A Sense of Mate

No Matter What

Esti kept quiet in my head, she just let me cry it out.  I don't understand how everything went so wrong, so quick.  I know one thing, I can't just keep sitting here on the floor.

    "Come on Jessa, move your ass," I tell myself,  and stiffly I get up from the floor and on to my feet.  What am I supposed to do with myself?  I'm just sorta stood here red-nosed and puffy-eyed.  Heading over to the bed seems like a good idea.  Hell, if I can't go downstairs, and I can't talk to anyone, I may as well take a nap and try to forget the events of today.  It's no use though, just because Esti is being quiet the same can't be said of my brain.  It's just replaying all of the conversations.

     The wind whistling through one of the windows grabs my attention, there must be a storm coming in off the ocean.  That whistling is one of my favourite sounds, especially during the night.  Most people would probably get creeped out by it, but not me, I find it soothing.  My room is up in the attic, not only is it the biggest room in the house,  but the round windows up there give the best views.  When we first moved in dad noticed that I spent so much time looking out of them he built me a seating area in each one.  From the front window, you can see the lush dark evergreens of the forest, but from the back of the house, you can see the ocean.  I've often sat at that seat and thought that if this was meant to be a punishment from the Alpha, then he must have f****d up.  I'm pretty sure he would board the windows up if he knew how much pleasure I get from my small-windowed view.

     A soft rap came from the door, " Jessa I'm coming in."  It was Dad.  Finally a sane person!.  If anyone can explain the current madness that is my mother, it's him.  The door opens and the first thing I see is the sandwich,  I hadn't eaten since before the clinic appointment, and my stomach acknowledged this by gurgling. 

    "I knew you'd be hungry," dad says chuckling lightly and walking over to the bed to hand me the plate.  I take it with no objections and begin devouring the ham salad heaven.

    "I know your mom instructed you not to, but we need to talk Jess," he says, his tone changing from light to serious as he sits down in the ocean view alcove.  I gulp down the last bit of sandwich and look over at him,  the eyes that look back are soft and pained.  This couldn't be good.    

    "Did I do something wrong?" I ask, my voice shaky.

    "No sweetheart, you've done nothing wrong".

    "Then why is mom acting like this? I ask him. "Dad, you didn't see her in the car, she looked at me like I was no-one."

    "Jessa you need to understand.."

    "Understand what?" I cut him off.  " Understand that I'm about to turn eighteen, shift into Esti for the first time, oh and develop some sort of ability that I never knew I had.  I think I understand pretty damn well."  I say to him in frustration. 

    "Watch your tone young lady" his eyes darken slightly as he answers me. "Jessa you understand the basics of what's about to happen to you, but you have no idea what's about to happen to us."  Dad's got me there. 

    "At some point, tomorrow Alpha Andrew will either summon us all to the packhouse, or he'll send someone to fetch you." My dad's eyes darken further.  "I know Doc Fhenric told your mom that he'd buy us a day, but he's under forced command to inform the Alpha of all new Specials.  Either way, you will belong to him, we will not exist to you anymore".  I don't think my dad realises that he's growling, and I wince a little at his words.   

    "Your mom is acting the way she is because she's in pain, you're about to be taken from us Jess and there's not one damn f*****g thing we can do about it.  It's easier for her to treat you like nothing and not let Tara see you now because it will hurt them too much.  She's grieving.  Now do you understand?" he shouts at me. 

      "I'm sorry Dad." is all I can muster my voice to say, and he calms a little at my response.

    "Jessa no matter what happens tomorrow you need to promise me that you won't resist.  None of us can or we will all be collared or killed.  Promise me."  There's a pleading in his voice, "I promise dad".

    "Your mom knew when we adopted you that we needed more than just your name and date of birth, but Alpha Graham told us to leave it alone, you were just a baby that needed love".  He said as his eyes returned to their usual moss green colour.                                                                                                                                           "We searched everything we could think of on the internet, nothing.  We even tried to hire a private investigator, but no-one would take our case."  Usually, my dad is fine having deep and meaningful discussions, but as he stands to look out of the window I can see he's uncomfortable.                                            "This is my fault, I convinced Elenor to stop searching and to concentrate on raising you.  I should have known there was more to you than meets the eye Jessa,  but I was selfish, I didn't want to know".  My dad turns to look at me.  "You were perfect and ours."  

    As I let my dad's words sink in a question pops into my mind, and my eyes fill.  "Ask him Jessa", Esti tells me.                      

    "Dad, what am I?"  That one question breaks my dad, he moves from the window to the bed and sits, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and kisses the top of my head.  "You are Jessa Landrik, you are my daughter and I love you no matter what. Remember that".

    We sit in our side hug for a few minutes before my dad jumps up off the bed and reaches into his back pocket.  "I almost forgot, in case I don't get to give this to you tomorrow", he places a small black velvet pouch into my hand.  I open the small bag and let the contents fall into my hand.  It's a dainty gold chained bracelet, and as I attach it I notice there's a small inscription with the words 'No Matter What '.  I didn't notice that my dad had walked towards the doorway, I look up at him just in time to hear him say  "Happy Birthday Jess." and the door closed.