My Full-time Servant/Lover

VI. This Beau and His Majesty's Double

Loneliness and sighs

Is this the wisdom's price?

Like a bird in a cage

Shouldn't I be on stage?

I felt being held back

I can only blame my bad luck

Under this willow tree

Only here I am free.

Yin Wenyan's lips form a slight smile after rereading the poem for who knows how many times already. He himself has lost count on it.

This is the first poem that he got to record in a book. This poem was composed by the sixteen-year-old Xu Zhengming when he was still studying in the imperial academy.

At that time, the long-lost royal siblings just got returned to the imperial palace. As early as then, Yin Wenyan already threw away his identity and became his twin brother's double. That's the will of the Grand Empress Dowager and they cannot possibly contradict it. They simply don't have the power yet

His life at that time isn't too different from the present. He must not be seen if his brother is around so most of the time he spent his day inside the Lotus Hall alone. He can only get his freedom by night-time or when Yin Renshu asked him to do stuff for him outside. Yin Wenyan of course happily did so.

He knows his brother very well. Though it doesn't seem like it, he doesn't want Yin Wenyan to feel isolated. And so, Yin Renshu often ordered Yin Wenyan to do what he was supposed to do himself.

One evening, when his brother is already having his good night's sleep, Yin Wenyan decided to have a stroll around the palace to have some fresh air.

Though it's nighttime, Yin Wenyan wore a conical hat with a piece of thin black veil hanging on its ends which matches his long ink-black robes. Just to make sure no one will recognize him if ever someone sees him around.

With every step he took, the silk fluttered. His face was hardly illuminated by the full moon.

His feet brought him into the imperial garden. He found himself passing near an old willow tree by the lake. The wind blows and he heard the words whispered in the thin air.

And this is how destiny has woven their fates together.

He couldn't remember what exactly was being said but the thought is that the person speaking had his heart broken. He wonders why the lady he likes doesn't like him back despite being so good-looking. And that, the lady who rejected him will one day be regretful for turning someone like him down... or something like that.

It was Xu Zhengming's voice. The young man was sitting on a bulging root of the willow tree. He was leaning on the thick and hard trunk as he expressed his poem made out of pain.

Yin Wenyan puffed a laugh. He never had the intention to make fun of other people's pain but he just can't help it. This young man is so dramatic. His words were too emotional.

He thought, "I have never seen a man comfort and at the same time, compliments himself."

Then, Yin Wenyan dives deeper into his mind the longer he thought about it.

"Is it really okay for a man to feel emotional pain? Am I allowed to be sad as well? Can I act weak when I am by myself? Is it fine for me to feel pained as well? Should I... should I give myself words of encouragement?"

Since his earliest memories, Yin Wenyan had been acting as the oldest of the triplets. They grew up without the love and care from their late parents and so, he felt that he got the responsibility to take care of his siblings. He believed that he should not show fear or weakness in front of them. His shoulders are the places where both Yin Renshu and Yin Xiulan lean their heads on. And he's also the one who always gets in the middle every single time they got into a fight.

He never thought that he had the right to complain, to be angry, nor to get sad about the kind of life they were living. He was always contented. Silently accepting what the future brings.

"Wha... What's so funny?" If only it's daytime, Yin Wenyan would most probably have seen a blushing Xu Zhengming. He was both angry and embarrassed. He could feel his cheek getting warmer.

First of all, he believed that he was the only one in the area and sprouted nonsense. Second, this man laughed at his thoughts.

"Nothing. I just find you amusing." Yin Wenyan slowly walks nearer to him. His face wearing his signature smile, as gentle as ever.

Though Xu Zhengming's mind convinced him that this stranger isn't someone to avoid, his embarrassment from earlier hinders him to be friendly. He spat, "Who are you anyway? I haven't seen you around here before."

Yin Wenyan thought about it for a while. Should he tell him? But it's not really practical to reveal his identity to a complete stranger. "My name isn't worth knowing."

Yin Wenyan fixed the black silk on his hat so that his face will be concealed. The silk is thin but Xu Zhengming could only see minimal details of his face.

"Fine." Xu Zhengming didn't push him further.

"Can I have a word with you?" Yin Wenyan's voice was gentle. Before Xu Zhengming could answer, Yin Wenyan already made his way to sit beside him.

"About what?" Xu Zhengming asked.

"Anything." Yin Wenyan offhandedly said but he means that very word. He felt that he spent so much time being alone. Talking to a stranger would probably add a color or two to his monochromic daily routine.

"Fine. I don't have anyone to talk to anyway." Xu Zhengming responded.

Yin Wenyan and Xu Zhengming, later on, became friends. Even though Mingming doesn't know him thoroughly, for some unknown reasons, he doesn't mind it. Before they knew it, the two of them looked forward to looking at each other every night.

Xu Zhengming complained while Yin Wenyan willingly listened. Mingming loves literature and Yin Wenyan wrote every character of every word in every poem that the young man made.

To Xu Zhengming, freedom is only attainable at night. To Yin Wenyan, every night felt like it's the time to meet a long-lost friend.

But the time they stopped seeing each other came.

'It is now getting late

But still, for you, I wait

The snow starts to fall

I'm shivering as I call

You lift me with your left hand

But with your right, you let me land

I only have these memories to keep

And can only hope to see you in my sleep.'

Yin Wenyan sighs as he traces the written characters that he wrote himself. After a hundred-some page of Xu Zhengming's original compositions, the last entry wasn't made by the same author.

Yin Wenyan composed this poem himself in response to the latest poem that Xu Zhengming made before they parted.

Yin Wenyan shakes his head. "This is wrong."

He thought he got rid of these unnecessary feelings he has in his heart. It turns out, it was only hidden deep within his core.

He closes the book and keeps it back in the cabinet. He made sure that the book lies at the lowest level of a pile of books, making it attract lesser attention. He then headed to the hall's bed where Xu Zhengming is sleeping soundly. He feels his temperature by putting his hand on his headache. His fever is finally gone.

Yin Wenyan pulled out the needles erected at Xu Xhengming's body and put them above the nightstand.

It will be dawn in just a couple of hours from now. He can't sleep. For some reason, his heart will suddenly skip a beat out of nowhere. It would take him time to calm himself down.

He looks at Xu Zhengming again, and his composure like calm waters is once more became troubled. The composure he builds up tumbled down. He felt pain in his chest. He knows this feeling is wrong. He knows he can't pray for more. He can't hope for more. This man doesn't even know his real identity. Being near him is more than enough. Seeing him again is already a wish come true. He won't ask for more.

Subconsciously, his hand moves on its own. Wanting to caress this man's delicate face. It's only a few millimeters apart when he stopped. Yin Wenyan smiled bitterly as he withdraws his hand slowly.

He finally decided to lay in the bed, but still left space between him and the little eunuch. He needs to stop this wishful thinking and go to sleep. His dreams are always better than his reality after all.

Then the morning came.

The sunlight passed through the big slightly opened windows. The sunrays hit directly on Xu Zhengming's face that made him wake up. His mind is a bit cloudy. He can't figure out quickly where he is or when did he fall asleep. His throat feels dry too.

He looked around only to find himself in the emperor's hall. The 'emperor' peacefully sleeping beside him.

He didn't expect to see him first thing in the morning and so he flinched in surprise. Xu Zhengming didn't realize beforehand that he was lying on the edge and so the slight movement made him fall out of the bed.

A loud thud made Yin Wenyan wake up from a short sleep. As a former disciple of a cultivation sect, his instincts made his guards up. He quickly rises from his sleeping position, and grab multiple talismans from his sleeves, ready to attack any time.

His phoenix eyes narrowed even more and his gentle face is frowning. Getting triggered right after one wakes up, that one is most likely to have a bad mood. The kind and ever gentle Yin Wenyan isn't exempted from that fact.

"Waaaah... wait! It's me! It's me! Calm down, your majesty!" Xu Zhengming coughed right after he yelled hoarsely.

Yin Wenyan then realized there's no danger at all. He quickly let his guard down and immediately hid all the talismans in his hands back to his sleeves.

He crawled across the bed to observe Xu Zhengming closely. "Are you okay? Does it hurt anywhere? How are you feeling?"

"Huh? Me? I think I'm fine." He clears his throat but still no use. "But my throat feels dry."

Yin Wenyan felt sorry for him. The poisoned food is clearly not for him but he's the one who suffered the most. "Do you still have a fever? Are you dizzy?"

He reached for Xu Zhengming's forehead but the little eunuch's instincts made him dodge the hand of the other. He thought he'll receive a hit from the 'ruthless' emperor for sleeping on his bed. Naturally, Yin Wenyan reached further without caring that he's already on the edge of the bed.

Meanwhile, Court Lady Han and two of the emperor's personal maids arrived at the hall's door. One carries a soft and clean towel while the other one holds a basin of warm water.

She was about to announce their arrival when she heard a voice. She thought the emperor is surprisingly up early.

"Let me touch you." Yin Wenyan said as he tries to get closer.

"Aaaah, spare me, your majesty!"

Court Lady Han, as well as the maids' eyes, opened wide. The three woman looks at each other with a malicious gaze.

The court lady shook her head. How could they have such impure thoughts? The little eunuch probably made a mess this time. She clears her throat, telling the two ladies behind her to recover their composure.

She was to announce their arrival but got interrupted for the second time.

Another loud thud sounded, the emperor fell down!

Court Lady Han cannot stand still anymore. She slides the door open and entered the hall hastily.

Her jaw dropped and got silenced from shock.

The little eunuch lies on the floor with his majesty on top of him.

The maids behind her all bowed their heads and can't stop blushing. The court lady's old heart filled with rage. Her mind has no space for explanations.

For her, this is immoral.

Court lady Han immediately walks into them. The court lady did not dare to stare further and so she closes her eyes and pulled the 'emperor'. She got ahold of his majesty's lower leg and tugged him but both Yin Wenyan and Xu Zhengming only got in a worse position. His majesty's very face got dragged down on Xu Zhengming's lower body.

"Aaaah!" Xu Zhengming, as well as the blushing maids yelled.

"Aaaah! Aiyooo! Aiyooooo!" Court Lady Han almost fainted in rage and embarrassment.

"Court Lady Han, please let go of me!" Yin Wenyan plead. He can't get up since she was holding up his leg.

"I am so sorry, your majesty!" She quickly let go of his lower leg and left the hall as fast as a bolt of lightning.

The maids hesitated for a while if they're going out as well or not. In the end, they left with their heads hanging low.

Yin Wenyan quickly stands and assists his eunuch to rise. "I'm very sorry, Eunuch Xu. I did not mean to trample over you."

Xu Zhengming realized that the emperor's 'mood' right now is good so he thought he can just forget about formalities and superiority. A mischievous idea pops up in his mind. He frowns and acted as if he really got hurt. "Aiyah. It really hurts."

"You're hurt? Where?" Yin Wenyan's face filled with anxiousness and worry.

"Aiyaaah... it hurts everywhere." His acting is cheap but Yin Wenyan surprisingly buys it. He continues to whine. "But if you give me 15 gold coins, I'll feel better."

"15 gold coins?" Yin Wenyan didn't expect that. He's completely confused. How would fifteen gold coins make him feel better? But still, he searched for his money purse underneath his sleeve.

"Here, take it." Yin Wenyan grabs Xu Zhengming's hand and puts his money purse on the other's palm. His majesty then grabs Xu Zhengming's other hand to envelope the purse. Yin Wenyan held the little eunuch's hand with both hands with a concerned look. "I don't know how many gold coins this has but it should not be less than 15 gold coins."

"Uh... Mn." Xu Zhengming blinked twice. His majesty actually gave him his money purse. Easy money! He grins with that thought. He taps the emperor's shoulder. "I feel better. So much better."

"Ah, that's good. That's good." Yin Wenyan gave him his signature smile. So pure and gentle.

Right after Xu Zhengming saw this, he somehow felt guilt. But guilt can't buy him his needs so he couldn't care less. Mingming felt awkward and so he clears his throat before he changes the topic. "Your majesty, I can't remember how I end up sleeping on your mattress and caused so much inconvenience. I could not apologize enough."

However, Yin Wenyan shakes his head. "No, this is actually my fault. I should be the one apologizing. Actually the food you ate yesterday... it's poisoned. Eunuch Xu, you got poisoned and fainted. I was careless then and did not notice something was in the food."

Xu Zhengming can't believe it. He ate poisoned food! Did he almost died? Just for food?!

"I already made the royal physician take a look at you last night. I think it is better to let him see you again." Yin Wenyan added.

"R-royal physician?" Xu Zhengming suddenly felt a formation of cold sweat on his forehead. He dared not to cross paths with that old man again! He forced a smile on the emperor. "I am fine now, your majesty. If it's food, then I'll just have to take a dump, right?"