When I Stopped Loving You

Chapter five

“I’ll be right out!!” he yelled, then the knocking stopped.

“Do you still want to leave?” Kilian asked the question as though it was a do or die affair, and that was because it was. I looked up at him, my fingers twisting into the hem of the oversized hoodie. The room suddenly felt smaller, like the walls were leaning in to hear my answer.

“Yes,” I said quickly..then hesitated. Do i?

“But there’re… a lot of people outside,” I whispered. But the real reason was because I didn’t want to see Jacob, I didn't want him to know I had been in his cousin’s room.

Or worse…wearing his cousin’s clothes. The thought made my chest tighten.

But why did I care? Jacob was married now.

He wouldn't even care.. Or would he?

I repeated that to myself like a warning. Like a rule I wasn’t allowed to break. And yet, the idea of him misunderstanding the situation made my stomach churn in a way that felt unfair and almost humiliating.

Kilian studied me for a long moment, like he was reading all the things I refused to say out loud. If only he knew the truth, the pain buried under all this stubbornness.

“You shouldn’t leave the room,” he said finally. “And you shouldn’t open the door.” he said, but that was it… something inside me bristled immediately.

“I’m leaving,” I said, firmer now. “You were the one that brought me here in the first place. If you really wanted to help me you would have taken me to a hospital or something… not the goddamn palace…so, You don’t get to decide when I go.”

The words came out sharper than I intended, but I didn’t take them back. I couldn’t. I was tired of being moved around, hidden, protected without permission. What was it with the men in this family and their need to keep me tucked away like something fragile item…or worse, something secret?

Jacob had done it too… always shielding. Always choosing for me. Always hiding me all in the name of protecting me and for our ‘future’ crap.

Now, look where that has gotten me.

Kilian’s jaw tightened, but instead of arguing, he stepped back slightly and lifted his hands in surrender.

“Fine,” he said evenly. “If you want to be stubborn, do as you like.. It was my mistake.. I should have left you out there for any pervert to see and take advantage of… you ungrateful….” he held himself, shutting his eyes as he exhaled.

I crossed my arms, bracing myself.

“But,” he continued calmly, “close my door properly behind you.. I don't want anyone knowing you came out of ‘my’ bedroom.”

I went quiet… I had to be…

Not because I agreed…but because he had hit something I didn’t want to admit. The image of walking past a crowd, whispers following me, eyes lingering, assumptions forming… my face burned just thinking about it.

Kilian watched my silence carefully.

Understanding dawned in his expression.

“You don’t want a scene and neither do i… so why don't we help each other here and we can both be rid of one another” he said softly.

Just like Jacob.. They say they want to help you but make you feel bad for it.. I blame my soft heart and I hated that he was right.

He exhaled slowly, the tension easing from his shoulders. “Alright,” he said. “You can have a proper bath. Change into anything you want from my wardrobe.”

I blinked, surprised.

“On my way back,” he added, “I’ll get you proper clothes. And food. Then I’ll help you leave…quietly.”

The way he said it quietly told me he understood more than I had explained. He knew it wasn’t just about leaving….it was about avoiding eyes, whispers, conclusions I wasn’t ready to face.

He paused, glancing at me as if waiting for permission rather than assuming it.

“Is that okay?”

For a moment, I didn’t trust my voice.

So I nodded. Just once.

He gave a short nod in return, then turned toward his dresser to change.

I told myself to look away. I really did try… But my eyes betrayed me.

As he pulled on a shirt, his back came into view.

Broad. Strong. Not exaggerated, not showy—just solid in a way that suggested quiet power. There were faint scars scattered across his skin, barely noticeable unless you looked closely, like stories written in a language I didn’t understand yet. His muscles moved naturally as he dressed, effortless, like strength was simply a part of him, not something he tried to prove.

I felt my breath hitch, uninvited.

There was something about the way he moved that made it impossible to forget he wasn’t just another man walking through my life.

I swallowed hard. What is wrong with me?

I pressed my lips together, embarrassed with myself. After everything, after Jacob, after the heartbreak, after the humiliation..this was the last thing I needed. Another distraction. Another dangerous awareness.

I slapped my cheeks lightly, shaking my head.

Men are going to be the end of me, I thought bitterly.

I turned away quickly, heading toward the bathroom before my thoughts could betray me any further. The warm water helped..grounded me. As steam filled the room, I leaned my forehead against the tiled wall and closed my eyes.

I wasn’t ready for any of this.

Not the secrets and definitely not whatever storm I felt gathering just beneath my skin.

When I stepped out, wrapped in borrowed clothes that smelled faintly like him, the room was quiet again.

Too quiet.

The door was still closed. He was gone and for the first time since I woke up, a strange thought crept into my mind…uninvited and unsettling.

What if leaving wasn’t the hardest part? What if staying was?

Before I could decide which frightened me more, the door handle turned..and everything inside me went still…my mind began to spin and my heart …doing what it knows best.. Began pounding.