Conflicted Love

Discoveries

I searched the woods for a few hours, stopping every now and then to catch my breath, sniff the air carefully for any scent other than mine and send out a howl. Hoping that Felix would hear it and decide to find me, or let himself be found, it was often returned by a very distant howl that I knew belonged to Jasper. It tugged at my already strained heartstrings that he struggled to completely let me go; I assumed he was tracking my movements using my howls, because he was worried for my safety - or because he was worried I was going to choose Felix. But I had to keep going. This was my mess and I had to clear it up.

I had paused once more by a small, fast-running stream for a drink when I heard a small twig c***k close by and pricked my ears. Raising the hair slightly on my back and issuing a small, quiet growl, I paused to listen for any further movement. Leaves rustled. Paws flattened moss. Fur snagged a little on the edge of a nearby bramble thicket.

You're a bit sloppy in your stalking there, Felix, I attempted to diffuse the situation with a bit of teasing.

A jet black wolf with piercing blue eyes emerged from the undergrowth, Unfortunately, I haven't eaten much since the night before yesterday and I have run so much, I am weak.

I felt even worse. So you mean me no harm? I asked.

Of course not, princess. I would have revealed myself sooner, but in your stronger state, you were difficult to catch up with.

I whined and shook myself gently, I need to apologise, Felix. It is my fault you took off. I wish to make it right. I'd like to speak at length with you, but given your weak state, I will first invite you back to the Alpha house for a hot meal and a shower, if you'd like.

Normally, I would refuse on principle, the pitch black wolf answered, But I am very interested in conversing with you and feel particularly weak. So I will take you up on your generous offer, if you'd be so kind as to show me the way. My senses aren't at full strength. The black wolf pushed one fore leg slightly forward and bent the knee of the other, lowering his head in respect. After all that had gone on, this was not quite the response I was expecting from him.

We trotted through the woods together, his black fur appearing duller as time passed, if that was even possible. He seemed hugely drained and I felt lower than ever. We reached the edge of the tree line and my smoky grey fur glinted in the light of the sunset as I scouted the open crop field.

Wait here. I'll alert the Alpha house and the scouts that I've found you, ensure you safe passage inside. I'll get the kitchen onto a nice steak dinner and arrange one of the guest rooms to be prepared. I won't be long, I assured him.

I bolted the length of the field quickly and phased back into a human as I reached my front garden. I waltzed straight in the house and grabbed a robe from the substantial collection hanging by the door before finding my father. I found my father in his office, quickly explained the situation and headed out front again, flanked by two warrior wolves. We might not need them as much as our ancestors did, but it was still common sense to train them.

Come across, Felix. We're watching for you. A hot meal, a room and a change of clothes are waiting.

The warriors and I watched as the black wolf limped his way across the field. Had I been strong enough to carry him, I would have. I heard a not-so-distant howl again. Jasper must be keeping an eye on what was happening. He'd see Felix entering the house, or at least smell him. I couldn't worry about that now. Felix needed help, and he deserved answers.

I held up a robe as he phased back to a human outside the front door. He took it gratefully and the warriors stood down. His stunning eyes had lost the glint I saw in them before and he looked very pale... and yet, as we walked through my front door, I felt that now familiar warmth and electricity in my body. The pairing bond was still strong with him as well as Jasper, so this wasn't going to be easy.

"The kitchen is going to be a little while cooking your dinner, so here," I held out a key with a number three tag on it, "Head to this guest room, have a shower and get into some clean clothes and I'll see you shortly." He reached out for the key, but also took my hand in both of his, kissed the back of mine gently and uttered that he was very grateful, before heading up to the room. My skin burned pleasantly where he had touched it.

~*~

Picking at a sandwich and sipping a glass of water, I watched as Felix devoured a ten ounce steak, minted new potatoes, cabbage, carrots, broccoli and gravy, as well as three glasses of water. I thought I was a bit hungry after a few hours of running... Felix was ravenous.

I offered him second helpings, but he politely declined, "I'd love that, princess, but I also know we have much to discuss and I don't wish to deny you that any longer." He managed a small smile.

I started with the basics, "Where have you been, Felix?"

"In rogue territory," he sighed, "I stuck to the edges, trying to avoid attracting too much attention, but out of the pack limits to avoid the scouts and trackers. I didn't want to be found."

"Why not?"

"I was hurting too much," he looked me in the eye for a moment, but quickly looked away again, "You know how the pair bond works, Erin. You may not have accepted me as your mate, but as far as my mind, body and soul are concerned, you are mine. When I saw Jasper and thought he was forcing himself on you, I was full of rage. But then you defended him and it immediately turned into the worst pain I have ever felt."

I winced as his words cut through me and he looked up, "See? You know you have hurt me and it hurts you too. That's how the pair bond works. So when the one person I care most for in the whole world hurt me so badly, I needed to get away."

"I'm sorry, Felix," my voice was barely a whisper, "I didn't mean to hurt you. My mind was all over the place and I gave in to the sudden closeness with Jasper. Since getting some space, I have told him that I am not willing to choose between you until I know you both better."

"I am not blind, princess," he stated, his deep voice like molten chocolate, "I am aware that I may be too late. Whatever trick Jasper is pulling, it is already working on you."

Despite myself, I bristled at his words. Did he think me a fool? I shook the notion off. Young I may be, but I was not as naïve as most girls my age.

"Neither do I think you a fool," he continued. A shiver ran down my spine as he spoke and I couldn't help a small but sharp intake of breath at the goosebumps which sprang up all over my body at his choice words. The slightest softening of his eyes was all that gave away the fact that he had noticed my reaction, "I am not here to cause you any upset, princess, that is why I stayed away - until you came looking for me. If you knew, deep down, that your heart and soul truly and without argument belonged to Jasper, you would not have come looking for me... You would have spared him the heartache of watching you do so."

My heart clenched once again at his words and my palms began to sweat. I gritted my teeth before opening my mouth slightly to take a breath. Felix was watching me intensely and it heightened all of my senses. Like with Jasper, I could feel the electric connection between us crackling through the air. I didn't like the fact that he seemed to know what was happening to my body better than I did, but I could not deny the fact. I was way out of my depth and had no solid idea of what I should do next.

"I'll spare you the heartache right now, my dear, and retire to my room. Once again I thank you and your family for your kindness and hospitality. Should you wish to speak further, you know where to find me. Otherwise, I shall return home tomorrow."

With that, Felix rose from the table and pushed in his chair at the same time as giving me a small, respectful bow and backed out of the dining room, which all of a sudden felt huge and overwhelming. I choked a little, tears pricking at the edges of my eyes. Staring down at the table with a fair amount of anger, I growled low in my throat at the last couple of days. I'd never growled as a human before and it took me by surprise.

I shook my head and headed upstairs. I had a lot to process and no idea how to go about it. Plus, I had to face school tomorrow and all of my peers that had been at the party, seen the chaos that unfolded and heard all of the whispers of half-truths that had no doubt happened since. A million different scripts had likely been played out amongst them by now and the fact that the Alpha's daughter couldn't even come of age without drama would be on everyone's lips.

I quickly changed into my pyjamas and threw myself heavily onto my bed, feeling that attempting to sleep was futile before I even tried.