Come Back To Me

Chapter One: Vaughan

I LOWERED MY head and brushed my fingers through my hair. Staci, my roommate, pushed a plate full of pancakes in front of me, but I couldn’t stand the thought of eating. 

The last two weeks have been hell and I felt like I was living on autopilot. Maybe because I was. 

“You need to eat, Vaughan,” admonished Staci. I ignored the hint of concern in her voice and grumbled an incoherent response. When I looked up Staci’s worried stare met mine. Her green eyes were somewhat pleading, but I ignored that too. We’d been living together for just over a year, and when she showed up on my doorstep all those months ago I never thought I’d come to think of her as a friend. Her blonde hair was trimmed into a pixie cut, with the ends dyed light blue. With her long, tanned legs, she looked like she’d stepped off a runway. But after the first week of living with her I realized she was anything other than prissy. She was the lead singer in a local band and had a wicked talent for playing base guitar, but beneath that ‘rock chic’ exterior was a heart of gold. A big one. “I’m not hungry.” I rubbed my hands down my face. I needed to shave, but mustering up enough energy to do much of anything of late was a challenge. It was getting on Staci’s nerves, she’d been making comments here and there, but she couldn’t even begin to understand what I’d been through. She didn’t know about the dreams, the way my mind was constantly replaying the events of that night over and over, and over again, until it made me physically ill. I hadn’t stepped foot in the rink in two weeks and missed a few off season training sessions, yet I doubted Coach Davis even cared. He was dealing with just as much as I was, except it was difficult to imagine he is was eaten up by guilt as I was. Jackson tried phoning me but I declined every call, unable to bring myself to speak to him. He had every right to lash out at me, and I would have welcomed it if I’d thought anything he had to say would be worse than what I’d been calling myself for the last ten days. 

Ten days.

That’s how long it had been, and yet it felt like no time had passed at all. It still felt like I was at the hospital, waiting to hear from the doctors, or anyone really, who could tell me about Kenzi, about whether or not she was – 

I shook my head. 

No. 

I didn’t want to think about that. I couldn’t.

“Too bad,” said Staci. “You’ve barely eaten, and God knows when the last time was you saw the inside of a shower. I’m staging an intervention. As your friend I won’t sit by and watch you do this to yourself.”

She nudged the plate closer, and then set a freshly brewed cup of coffee next to my elbow. “Please, Vaughan. Do you think Kenzi would want you to be punishing yourself this way?” I straightened on my bar stool, glaring. “You don’t know what Kenzi would want, and there’s no way for her to f*****g tell you is there?” Staci folded her tatted arms across her chest and fixed me with a hard stare – a stare that has made grown men buckle. Still, it didn’t scare me. “I’ve been around the two of you long enough to know how much she adores you, and I can say with absolute certainty that if she were here right now she would kick your ass for not taking better care of yourself. Since we’re still waiting for her to wake up I’m going to kick your ass on her behalf, until she can do it herself. Now eat those f*****g pancakes and take a shower.” My shoulders slumped forward. “You don’t know that she’s going to wake up, Stac.” She relaxed and came forward, leaning her forearms on the kitchen counter in front of me. “She’s going to wake, Vaughan. Her coma is medically induced. The doctors are optimistic about her condition –”

“How do you know?” I barked, feeling my brows draw into a scowl. Staci bit her lip and muttered, ‘s**t’ under her breath.

“How do you know that?” I pressed. 

“I spoke to Jackson. You weren’t taking his calls, so I called him. He’s worried about you and said you haven’t been to the hospital at all.”

That was a lie, but I was too annoyed about the fact that she’d been speaking to Jackson behind my back to correct her. I’d been at the hospital a few times, but made sure to go when there was no chance of bumping into Kenzi’s family. After the accident, her oldest brother Connor – a neurologist at Blackburn Community Hospital – decided to put Kenzi in a medically induced coma to help with the swelling on her brain, and he’d told us she was lucky to be alive. The impact from the other vehicle should have been enough to kill her. Connor, along with a few other doctors, were surprised that Kenzi only suffered a head trauma when almost anyone else would have died. I didn’t care how she survived it, I simply cared that she had.

Now if she would just wake up. 

“I don’t think her family would want me there,” I replied with a shrug. “Figured they blame me for what happened.” Staci shook her head and looked at me as if I’d gone crazy. “They don’t blame you. It’s not like you forced Kenzi to get into your truck knowing some drunk asshole was going to skip a red light.”

I sighed. She was right of course, but it didn’t negate the sense of responsibility consuming me. 

“Doesn’t change the fact that she’s in a coma, and might never regain consciousness.”

Staci threw her hands up and huffed in exasperation. “Enough! You’re done beating yourself up and feeling sorry for yourself. Eat, take a shower, and go to the rink. Time to pull your head out of your ass, Vaughan.”

I glowered. “I’m not feeling sorry for myself, I’m just –”

“You’re just what? Sitting here waiting for better days?” My jaw tightened and I looked away, afraid that I would say something out of anger that I’d end up regretting. Staci simply didn’t understand and I didn’t expect her to, but having her speak to me like what I was going through was as simple as a ‘bad break up’ rubbed me the wrong way. “I care about you,” she continued, “and I know you’re hurting but it’s been almost two weeks, it’s time you got back to your life. Kenzi will wake up, but until then you can’t put your life on hold. It doesn’t work that way.” Instead of coming up with an excuse, because she was right again, I pulled the plate closer to me and stuck a forkful of pancakes into my mouth. The moan that escaped couldn’t be contained, because I was starving and it had been days since I’d eaten a decent meal. Staci watched, sipping her own coffee, and did little to hide her smug grin. Despite the fact that we got on each other’s nerves more often than not, she was a good friend, and I needed one of those. I polished off the pancakes in record time and already felt a little more like myself. I looked at Staci when she removed my empty plate, gripping her wrist before she could turn away. “Thanks, Stac. I mean it.”

Her expression became sad, but her lips lifted into a soft smile. “I’m always happy to kick your ass. That’s what friends are for.” I gave her a rueful shake of my head and left the kitchen to take a shower. When the hot water hit me between the shoulders the tension began to ease from my muscles, allowing my mind to go blank long enough to get a reprieve. Staci was right. If Kenzi had to see me like this, she would no doubt kick my ass and tell me to get my s**t together. It was one of many things I’d grown to love about her. I promised myself that when she regained consciousness I wouldn’t waste another minute keeping how I felt about her to myself, and shut off the water. I opted out of shaving my face knowing that Kenzi liked my stubble, and changed into some clean clothes courtesy of Staci. More guilt washed over me when I realized she’d been taking care of things while I wallowed, including the washing and grocery shopping. Grabbing my keys, I shoved my wallet into my jean pocket, pulled my dark gray sweater on with my black beanie, and headed out. My truck was a write off, and while waiting on the insurance company to pay out I was using a rental. The lights of my dark blue Ford Focus blinked when I unlocked the doors, and I climbed in, blasting the heater as soon as the door shut. I had to move the seat all the way back, being used to the size of my truck, and pulled out of the covered parking in our apartment complex. University Village was a short drive from campus, and from where my little brother lives with our deadbeat parents. Blackburn University wasn’t my first choice, but they had a Division I Ice Hockey team, and it was close to Daniel, so rather than skipping town like I’d planned, I stayed and made it work. I only had one year left before graduation, and until eighteen months ago I had my sights set on going pro in the NHL. But after tearing the inner cartilage of my knee, that dream had to be shelved indefinitely. I was devastated, but I came up with a new plan and with the help of Coach Davis, I got the assistant Coach position for the university. I was planning a long and successful career in Sports Management after graduation, so either way it looked like was going to be in Blackburn for awhile. A year ago I would have hated the thought, but after meeting Kenzi the idea of staying was far more appealing. Strange how quickly things change when you met the right person. I tapped out a nervous beat on my steering wheel while driving to campus. Classes for our summer session start tomorrow and it was no surprise to see how many students stayed in town to attend. Fortunately I hadn’t missed any school work, but I didn’t know what to expect when I walked through the state-of-the-art sports centre and into the rink. The guys were messing around on the ice, and when they saw me walk in they yelled out ‘hello’s’. I responded with a wave. Jackson walked out of the locker room, his step faltering when he spotted me. “It’s about time you showed up,” he said. “Coach isn’t too happy with you for missing practices.”

I tucked my hands into my jean pockets and rocked forward. “I’m sure he’s not happy with me for a whole lot more than that.” Jackson didn’t reply. The atmosphere between us became awkwardly thick. He looked back toward the locker room and then turned his attention back to me, his brows knitted. “Practice is almost over.” Something about his words and his stance made me uneasy. “I was hoping to talk to Coach.” He let out a breath, and I got the distinct impression he was nervous about something. He mumbled a ‘fine’ and then started back towards the locker room. I followed him, greeting my teammates along the way. Some of them threw me sympathetic glances – I’m sure they knew all about me and Kenzi – and others glanced at me with caution. I tried not to read anything into it, but when Jackson hesitated in front of Coach Davis’ office door, the feeling that something was going on didn’t escape me. He knocked and opened the door just enough for him to stick his head in. I heard Coach Davis’ gruff baritone coming from the inside. “Let him in.” Jackson stepped out of the way, and as soon as I was standing in front of Coach Davis’ desk he shut the door.  “King.” Coach stood, dwarfing the desk with his burly stature, and stretched out his hand. I shook it, wondering why he was being so … cordial. It was stiff, and so unlike him. Granted, the man wasn’t the warm and fuzzy type, but the only other time I’d seen him so curt was at our last alumni function. It was weird.

“Coach.”

“You come here to explain why I haven’t seen you at practice lately?”

“I didn’t think I’d need to explain. After everything…”

After a beat Coach walked around his desk, stopping in front of me. “I will overlook your absence, but I expect you here like everyone else, from tomorrow. You’ve missed enough practices. We need to get the team ready for the upcoming season.”

“That’s it?” I asked, unable to hide my incredulity. “That’s all you’re going to say?”

Coach rested his hands on his hips, a move he made when he was irritated or impatient. “Was there something else you wanted me to say?”

Was he serious?

“Are you going to make me ask about her, Coach? Or just pretend it never happened?”

Coach’s lips formed a thin line, his expression both grim and aggrieved. He was about to respond, with something about Kenzi I hoped, but snapped his mouth shut when his office door swung open. 

“Daddy? You in here?”

My head whipped around and I froze, afraid that if I moved I’d wake up from what had to be a dream. “Kenzi?” I lunged forward and Kenzi stepped back just as Coach Davis grabbed the back of my sweater. In a matter of seconds Jackson was there, pulling Kenzi behind him. I turned to look at Coach. “What the f**k?” He frowned, probably at my language, but right then I wanted a damn explanation. “She’s awake and you didn’t bother telling me?” The last time I saw her she was still in a coma; that was a good few days ago. Coach wanted to say something, but when he simply shook his head at me in dismissal I disentangled myself from his grasp, and stormed out of his office. Jackson was guarding Kenzi, who peered at me from behind her brother. The look in her eyes unnerved me, but not enough to overshadow the relief I felt. She was alive. My girl was alive. But why was Jackson standing in front of her like a bouncer? A few of the other guys filtered in, and when Liam and Aiden saw me they took hastened steps, walking awkwardly in their skates. 

“What’s going on?” asked Liam, looking between me, Coach Davis, and Jackson. “You okay, Squirt?”

That was directed at Kenzi – her brothers had called her Squirt all her life. She absolutely hated it. 

“I’m fine,” she replied. The sound of her voice made me want to fall to my knees. I thought I would never get to hear it again, and seeing her in front of me, f**k, it was doing crazy things to my insides. I just wanted to touch her, make sure she was real, look into those baby blues and feel her. “Kenzi.” Her name fell from my lips in praise. I stepped forward, but again I was stopped. Aiden halted my movement with his damn stick. I expected his expression to be murderous, but instead all I saw was pity. “Don’t,” he mumbled, giving me a slight shake of his head. “Why did no one bother telling me she’s awake?” I struggled to keep the emotion from my voice, a mixture of anger and betrayal. I knew Kenzi’s family would blame me. Hell, I  had been blaming myself, but I didn’t expect them to keep something so huge from me.  Aiden looked at Coach, a silent message passing between them, and then dropped his stick. I was too confused by what was going on to move, so I stared at Kenzi, wondering if she was nothing more than a figment of my imagination. Something in my gut told me it was real, it was happening, and with Kenzi’s next words my world was once again left shattered and dead.

 “Daddy, who is this?”