Then, Now, Me

Chapter 9: Now

The car ride to the church is awkward and quiet. Jem seems calm and looks over occasionally to smile kindly at me. I sense underlying uncertainty, though.

I mean, really, what has this turned into? Is it an overly long date at this point? And if so, what kind of date proceeds to a church service the morning after?

I"m mulling over these thoughts, when Jem finally says to me, "So, this church isn"t really what you"ve probably experienced before." He pauses and goes on to explain, "I grew up Greek Orthodox, and I think you said you were Catholic?"

I nod my head in response and continue to listen.

"Well, this place is nowhere near as fancy," he says with a chuckle. "I just really love the pastor and his family. They really are the best people, and have helped me a lot in the past." He looks over at me, "I think you"ll like them."

"Okay, sure," I say, not knowing at all what to expect.

"Really, it"s just good music and a good sermon," Jem explains, almost defensively, with a shrug. "It"s not for everyone, but I like it."

The more he continues to elaborate, the more nervous I get. It"s church, right? What could be so different about it?

And yet, it is.

The room is small and modest. The music is blasting and surprisingly modern. People don"t seem to be subdued, with their bodies stiff and poised, like I"m used to at a Catholic church. They seem joyful and carefree. It"s different and a little weird, but I keep an open mind.

Jem leads me right up to the front, which I don"t expect. As we sit down, he leans over and says, "I have a bit of ADD, and the less distractions between me and the front, the better."

My attention goes to the front and I allow myself to fall into the music. There are guitars, a drum set, singers, a keyboardist, and even a guy on a set of sound effects instruments that reminds me vaguely of the d**k Van Dyke character in Mary Poppins. I smile at the thought.

"What are you smiling about?" Jem asks, looking over at me.

I laugh, embarrassed. "Oh, nothing. I like the music."

"Yeah, isn"t it great?" he asks back, and raises his hand to quickly wave at someone across the aisle.

The music slowly comes to a close, and what appears to be the pastor comes to the front. He engages his audience with laid back familiarity, and I can already sense a deep emotional and intellectual intelligence about him. He"s a unique balance of intellect and relatability that I would guess is invaluable as a pastor.

As I listen to the sermon, I find myself fully immersed in his words. In the Catholic church - even as an adult - I can barely register what the priest is saying. I never feel like I"m able to connect with the message and leave without really understanding the point. It doesn"t exactly make me want to go back the following week, truth be told. Maybe I just never found the right church over the years. But this guy really connects the message from the Bible to real life. It"s refreshing and, as someone who loves analyzing literature, fully engages my mind in an energizing way.

At one point, I look at Jem out of the corner of my eye and notice his arms crossed. The fingers of his hand peek out from behind his elbow and I hesitate before attempting to touch his fingers. As I"m doing this, however, his fingers curl back as if jolting back from an electric shock. He doesn"t look back at me, but appears to tighten his jaw while closing his hand into a fist.

Hmm, I think, dismayed and a little humiliated. I guess that was a bad move.

OOOOO

The service ends and I find that I kind of enjoyed myself. It was easy to listen to the sermon and the music really was unexpectedly good. Jem stands up and says, "Come on, I want to introduce you to the pastor."

We walk up as the pastor is speaking to a couple in front of us. When he sees, first Jem, and then me, his face lights up and he excuses himself from the couple with hugs for both.

"Jem, my friend, good to see you!" says the pastor, with an enthusiasm that doesn"t seem at all manufactured. He turns to me and asks, "And who is this beautiful lady?"

Jem gestures to me with a quick jerk of his head - careful not to touch me, I notice - and says, "Lukas, this is Beth."

Lukas reaches out for my hand and says, "Lovely to meet you Beth."

Surprisingly, Jem goes on, "Beth has been through a lot in the past year. I thought maybe she"d want to talk with you a little about it."

My eyes widen, not quite expecting this, but not dreading it either. Lukas exudes warmth and a nurturing vibe that isn"t unwelcome.

Lukas laughs, I think because he notices my expression. I"ve been known to be a terrible actress. "Let"s make sure that"s okay with Beth first, shall we, Jeremias?"

Jem, for the first time since I"ve met him, blushes and says, "Well, yeah, of course." He turns to me again, "That okay? I kinda want to go talk to the drummer anyway."

I smile, "That"s fine. Go ahead." And that"s all it takes for him to head off toward the instruments.

"Shall we?" Lukas signals toward a couple seats in front.

OOOOO

Before I know it, tears are pouring down my face, telling my story. I"m not sure how to hide the emotion, as Jem"s eyes fall on mine from his seat behind the drum set.

"Oh, dear," Lukas says with sympathy. "You really have been through a lot."

I laugh, "Yes, indeed."

"May I pray with you before you go?" Lukas asks gently, offering his hand.

Having never experienced this before, I can only mumble a brief, "Of course," and lay my hand in his.

While he prays, I"m amazed at how much he understands my situation without even sharing all of the details. It"s cathartic in a similar way to speaking to a therapist - an experience I definitely know a lot about - but it"s different with this spiritual piece. As a Catholic, I grew up praying, so that part isn"t unusual. What really is unusual, though, is the sincerity I hear behind Lukas" words.

He wraps up his prayer and asks, "May I give you a hug?"

I laugh again, in kind of hysterical relief, "Yeah, sure."

We hug, and he introduces me to his wife, his kids. Jem was right: they really are tremendously kind-hearted people. Jem senses that we"re wrapping up, and walks over casually. He keeps his head down, in what appears to be his attempt at giving me some space. Lukas, sensing this bit of discomfort, says to Jem, "Hey, buddy, are you guys coming over for lunch?"

Jem doesn"t seem surprised by this question. "Nah, man. I think we"re going to head out." He turns to me, "Whaddya say?"

"Sounds good to me."

Before we walk away, Lukas gives Jem a loaded look. I may be somewhat naive, but I know that look when I see it. It"s a mix of, "What are you doing?" with the added tone of, "Be good."

I mentally catalogue this look along with Jem"s reaction. He nods, looking serious and properly admonished. Immediately this makes me wonder if I"m one of many girls he"s brought to church, and if perhaps this isn"t as unique of an experience as I"ve been led to believe. Suddenly the action of Jem jerking his hand away from mine - while sitting in full view of the pastor - is starting to make more sense. I feel my eyebrows raise in emerging understanding.

Aloud, Lukas says, "Beth, it was so wonderful to meet you. I hope we see more of you around here - right Jeremias?"

Grabbing his bottle of water, Jem grins and says in a way I can"t decipher, "Absolutely."