brain continued to flashback to Red's lip licking that was causing me to second guess my sexuality.

     As soon as I shook the thought out of my head, Red appeared in the doorway. “I forgot something.” She said. She removed the sharpie from the sleeve of her Chef coat and picked up a notepad from the table. She started writing , left handed, on the paper. “This is my number just in case you ever need me for anything.” She tore off the paper and handed it to me. She started to walk away before turning and saying, “call me day….or night.” She laughed and walked out. I stood in the same spot stunned. I was completely embarrassed that I hadn’t manager to mumble a single word thought the whole interaction. Smooth, I thought to myself. Shaking my head I headed to my office.