My Mocking Shadow

Aarav - My Sin

I am seated in my study, behind my desk, typing so aggressively that I am afraid I am going to break the keys of my laptop but I need it – I need the constant ‘TAP’ ‘TAP’ ‘TAP’ ‘TAP’ of the keys to drown her sniffles. She is a ghost, a mere shadow who lurks in the darkness, awaiting me. She seeks me out to torment me, to remind me of my sin, my crime, my betrayal.

She takes different forms to mock me.

Despite knowing that she isn't real, I can't avoid her.

Tonight she has taken Shiya's form. She is sitting in the corner of the room in a thin, old night gown, her arms wrapped around her frail knees that are pulled tightly against her chest.

A couple of lamps are lit on my table. The room is completely silent except for her soft and occasional whimpers and the constant ‘TAP’ of my keys.

I reach for the glass of water and my hands are literally trembling.

“Why?” She suddenly mumbles and I am so startled that the glass almost slips from my fingers. Almost.

I don't answer her.

Shiya was my mistress- was I say because she is dead now, dead and buried ten feet under.

I murdered her.

It's strange how exciting everything was initially and how quickly everything went down the drain once I realized my mistake.

She stares silently at me with red-rimmed and accusing blue eyes. Her cheeks are sunken.

I feel so helpless. I don't know what to do. Why did I do it? I have no answer. I could say that I was drunk on that unfortunate day but that would be irrelevant. I can handle my liquor well.

It was my mistake, a mistake I did quite consciously, a mistake that has eventually led to this mess and I am paying for it now. I shall pay for it until I take my last breath.

Initially it was all about the thrill of doing something forbidden. I wanted to taste the forbidden fruit and so I did. That she was lovely and beautiful and willing was just an icing on the cake.

Aashi, my lovely wife never knew what was happening right under her nose. I was such a fool to think that I was fooling her. I didn't know that I was entangling myself in a deadly web until it was too late.

Mom always used to say ‘what we sow, we shall reap’. I should have heard her. Mothers are almost always right. I have ruined everything with my own hands.

“Why?” She sobs out, her eyes damp. Her tears have left a black trail of her eyeliner on her cheeks. I feel so numb. I didn't want this. I didn't want blood on my hands. It was just supposed to be a one off. It wasn't supposed to lead to this.

TRING

TRING

TRING

TRING

The abrupt and loud sound of my mobile phone distracts me and I reach for it with quivering fingers.

When I stare at the name of the caller, my heart starts beating rapidly. It’s Samaira, Shiya’s twin sister. I lick my lips and rub the sweat off my forehead. I asked her not to call me when I was home with Aashi. What does she want now? I told her that I needed a few days.

“Why are you calling me right now?” I hiss furiously, trying to intimidate her.

“You are in no position to ask things of me, sweetheart. I hope you remember what I am capable of doing.“

“Shut up.” I growl.

“Maybe I should just call her up. Have a little chat – you know- maybe I should show the evidences to the police too. “

“Li- li-listen. I need some time to think. Pl-please. I don't have that kind of money on me right now.”

I hear the sound of a chair being dragged and a chuckle before she murmurs, “I would be quick if I were you.”

“Why are you doing this? I am sure Shiya won't have wanted this. I-“

“Spare me the drama all right. Don't presume to know what my sister wanted. See you around.” She hangs off and I almost throw my phone away. Almost.

I freeze when I realize that the sniffles are gone. I turn around very slowly and as expected, she is not there anymore.

She has gone. I slump on the edge of the bed and cover my face with my hands.

“Aarav.” I almost jump in shock when I hear Aashi's soft voice. She has prepared a special meal for me tonight. We weren't together on my birthday this time. So she decided to celebrate today. She loves me so much.

Suddenly, I hear someone laughing and I turn my face around to stare right into the brown eyes of Samaira. They are twins but there is a noticeable difference between them. Unlike Shiya's soft face, Samaira's is cunning and shrewd. I despise her from the deepest core of my heart.

“I detest you.” I hiss, “Leave me alone.”

She winks before disappearing in thin air. I stare helplessly at the spot.

“Aarav, who are you talking to?” Aashi calls from the kitchen.

“No-one.”

“I sent Clara to call Shipra and you for dinner. She told me that you were talking to someone.” She replies.

“Ah! It was – it was Ankit from office. I am just coming down.” I answer and take a couple of deep breathes before wiping sweat off my face and heading towards the dining room. The menu is supposed to be a surprise. I can't spoil this for her. I paste a huge smile on face, wishing that she doesn't see through it and walk out of the room.

I must- I simply must find some way to tell her but it can wait for the time being.

TBC