My Full-time Servant/Lover

XI. This Beau is a Pig

Today is a little cloudy but it doesn't seem to rain any time soon. Though it's not a hot day, Xu Zhengming's sweat is dripping down across his face.

It's been almost half an hour since he left the imperial kitchen to get his majesty's food but until now, he's still on the way to the emperor's hall. Or rather, he's still figuring out where exactly is he and in which direction is his place of destination.

The food in the tray he's holding has long been cold.

Good thing, he saw a maid passing nearby. He quickly headed towards the young lady.

"Good day, miss. Are you in a hurry?" And the great Xu Zhengming shows off his killer smile again. It seems it became an involuntary reflex whenever he sees a young lady of his age.

"No. What is it, Mr. Eunuch?" The maid casually asks.

"Young miss, are you lost?" He winks at her which made the young lady subconsciously take a step backward. She looks at him with a puzzled expression filling all over her face. "Of course not."

"Ah, that's good. That's good." He said. By now, he realized that this is not the right time to hit on someone. It's almost lunchtime and the emperor still hasn't eaten his breakfast yet.

"I have to go. This maid bids you a good day." The young maiden took a couple of steps away only to be stopped again by this eunuch.

"Wait, miss." The maid turns her head to look at Xu Zhengming, waiting for his next words.

He continues, "The thing is... I'm lost. Can you tell me where the emperor's hall is?"

"Oh." The maid finally realized that this silly eunuch is actually lost. She asks, "Are you new here?"

"Yes." He answered.

"You serve under the emperor?" She asks once more. Xu Zhengming nods his head to confirm.

Then a wicked smile draws on the maid's lips. "So you're the one who seduced the emperor?!"

Now, it's Xu Zhengming's turn to be surprised. So this gossip about him is still around?!

"What? No! How could I? We're both men!"

The maid added, "It was said that you're a cut-sleeve."

"What the fu--- It's not like that. Trust me." Xu Zhengming thought it's useless to explain himself. People will think what they want to think. He sighs and asks in low spirits, "Can you please tell me where is the emperor's hall?"

"Oh, yes." The maid giggles. "You already walk past the hall. Turn around, see that exceptionally huge hall over there? That's it."

"Ah? It seems I didn't notice it earlier. Thank you, miss." He slightly bows his head to show his gratitude.

On the other hand, the maid waves her hand. "Don't mention it. Take care of the emperor, Mr. Eunuch." She teases him for the last time before going on her own way.

"Ugh, seriously, I am no other than the great Xu Zhengming! I am famous among the young maidens. Women will line up for me and even chase me." He mumbled onto himself. "With my good-looking face, it's more acceptable if his majesty will go after me rather than I, going after him. That's ridiculous! I'm f*****g straight!"

***

"Your majes---"

"Where have you been?!"

Xu Zhengming didn't even finish the call. The moment he stepped into the hall, Yin Renshu yells at him. He thought he must be very upset because it took him a long time to bring his food. Now, the kind and smiley emperor earlier is currently in his usual short-tempered self.

With his head lying low, he explains, "Uh... sorry. I got lost on the way."

"Where did you went anyway?" He turns around to face the eunuch. Only then did he saw that Xu Zhenming is carrying a tray with porcelain bowls on it.

Mingming answered, "From the royal kitchen? I got you your breakfast. Didn't I tell you, your majesty? You even told me to bring this straight to your hall."

"I haven't eaten my breakfast yet?" The uneasiness he felt earlier at the Lotus Hall got him hunted again. He didn't even know that his brother didn't get to eat his breakfast.

Xu Zhengming shook his head with a confused look. Is the emperor not in the right mind when he told him to get his breakfast?

Yin Renshu averted his eyes. "I don't have the appetite now. Deliver it in Lotus Hall. My shizun is still there and would probably eat a second breakfast. Just put it at the doorway. Do not open the door, he doesn't want to meet anyone now."

"Yes, your majesty." Since the emperor seems he's not in the good mood at the moment, he didn't insist the food on him anymore.

Xu Zhengming was about to step out of the hall but the emperor stopped him. "You know how to go and get back here, right?"

"Yes, your majesty." He answered. The Lotus Hall and the Emperor's hall aren't far from each other so he knows the way this time.

"Good. Now go."

Xu Zhengming bows his head before going.

On the way, he could help but feel a little conscience. Maybe the emperor is indeed upset because he's late that he lost his appetite? Or maybe something happened at the Lotus Hall where he meets with his shizun?

Whatever the reason is, he didn't have the courage to dig in and he should not think further about it.

"Uh... Sir Immortal Cultivator? His Majesty sends a meal to you. I'll leave it here."

"..."

He didn't stay any longer. Xu Zhengming didn't receive any response from the person inside and isn't expecting one. Also, he dares not to take a peek since the emperor told him that his master doesn't wish to meet anyone today. He's sure that he spoke loud and clear. He thought the cultivator would most probably pick it up when he left. If he won't, that's none of his concern already.

Little did he know, it's not the emperor's teacher that's inside. It's actually the person who went with him in the imperial kitchen and cooked their own breakfast.

Yin Wenyan didn't say anything. It's not that he doesn't want to. It's just he can't. He ought not to.

When he felt no one's presence around, the prince headed to the doorway, opened the door, picks up the tray, and closes the door again. It's no longer hot but there's still some warmth left. The smell of the food lingers that could make anyone drool.

A little smile formed on Prince Yin Wenyan's lips.

Now, the breakfast that Xu Zhengming got him isn't for him anymore but for their shizun. But he thinks, it's alright. This is good too. Even though this isn't supposed to be his, he still goes to eat the food they prepared together.

He shouldn't ask for more.

Right after Xu Zhengming got back to the emperor's hall, he's tasked to prepare some paper, brush, and ink. On the other hand, the emperor changes his clothes from a luxurious set to a lame and cheap robe. He lets his long hair loose before he put on his cloak.

"Where are you going, your majesty? You're sneaking out again, aren't you?" Xu Zhenming asks casually as he puts the prepared things in a bag.

"I'm not going alone. You're coming with me." Emperor Yin Renshu said without even paying him a single glance. "I need you to record information for me."

Also, he thought, leaving this eunuch in the palace would create some loopholes. Of course, if everyone looks for him and saw this eunuch, they'll most probably ask him about the emperor's whereabouts. And judging from his appearance, Eunuch Xu seems bad at acting and making up stories. He's only good at flirting.

"...?!" Xu Zhengming can't find the right words to say. He's part of the emperor's sneaky plans!

Hearing nothing from his little eunuch, he lazily looks at him. "We're on a secret mission. We'll investigate the case at the town square yesterday." He then beams an excited smile. "Isn't that exciting? It's been a while since I got to handle cultivation matters."

"I don't understand." Xu Zhengming forced a smile. "Why does his majesty have to do it secretly? I think this is a serious matter and it's not surprising for the imperial palace to take action."

Yin Renshu's wide smile disappeared in an instant. His expression became serious. "I am confused either. The grand empress dowager doesn't want to get involved with this. There must be something we don't know so we have to investigate it without her realizing it." He then looks again at the little eunuch and said, "Let's go."

Meanwhile, in front of the emperor's hall's entrance, Court Lady Han was supposed to pay her greetings and ask for the emperor's confirmation about the matters of the banquet. She stops before she could even let out a word from her lips when she heard Eunuch Xu yells.

"Waaah! Wait!"

The emperor sternly refuses to care. "I won't waste any more time for you."

Just like how the emperor carried him and brought him back to the palace. He lifts him up to his shoulder and carried him like a sack of rice. Of course, Court Lady Han couldn't see what is truly happening inside.

Yin Renshu demanded. "Don't make a sound or else we'll be noticed."

With his miserable cries, Xu Zhengming complains, "But... But I'm not comfortable with this position! Your majesty--- aaah!" Xu Zhengming almost fell off from Yin Renshu's shoulder. Fortunately, the emperor got him on time.

Then again, Court Lady Han couldn't see anything from the inside.

Annoyed, Emperor Yin Renshu clicks his tongue, "Tsk. Don't move."

Court Lady Han's poor old heart beats faster. She feels her hands turn cold and the blood drains from her body.

She thought, it's still not even noon yet! In broad daylight they... they...! What immoral things are they doing? Did the emperor purposely made her and the rest of his maids busy and kept his eunuchs by his side to let them have a private time together?

Even though it's only been a few years since she takes care of the emperor, Court Lady Han already sees him as her own child.

"Your Majesty?!" Court Lady Han's voice trembled and seems hurried.

Hearing this, both Yin Renshu and Xu Zhengming widen their eyes and look at each other.

"C-Court Lady Han? How long have you been there?" Yin Renshu worries that the court lady heard their conspiracy against the will of the grand empress dowager. However, this isn't the case for the old woman at all. This question just added to the bad feeling she has.

"Your majesty, I'm coming in." Court Lady Han was about to open the door but Yin Renshu stopped her on time.

"Don't!" The emperor tries to think of a good alibi but he can't come up with a made-up reason on the spot.

Xu Zhengming gives him a meaningful look and nods at him saying, "I got it."

Mingming gets himself down from his majesty's carry and calls to the court lady, "Court Lady Han, the emperor's naked. I'm helping him get dress now. Please don't come in just yet."

Instead of putting off the fire, Eunuch Xu only added fuel to the blazing rage of the court lady. She exclaimed hysterically, "NAKED? WHY IS HE EVEN NAKED IN THE FIRST PLACE?! I'M COMING IN!"

The two inside the hall panicked. Court Lady Han must not see his majesty in a commoner's clothes!

The emperor looks at his eunuch with a pressured and panicked face. He's indirectly asking him what to do. Xu Zhengming, on the other hand, can't think properly. However, one thing is clear in his mind. She must not see the emperor with this getup!

The eunuch quickly strips Yin Renshu's layers of clothes. Unfortunately, the door opens without him completely removed his majesty's disguise.

Court Lady Han is stupefied. She froze upon seeing this inappropriate sight: Eunuch Xu, stripping his majesty! The emperor's fair yet bulky chest is revealed. Eunuch Xu's 'filthy' hands on his majesty's bare skin.

The cheap robes that Yin Renshu wears don't matter to her anymore. She will think what she wants to think and there's no space for explanation. 'Minor' details aren't significant - typical Asian moms be like.

"Have you thrown away your morality?!"

"Court Lady Han, it's not like what you think. I... His Majesty..." Mingming tries to reason out but he can't think of what should he say. In the end, Court Lady Han raised her hand.

"Do not speak anymore. I will leave." In low spirits, the old woman indeed left the hall.

"..."

For some time, neither did Yin Renshu nor Xu Zhengming speaks. They could literally hear the annoying ringing sound of silence.

"Pffft... HAHAHAHAHA" The emperor broke into a burst of loud laughter. Xu Zhenming was startled at first but also started to laugh.

"I never... I never laughed this hard since I entered the imperial palace." Yin Renshu said in between his laughs. "Now that I think about it, Court Lady Han is a little green-minded, isn't she?"

He taps Xu Zhengming trying to suppress his laughter, "There'll be another wave of gossips that will hunt you. Hahaha... worry not, my eunuch. They won't hurt you as long as... pfft... as long as I'm around. Hahaha... So don't distance yourself away from me from now on."

Xu Zhengming sighs, "My life span is getting shorter the longer I stay inside the palace."

Meanwhile in the Hall of Union...

"Court Lady Han? What happened? Why do you look so down?"

The maids under the emperor all went closer to the old lady.

"My cabbage..." She said almost whispering but it is enough for the maids to hear.

"Huh?" All the maids got a puzzled look on their faces.

Court Lady Han exclaims, "My good cabbage has been arched by a pig!"

The maids then look at each other.

"There's a pig in the imperial farm?"

"Wait, Court Lady Han planted cabbages in the imperial farm?"

[A/n: "Good cabbage has been arched by a pig." is an expression with Chinese origin meaning, “One is very capable, the other extremely incompetent.” or “The couple is not a good matching”.]